How to Properly Deal with Attachment & Emotion Regulation

Ask Kati Anything

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses attachment and how that can show up in therapy, she also digs into emotion regulation and finding healthier ways to do it, and finally she talks about attachment in our romantic relationships and how to better manage it.

Audience questions for Ask Kati Anything ep. 237 | Your mental health podcast

1. Hi Kati! I hope you are well, I absolutely love your videos and you are helping me so much. My question is attachment related. I was in therapy for a year and now ended a few months ago and I am really struggling to cope now. I have an anxious attachment style and severe abandonment issues. Since the beginning of therapy I've been super attached to my therapist and feared therapy ending. I told her about everything I was feeling and we worked on therapy ending quite a lot, but we didn't really do any attachment work... 01:38

2. Hey Kati, could you talk about emotional regulation please? I have been talking to a friend about self and co-regulation. Could you possibly explain a bit about how they relate to each other and how to learn how to self regulate? I think it is coming from an anxious attachment style for me and I’m really struggling to self regulate but it’s so difficult to reach out. It’s something I am coming to realize I struggle with and I feel like it will strain my relationship with my best friend because she is dealing with me a lot at the moment. She is amazing and is so understanding but I don’t want to put this on her. We have already talked a bit about it. 14:42

3. I second the idea of emotional regulation. I never learned that skill. All I learned from observation was to not show anyone how I feel. That’s problematic for those of us on the spectrum. I just realized I’ve had meltdowns in the past. I thought that’s what “crying” or “being mad” was. So I want to process and regulate better going forward. 21:07

4. Hi Kati!! Could you talk about why self harm helps relieve our intense emotions in the moment of self harming? Could you also talk about why someone touching where we self harm can be so triggering? My friend grabbed my wrist the other day and I freaked out. 24:48

5. Hi Kati! Whenever I can‘t see my partner for longer periods of time (due to travel for work or holidays), I miss him but simultaneously get a strong urge to pick a fight and break up. I really spiral, feel worthless and unloved and am disgusted with myself. Similarly, as soon as my therapist is away on holiday and I wish I had a session, I freak out and want to quit therapy for good. This seems to be a weird pattern throughout my relationships I can‘t quite get a handle on. Where can this come from and how do I address it? I really struggle to not impulsively act on my feelings. In case that’s important: I have ADHD and suffer from CPTSD due to emotional and physical abuse during childhood. Thanks for everything you do! 28:17

6. Hi. I recently broke up with my long term partner. It was very hard but not dramatic, I just fell out of love, but it triggered many feelings of fear about aging and loneliness. I feel sometimes like I'm a bad person that is not deserving of love and I feel guilt about the breakup. 35:41

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