Repairing Self-Abandonment: Anxious Attachment, Healthy Boundaries, and Creating Strong Relationships

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

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4M ago 1:06:59

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On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore self-abandonment, which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally. They cover where self-abandonment comes from, the psychological function it serves, and the relationship between self-abandonment and similar concepts like anxious attachment, low self-worth, and external referencing. You’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries, stop neglecting yourself, and become more secure from the inside out.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: Common features of self-abandonment

12:30: Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen

16:05: Facing shame and self-criticism

21:00: Self-referencing vs. referencing ourselves in relation to others

33:10: The belief that safety feels more critical than authenticity

40:55: Our relationship to nature, and joining with the defense

50:55: Relationships, openness to change, and bringing parts into awareness

55:20: Cognitive restructuring, and redefining our self-abandoning beliefs

58:50: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there.

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