Using The Wheel Of Consent To Understand And Express Desire With Betty Martin Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide To ADHD And Relationships With Cate Osborn podcast

30:47

Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community. Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence. Related resources The National Domestic Violence Hotline The ADHD Women subreddit ADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group Timestamps (02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine” (09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD” (15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?” (21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner” (27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not alone For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood . We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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What makes a ‘good listener’ with ADHD? 27:24

for 20 dage siden27:24

27:24

People with ADHD can often get a bad rap for being “bad listeners.” So, instead of actually listening, we’re often focusing on: Do they know I'm listening? Am I making enough eye contact? Do I look engaged? Host Cate Osborn chats with Understood.org Vice President of Expertise and licensed therapist Sarah Greenberg about the listening strengths and weaknesses that can come with ADHD. They also unpack different modes of listening like listening to understand, listening to solve, and listening to connect. Related resources How attention works From the ADHD Aha! p odcast, “Why don’t you listen?” Paying attention vs. hearing (Peter’s story) Timestamps (00:41) Feeling self-conscious about our ability to listen with ADHD (05:56) Different modes of listening (07:40) Figuring out our listening strengths and weaknesses (14:32) Anecdotal communication (16:48) Asking what a person needs out of a conversation (21:47) What can we do? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Building ADHD community 27:04

for 5 weeks siden27:04

27:04

Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses. Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing experiences with others can ease shame, and create support. Related resources adhdasfemales.com The ADHD Women subreddit ADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group Timestamps (00:57) How do we find value in a community with ADHD? (03:58) How did Laura get started building the ADHDAF community? (09:39) Feeling alone in what you’re facing without community (14:36) Being compassionate with others helps us be compassionate with ourselves (18:14) Feeling isolated with ADHD (19:56) How do I find community? How do I build it myself? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships 27:56

for 7 weeks siden27:56

27:56

A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond. Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach . Related resources The MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach ) ADHD and: Shame ADHD and emotions Timestamps (00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits (04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made (08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily (11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not (15:51) The element of repair (16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement (20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things (23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake (25:55) Jaye’s last piece of advice For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood . We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Navigating emotional intimacy with ADHD 31:45

for 9 weeks siden31:45

31:45

Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more. Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD . Listen to this conversation exploring how shame can be a roadblock to emotional intimacy, and how this intimacy can look different within every relationship. Related resources Michelle’s book, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank Timestamps (02:46) What is emotional intimacy? (04:14) Barriers to emotional intimacy with ADHD (09:33) Shame and ADHD (15:29) What steps can we take to build emotional intimacy? (17:28) Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, and rejection sensitivity (20:48) People pleasing versus building authentic connections (22:36) What about when we’re in a relationship without emotional intimacy? (28:41) Where can you find Michelle? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood . We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Help! I’m in a parentified relationship! 34:49

for 11 weeks siden34:49

34:49

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you? Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. Related resources Lesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsyd A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank Timestamps (03:03) What is a parentified relationship? (05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility (07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered? (08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships (11:44) Weaponized incompetence (14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long? (17:19) Notice, shift, repair (18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner (21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things (22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner (24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse (28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids (32:24) Lesley’s parting advice (33:00) Where you can find Lesley and credits For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood. We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Consensual non-monogamy and ADHD relationships 34:45

for 13 weeks siden34:45

34:45

Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This could include being non-monogamous! Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She is the author of the book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) . Listen to this conversation on jealousy, reaching agreements with your partner, and what consensual non-monogamy really is. Related resources Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) by Martha Kauppi 8 Steps To Opening Up: Starting The Conversation About Non-Monogamy , a Free eBook by Martha Kauppi Martha Kauppi’s website, www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com Timestamps (00:55) Why learn about consensual non-monogamy? (04:04) What is consensual non-monogamy? (05:36) What is the biggest misconception about non-monogamy? (08:40) Building a relationship that works for you, not just what you see in the media (11:46) Viewing non-monogamy as an option in life (15:42) Moving toward consensual non-monogamy in a relational way (21:03) How would you start a conversation about opening your currently monogamous relationship? (24:20) Tips for working through jealousy (25:35) What is compersion? (30:13) It’s OK if non-monogamy isn’t for you! (32:10) Where can you find Martha? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood. We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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ADHD and: Rejection sensitivity (From the “ADHD and” podcast) 11:07

for 15 weeks siden11:07

11:07

This week, host Cate Osborn shares an episode from ADHD and , another podcast on the MissUnderstood podcast channel. Imagine receiving a “no” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing it off, you become overwhelmed with thoughts of self-doubt and a deep sense of rejection. This intense emotional reaction is known as rejection sensitivity. And many women with ADHD experience it. In this episode, Dr. J explains how ADHD can amplify fears of rejection. Listen in to learn strategies women with ADHD can use to navigate these feelings. Related resources ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) Emotion sunburn: What rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like to me Rejection sensitivity, ADHD drain, and the power of failure (Weston’s story) Timestamps (00:00) Introduction from Cate (01:43) Start of ADHD and episode (02:32) What is rejection sensitivity? (04:33) How can rejection sensitivity impact women with ADHD? (05:14) Helpful ways to manage rejection (06:31) What is cognitive reframing? For a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Reddit reactions: ADHD and romantic relationships! 37:29

for 17 weeks siden37:29

37:29

Have you ever been called a “manic pixie dream girl” by someone you were dating? Is it hard to remember your partner when they’re not with you? ADHD can bring its own set of challenges to dating, and romantic relationships. Producer Margie visits the podcast to share what she’s found on the ADHD Women subreddit, where women with ADHD ask questions and share their challenges and wins. Listen for Cate’s reactions and a chat about common romantic dilemmas for women with ADHD! Related resources The ADHD Women subreddit ADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group Timestamps (00:00) Women with ADHD communities, and common dating tropes (03:46) Post #1 “I was too much for him” (06:37) Post #2 “I did 12 loads of laundry to avoid writing a dating profile” (11:56) Post #3 “Anyone else chronically feel like they’re not in a place where they’re ready to date?” (16:27) Post #4 “Having ADHD as a woman and still having to carry the mental load” (22:20) Post #5 “The ADHD struggle of falling in love after every good date” (27:04) Post #6 “Does anyone else struggle with accidentally ignoring their partner or friends?” (34:28) Talking about what gives us shame helps everyone For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Oh, Baby! It’s an ADHD pregnancy! 34:48

for 19 weeks siden34:48

34:48

ADHD can impact pregnancy in a number of ways: Higher rate of postpartum depression, hormone surges that affect the brain’s functioning, increased demands on our executive function, and so much more. Our guest this week, Dusty Chipura, is an ADHD and pregnancy expert, ADHD coach, and doula in training. Dusty takes us through pregnancy with ADHD, what you might expect, and what conversations are important to have with your support network ahead of welcoming a baby. Related resources A guide to hormones and ADHD ADHD and pregnancy workbook by Alix Bacon and Dusty Chipura Dusty’s website, vancouveradhdcoaching.com Timestamps (01:27) Some ways ADHD affects pregnancy (02:25) How did Dusty become an expert in ADHD and pregnancy? (04:21) First trimester/early pregnancy and ADHD (05:57) Sensory sensitivities and pregnancy (08:44) Second trimester (13:23) What conversations should we be having with our support system during this time? (17:20) Third trimester (20:04) What happens after the baby is born? (22:33) ADHD and the postpartum period (25:55) Best practices and tools (28:41) Dusty’s top tips (30:35) Dealing with parental guilt (31:59) Where you can find Dusty For a transcript and more resources visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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ADHD breakups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets 31:05

for 21 weeks siden31:05

31:05

Sometimes, romantic relationships just don’t work out. And breaking up with someone can be really tough — including having the breakup conversation. With ADHD, overthinking, people-pleasing, and rejection sensitivity can make it even harder. This week, ADHD coach and author of I Don’t Hate My Ex-Husband Jess DuBose visits Sorry, I Missed This . Listen to learn how to check in with yourself about your relationship, and some tips to help you through a breakup conversation. Related resources ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) Jess’ website, jessdubose.com I Don’t Hate My Ex-Husband by Jess DuBose National Domestic Violence Hotline Rainn.org Timestamps (02:08) Why did Jess write her book? (04:13) How does ADHD impact breaking up? (05:19) Staying in a relationship because of people-pleasing (07:42) Jess’ growth process: ASPIRE (10:22) Guided meditation exercise about whether or not to break up with someone (14:08) What can help you through a breakup (19:32) Initiating the conversation to end a relationship (24:10) How to avoid the impulse to backpedal during the breakup conversation (27:37) Jess’ parting advice (29:14) Where you can find Jess To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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ADHD and self-advocacy at work 29:39

for 23 weeks siden29:39

29:39

Self-advocacy and ADHD workplace disclosure come together in a package. It’s important to know yourself and your values in order to be the best self-advocate you can be. In this week’s episode, ADHD at Work founder Meghan Brown-Enyia answers the question: What is a good self-advocate? And, gives her recipe for advocating for yourself. Related resources What is self-advocacy? Pros and cons of disclosing a disability to employers Accommodations: What they are and how they work Meghan’s website, ADHDatwork.co Timestamps (03:05) Why did Meghan create ADHD at Work ? (06:59) Am I ready to be an ADHD self-advocate? (09:37) Meghan’s recipe for self-advocacy (13:19) Self-advocacy and emotional regulation (16:08) How do you figure out your ADHD needs in the workplace? (19:33) Best practices for asking for supports (24:00) Am I a bad self-advocate if I choose not to disclose my ADHD? (26:36) Where you can find Meghan To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Using the Wheel of Consent to understand and express desire with Betty Martin 37:51

for 25 weeks siden37:51

37:51

Consent is an agreement that people reach together. It can get a bit tricky with people-pleasing and black and white thinking — two things that can often come up with ADHD. The Wheel of Consent can help. This week, host Cate Osborn welcomes Betty Martin to the show. Betty is the author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent . Join Betty and Cate as they break down the Wheel of Consent and why it can be a great tool for ADHDers. Related resources The Wheel of Consent diagram PDF How to play the 3-minute game Betty’s website, bettymartin.org Timestamps (00:00) Introduction to the Wheel of Consent (03:08) What is consent? (08:25) What does the Wheel of Consent do? (10:25) Redefining “receiving” and “giving” (12:21) ADHD, and talking about consent (17:34) How to figure out what you actually want (23:14) The 3-minute game (29:26) “Putting up with” touch (31:26) The “shadow sides” of the Wheel of Consent (35:17) Where you can find Betty and more Wheel of Consent resources To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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ADHD, sensory systems, and communication 32:16

for 27 weeks siden32:16

32:16

Do you not notice that you’re hungry until you’re raging? Do you bump into things constantly? These are just two examples of how our sensory systems can affect those of us with ADHD. And they have a lot more to do with communication than you might think. This week, author of ADHD & Us and licensed clinical social worker Anita Robertson breaks down the three hidden sensory systems. Join Anita and Cate as they talk about how these can affect relationships with ADHD, and share some tools that can help. Related resources Interoception and sensory processing challenges ADHD and Us Anita’s website, anitarobertson.com Timestamps (04:19) What is a sensory difference? (08:21) What are the 3 hidden sensory systems? (11:05) How does interoception impact ADHD? (14:47) The vestibular system and ADHD (20:28) Proprioception and ADHD (23:05) Sensory systems and communication with ADHD (26:56) How do we start identifying our sensory needs? (30:21) Where you can find Anita To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org . Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give…

Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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Is it love or is it dopamine? (from “Tips from an ADHD Coach” podcast) 18:49

for 28 weeks siden18:49