Episode 169: Micah Salaberrios

Practice You with Elena Brower

Micah Salaberrios, an expert in the field of Nonviolent Communication, has been teaching the practice since 2016. With his passion for improving the lives of others, he hosts "The Art of NVC" Podcast, and wrote one of the top-selling books in relationship conflict resolution entitled "The Art of Nonviolent Communication." His website is https://artofnvc.com.

Micah’s belief in the transformative power of NVC has been the driving force behind his work, helping people to resolve conflicts peacefully and fostering deeper understanding in their relationships. Micah is dedicated to spreading the teachings of Nonviolent Communication to as many people as possible, empowering them to live more fulfilling and harmonious lives.

• 3:00 – Finding NVC and doing this work as a profession. NVC style appreciation – acknowledging someone’s need for appreciation, encouragement, recognition and acknowledgement. “Would you like to be recognized for the unique talents you bring to this project?”
• 5:40 – Using NVC to get to a place of understanding that both parties in a conflict probably have the same need – to feel safe, protected, future for the children, etc.
• 7:20 – We mistake strategies and needs. The four steps of Non violent communication – 1) Identify the issue using observable facts, unbiased. Do not imply that someone is bad or wrong. 2) Express how you are feeling in this moment.
• 10:05 – 3) Explain why you feel this way – your values. 4) Make specific requests. Do not be vague.
• 12:55 – The observation moment (step 1) is not about the judgment of what is happening. Explore the feelings and needs inventory.
• 15:00 – You must have empathy for yourself. Take a moment to give yourself empathy and acknowledge the feeling to yourself when it is happening.
• 17:15 – When NVC is not available, do emergency self empathy – guess how you feel and why. Empathy releases the obligatory tension around parenting.
• 19:20 – When you notice you, or someone else, is upset, guess how they feel and why. You don’t have to be correct, but that person will feel the full force of your attention without feeling judged.
• 21:50 – NVC is not a thing you do, it is a shift in consciousness, a way of being. Opinions and judgments have a frequency that stimulates our ego and is not beneficial. Instead of opinions, have preferences.
• 24:00 – Opinions and judgments are draining. They keep us busy and steal our life force. Empathy as a first instinct is like carrying a love gun.
• 27:00 – https://www.artofnvc.com/; The Art of Nonviolent Communication: Turning Conflict into Connection; https://www.patreon.com/artofnvc
• 29:30 – Practicing the principles of NVC is an important part of learning. NVC is a technology of intimacy, compassion and closeness.
• 31:40 – Transforming triggers using emergency empathy.
• 33:40 – We are water. If we can be shaped by our environments, then we can be reshaped. Transformation happens in the moment, not the future.

Visit Micah's Patreon Page for the NVC Practice group, as well as access to his masterful Art of NVC Online Course. https://patreon.com/artofnvc