Self-Compassion: What Is The Payoff of Concern vs Indifference For Yourself w/ Dr. Kristin Neff

What Drives You with Kevin Miller

As a guy, the concept of compassion has little place in my life. Especially as an athlete, there was no value in compassion. You ignore any pain and keep going. It reminds me of the depiction of the army sergeant yelling at the soldier to suck it up and march on. As a culture, I think we still put more value on sucking it up and keeping going and being indifferent to ourselves, than having compassion. Though we miss that we can still keep going when the circumstances demand it, and have some needed compassion. Compassion is having concern for others and ourselves and the opposite of concern is indifference. I can’t find value in indifference to self, in normal life, outside of maybe sports and the battlefield. Seven years ago I sat down and had a conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff about it. Kristin received her doctorate from the University of California at Berkeley, studying moral development. At the time she had done a TED talk with millions of views, and published a book, “Self Compassion”, The Proven Power of Being kind to yourself. I talked with her, as I perceived the value of self-compassion. But in truth, it’s taken me a long time to let it actually integrate into my life. I wish I’d stuck with it then. But, better late than never. I spent some time recently discussing self-compassion with my own therapist, and am bringing this conversation back to benefit us both.

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