E. 22 - Toxic Positivity

That's So Deep

Hello So Deep Peeps!
Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. We discuss topics that help us connect more deeply with ourselves and with those we care about because we believe that connection is the antidote to a lonely heart. Today we are talking about Toxic Positivity (based on the work by Susan David in Emotional Agility).

Some deep things we cover:

1. The “Everything Happens for a Reason” Mantra: In an effort to make people feel better with phrases like this one, we actually make people feel worse by trivializing their pain.
2. Myths and Truths about Unpleasant Emotions:
   1. Myth: Unpleasant Emotions are Something to “Get Over.” If you’re not happy then you’re doing it wrong. Unpleasant emotions are an obstacle to perpetual joy.
   2. Truth: Unpleasant Emotions Contain Beacons of Meaning. We are hardwired to feel unpleasant emotions. It is 100% human. Unpleasant emotions point us towards what we value most.
3. “Emotions are Information. They are NOT Directives.” - Susan David: Emotions don’t own you. You own them.
4. Ditch Bottling and Brooding. Embrace CURIOSITY. Getting curious is a healthy way to interact with your feelings. There is rich learning to be had when you ask why.

Take-aways:

1. Hold up there, Little Miss Sunshine: Allow space for folks who are feeling it without jumping in with our toxically positive statements. Be a good listener.
2. Feel It All but You ARE NOT the Feeling: Remember that emotions are information, not directives. You are in control and the feelings can help guide you.
3. Get Down to the Granular Level: The more specific you are, the more information you get about what you care about.

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Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. What Is Toxic Positivity?
2. 'Toxic Positivity' Is Real — and It's a Big Problem During the Pandemic
3. The Dangers of Toxic Positivity, Part 1 of 2 - Brené Brown
4. Susan David: The gift and power of emotional courage | TED Talk
5. When The Body Says No – Chapter One - Dr. Gabor Maté
6. Inside Out (2015 film) - Wikipedia