997-Overcoming Toxic Guilt & Shame with CBT Techniques

Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes

### Summary

#### Introduction

- Presenter: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

- Topic: Toxic guilt and shame - signs, causes, and solutions

- Goals: Understanding guilt and shame, their causes, effects, and ways to overcome them

#### Definitions and Differences

- **Guilt**: Anger at oneself for a behavior; feeling you did something wrong.

- **Shame**: Feeling that you are inherently bad; about the person, not just behavior.

- Importance of separating behavior from self-worth.

#### Healthy vs. Toxic Guilt

- **Healthy Guilt**:

- Motivates positive change and learning.

- Anger at oneself for a behavior or omission.

- Helps align actions with values.

- **Toxic Guilt**:

- Drains energy and erodes self-esteem.

- Leads to ongoing self-anger without productive action.

- Often paired with shame.

#### Effects of Toxic Guilt

- Continuous stress response activation.

- Desperate attempts to prove worth.

- Leads to behaviors like fawning or overcompensating.

#### Causes of Toxic Guilt

- Holding onto “shoulds” imposed by others or oneself.

- Feeling responsible for things outside one’s control.

- Survivor’s guilt and guilt over others' feelings.

- Guilt for not being perfect or successful.

- Societal and familial messages about worth and success.

#### Solutions and Strategies

1. **Identify the Source**:

- Determine if the guilt stems from internal values or external pressures.

- Evaluate the “shoulds” and decide if they align with personal values.

2. **Healthy Boundaries**:

- Recognize and assert personal beliefs and values.

- Don’t let others dictate what should make you feel guilty.

3. **Cognitive Restructuring**:

- Write down situations causing guilt.

- Distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable aspects.

- Use energy positively to address controllable factors.

4. **Acceptance and Letting Go**:

- Accept that some things are beyond control.

- Reflect on personal growth and changes over time.

- Practice self-compassion for past mistakes.

5. **Self-Care**:

- Prioritize personal well-being to prevent burnout.

- View self-care as a model for others.

6. **Assertiveness**:

- Stand firm in personal beliefs even when others disagree.

- Practice expressing your values respectfully.

#### Practical Steps

- Write down situations causing guilt.

- Identify controllable and uncontrollable aspects.

- Take action on what you can control.

- Reflect on whether you’ve done all you can.

- Accept powerlessness over some outcomes.

- Practice forgiveness and self-compassion.

- Set and maintain healthy boundaries.

- Model self-care and healthy boundaries for others.

### Time Codes for Major Points

00:00 Introduction and overview of toxic guilt and shame

02:15 Differences between guilt and shame

05:00 Healthy guilt vs. toxic guilt

08:45 Effects of toxic guilt on stress and behavior

12:30 Causes of toxic guilt

18:00 Solutions and strategies for overcoming toxic guilt

25:45 Importance of healthy boundaries

30:00 Cognitive restructuring and acceptance

35:00 Practical steps to manage guilt and promote self-care

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