Light And Shadow: The podcast

#Fitness #Mental Health #lightandshadowpodcast

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Discover how AI is breaking down barriers to education and tailoring learning experiences for students everywhere. From Duolingo’s global reach to the innovative use of AI in real classrooms at Miss Porter’s School in Connecticut, this episode explores how technology is expanding access, enhancing engagement, and equipping the next generation with essential skills—while ensuring integrity and safety remain at the forefront. Guests include: Luis von Ahn , CEO and Co-Founder of Duolingo Henry Ellenbogen , Chief Investment Officer at Durable Capital Partners Maureen Lamb , Latin teacher and the Language Department Chair at Miss Porter's School Dean Dimizas , Partner and Managing Director at Cambridge Associates Unseen Upside: Investments Beyond Their Returns is developed in partnership with PRX , an award-winning podcast media company. Cambridge Associates is a global investment firm that works with endowments, foundations, healthcare systems, pension plans, and private clients to implement and manage custom investment portfolios that aim to generate outperformance and maximize their impact on the world. Cambridge Associates delivers a range of portfolio management services, including outsourced CIO, non-discretionary portfolio management, staff extension, and asset class mandates.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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Life can feel like the most insane and exciting adventure, while other days it can feel like a living hell of which we cannot escape. Rarely do we feel like we can divulge what we truly think and feel and sometimes we don’t even know ourselves. In this podcast, I hope to dive into the deepest parts of our hearts and minds to find the keys to freedom together. I hope, if I do anything at all, I remind you that there is immeasurable beauty in both the light and shadow. *** follow @light._and_.shadow on instagram for essential graphics and related posts ***

30 episoder

Light and Shadow: the podcast

updated for ca. et år siden

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30 episoder

#Fitness #Mental Health #lightandshadowpodcast

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27. Neuroscience basics & protocols 1:26:21

for 5 weeks siden1:26:21

1:26:21

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate." - Jung In order to master your mind, you've got to read the manual on how it works. In this episode, I synthesize everything I've learned about neuroscience as it pertains to mental health. I explore the dopamine cycle and how it relates to mental health struggles and addiction, as well as offer insights on how to heal and leverage the dopamine cycle. I also discuss how childhood dopamine wiring affects our brain, body, and behavior in adulthood, and just because something was wired as "safe" or "good" in childhood, doesn't mean its optimal for adulthood. Using various Huberman podcasts as a framework and guide, I provide a succinct version of all his protocols that relate to mental health. By putting together these protocols with complementary mindsets, my hope is to bring you a synergetic dose of healing at the brain and body level.…

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Understanding the anxious & avoidant 53:50

for 7 weeks siden53:50

53:50

I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be happy for getting ghosted, but here we are. It's almost like the only way to truly get over your fear of rejection and abandonment is to get repeatedly rejected and abandoned. In other words, the only way out is through, and this is me finally getting to the other side of my breakup. The deep pain it caused pushed me to learn more about attachment styles, not just from how they behave in their adult life, but where that behavior comes from. By finally coming to a deeper understanding, do I really see that people's coping mechanisms have a lot more to do with them than they have to do with you. We can be so quick to internalize people's rejections as indications that we are inadequate, but sometimes it can be because we're so impactful that we leave a mark they don't know what to do with. In any case, this is me leaving shame and blame behind and finally owning the skills I always needed to be healthy in relationships. If ghosting got me more stable self-worth, honed emotional regulation skills, healthier communication understanding, deeper wisdom on attachment, the ability to recognize my own and others' cognitive distortions and emotional reasoning impacting their logic when in a triggered state, greater discernment to be stronger than my need, diversifying my needs, and finally come back to myself in a way that I'll never abandon myself again - then I guess it was a win. Sometimes painful consequences are necessary to shake you out from behaviors that are out of balance so you will finally be motivated to make the necessary changes - and that was definitely the case for me. Now that I have really felt and processed and learned the lessons from this breakup, I'm finally ready to move on and let it all go. Hope it helps you do the same.…

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Emotional regulation for the anxiously attached 8:46

for 8 weeks siden8:46

8:46

In the beginning of me learning emotional regulation, I didn’t really know how to “feel my feelings” - like what did that even mean or look like? I put together this short little audio guide to give you a real time example of how I emotionally regulated today - putting blueprint for the anxiously attached overview into a real life practicum. When we get more into interrupting the cycle, I’ll have different situations to work off of, but since this was relevant now, wanted to give you an example of what emotional regulation really looks like in your day to day life in practice - not just theory. Hope this helps!…

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26. Breakup blueprint for the anxiously attached 40:36

for 8 weeks siden40:36

40:36

For some, breakups are just, "he's not for me, I'm over it." They mean it and they move on. For me, it's, "why did this happen? What did I do? How are they seeing me? Why won't they come back?" And then I go and do a doctorate analysis on the "why." I find it extremely hard to let go even when the person has proven to not be a good fit for me. Now instead of asking myself why they left, I'm asking myself why do I do this at all? In this episode, I explore why it's so hard for an anxiously attached - a person who fears abandonment and loathes rejection - to move on. In the moment it can feel like your whole world is crashing down, but what if everything was simply just coming together? What this breakup was just a mirror to get you to see the more profound lessons your soul needs to learn in order to find and keep the love you truly desire.…

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25. Dealing with emotionally immature parents and partners 44:47

for 10 weeks siden44:47

44:47

Dealing with emotionally immature parents and partners can feel like you're fighting for your life. You desire close and meaningful connection, but it feels like it's just a matter of time where the other shoe is going drop and you'll be the one blamed. It can feel like you're constantly in fight-or-flight mode and don't know how to break through the walls of constant emotional explosion or emotional stonewalling. We see all the ways they're hurting us, and they don't seem to see any of it. It's frustrating and invalidating and it can feel impossible to know what the right thing to do is. This episode and graphic series explores the themes of emotional immaturity in our relationships and how they are often mirrors for us to explore where we still need to grow and evolve in our emotional maturity. Very often what we see being mirrored to us is what we often engage in. How we judge our parents is very often what we are presenting and we often find ourselves in the same dynamics our parents modeled with our partners. While it may seem them changing is your best bet at resolution - the control really lies in you controlling yourself and using these conflicts as an opportunity to become more emotionally mature yourself. Only by owning your own ways can you hope to see any positive changes, regardless if they ever meet you halfway. We think it's about them, but it's really about us.…

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24. Fundamentals in communication: exploring strategies for resolving interpersonal conflict with the anxious, avoidant, masculine & feminine 57:43

for 17 weeks siden57:43

57:43

Following my breakup, I really wanted to make sure I was learning all the lessons I needed to learn to not only pick a better partner in the future but also be a better partner in the future. I started to realize that the majority of my part in our issues were around communication and understanding where I faltered not just in what I said, but the larger picture of my attachment wounds being activated. In an effort to learn how to manage my fears and maintaining bonding connection, I wanted to explore the best practices for resolving conflict with your partner with respect to their attachment style and gender. I also wanted to understand how to unlock vasopressin bonding to ensure communication wasn't just effective in resolving conflict but also deeply bonding in the long run. I wanted to use my communication errors as a template to figure out where and went wrong and how I could have improved. This episode highlights my key takeaways from my research and offers reframe to how I would have handled each situation differently now that I have the tools.…

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23. Breakthrough moment: how to deal with aching feelings of emptiness - let's talk God, vulnerability, fear, control & contentment & how surrender is the answer to everything 27:11

for 18 weeks siden27:11

27:11

I've always struggling with this horrible, aching sense of emptiness. The only way I can really describe it is a black abyss that comes over me and fills me with a sense of dread. I know I've gone through how to feel all different feelings, but this emptiness was one I could never really feel the "cure" for. I found it purposeless and strange and no one else seemed to understand the feeling I was having. I was always told to just do xyz, but after years of traveling, relationships, amazing jobs, and endless highs of life, there was never anything that could fix it. In this episode, I recap a recent enlightening conversation with a friend where she explained to me the power in surrender and letting go of control - a kind of release that can only come from the knowledge that God truly has you. She explained to me that only once you really see your vulnerability as a blessing for God to step in, rather than seeing it as a source of powerless, dread, and allowing it to fuel your desire to control will I be truly free. I'd heard surrender and let God many times throughout my life, but for some reason this was the lock and key to make it hit different. Since this conversation happened, I've finally felt peace. I've finally felt space, and it's the only thing that's interrupted my hyper-fixation on my recent breakup. I finally feel ease, calm, peace, contentment, and I just wanted to bring that to you, too.…

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22. Breakups: how to move on, set new standards, and hone new skills 47:42

for 19 weeks siden47:42

47:42

Breakups are hard. There's no way around that. You think this person is a dream and you're finally closer to finding your person only to find it crumbling beneath your feet. When there's no real closure, the person chooses to ghost and quickly replace you with someone you wonder if any of it was ever real. You feel shaken with distrust for yourself, all your trust issues resurface, and you wonder if you'll ever find true love. I'm in that same boat now. I thought I finally picked well after a long string of heartbreak, only to find he was just like the rest. It's taken some time and a whole lot of tears, but I finally created a way to move on. Instead of focusing on the heartbreak, I'm seeing all the ways this relationship was put in my life and to grow and change me into a person better equipped to recognize the real thing when it comes and how to show up best for it. Come with my on this journey of heartbreak, while I navigate moving on from it, setting new standards of engagement, and seeing it all as an opportunity to reconnect and become my higher self.…

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21. Truth, lies, and healthy coping 56:07

for 19 weeks siden56:07

56:07

We all know that our thoughts drive our emotions and behavior, but what's even more critical to understand is distinguishing the validity and truth or falsehood of our thoughts and beliefs. I've found that the majority of arguments we have with other people isn't necessarily a difference in values, but a difference in perspective and how each other is viewing a situation. Often our thoughts can become distorted by our previous traumas and subsequent fears, and we may try to regain control based on a lie. The lies we believe can permeate our being and cause us to act in self-preserving ways that harm others, such as ego-defensive behaviors. As a result, we not only see breakdown in our interpersonal relationships, but also breakdown in how we see ourselves. Discerning truth and lies and being able to focus on the higher truths (which I touch on in truth 101) is essential in truly being able to handle life and relationships that moves toward health and healthy coping. In this episode particularly, I use a recent painful breakup to illustrate how distortions can cause irreparable damage, but how you can focus on the larger truth to still move forward and onward towards your highest growth.…

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20. Ego-defense mechanisms & emotion-driven behaviors 1:02:40

for 32 weeks siden1:02:40

1:02:40

Dissolution of relationships in any form can be so difficult, leaving you feeling angry and confused. This is exactly how I felt following coming back to a situationship after a year only to be rejected and discarded once again. I felt I had done nothing but try to understand and be there for him when all he ever did was use me. I recently went to the gym where he’d told everyone that he “hit” that, told them I was crazy, but then also egged them on to “chat me up,” to prove how much he didn’t care. It was disrespectful and I couldn’t understand why he was treating me so badly when I did nothing to him. Hadn’t he already done enough? What did I ever do to him to deserve that? Welcome to ego-defensive & emotion-driven behaviors where people go into self-protection mode to save face and shield themselves from emotional vulnerability. They essentially resort to this behavior because they ultimately lack self-worth/self-confidence & the ability to regulate their emotions. Instead of dealing with things from a place of stability and maturity, they react out of self-interest at the harm of others because it’s all they know how to do. At first, I was filled with anger and hurt, but the more I started to understand these are just deeply wounded people and it has nothing to do with me, the less anger I felt. Understanding helped me stop taking it personally and stop letting it mean something about me. In order to help you in that same process, this podcast and instagram guide sheds light on what ego-defensive & emotion-driven behaviors are, why people use them, and how to deal with people who engage in them. In the end, it’s important to note the only people they truly harm in using these tactics - whether consciously or unconsciously - is themselves. They block genuine connection because their fears & insecurities get the better of them. In the end, understanding this isn’t personal or about you, but a reflection of their own personal struggles, will help you break free from the pain and rejection they seem to leave behind. By choosing yourself, setting boundaries, disengaging, working on your own self-confidence & emotional regulation, you can be free to pursue relationships more worthy of your time. Remember, rejection is always an opportunity for deeper self-reflection and accepting divine redirection. It will all be okay.…

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19. The importance of emotional regulation & its relationship to fear, trauma, addiction, attachment, toxic relationships & familiar family dynamics 1:32:56

for 36 weeks siden1:32:56

1:32:56

I really wanted to make shorter episodes for you guys, but this episode really needed the length to explain each issue of fear, trauma, addiction, attachment, toxic relationships, and familiar family dynamics, while also bridging the gap between them to illustrate how they are each so intimately connected. Often times, we see we have issues, but don't see how they are often the same issues just interconnected with one another. In order to untangle the web, I first discuss emotional regulation & what it is before getting into how our ability or inability to regulate dictate almost everything we do in our lives. Afterall, emotions are out greatest motivators for our actions, and if we don't know ow to regulate, we can see everything in our lives crumble & breakdown. However, there is hope. By looking back into our family dynamics, we can easily trace what went awry. I talk about how all of these family dynamics affect our brain and subsequent emotional wiring & how that wiring then interacts with other people's wiring on a relational level. While this episode was originally inspired by a friend, it quickly became something that was obvious I needed to work on. I talk in depth about a situationship that hurt me deeply, but finally brought me our of my co-dependent ways and into more independent self-regulation. I had no idea this was the missing piece that would literally change everything for me! I truly believe mastering emotionally regulation & understanding how deep it goes into our lives is the key to finally have a successful relationship with yourself, others, and in everything you will do in your future.…

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My little roster experiment 10:33

for 41 weeks siden10:33

10:33

Ever date someone you didn’t really think you’d like and then all of a sudden you find yourself pining after them like, “why they don’t like me anymore? Why does no one ever care about me?” Have you ever really asked yourself - before the attachment - happened if you ever even wanted them? Maybe, but your craving for that love and validation that seems to be lost is so deep that you can’t see the light? This was the story of my life. I loved one person, but in between that I dated out of need - to help me “move on” or take my mind off another before them. I dated to pass time, to fill a hole in my life, to feel better about a life I didn’t like - I just wanted an escape, someone fun to pass time, but then it was always me who seemed to get attached. They provided the escape I wanted, but then started pulling away. By then I was left feeling even more shitty than I felt before I’d met them. I’d conclude, I was just unloveable and everyone would always leave me. No one would ever love me - that is until my thoughts and inner monologue were interrupted by meeting the girl I speak about in episode 18. I started to think - is this really true? What if I changed my thoughts and actions and put it all to the test? That’s exactly what I did here in my little roster experiment - my experience in intentionally dating 15 different guys - with no physical contact. This isn’t a formal episode - just a little blurb about what I did, how I approached, and what I found. This post is both verbal blurb and written blurb to enjoy in whichever medium you prefer. All I can say is this was a much better approach than any of my other previous experiences, and the change in how I was treated all began with how I was treating myself.…

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18. Truth 101: how core beliefs, laws, mindsets, & inner narratives shape your life & reality 1:16:49

for 41 weeks siden1:16:49

1:16:49

I know I promised a "little learnings" on ego-defensive behavior, but life took some unexpected turns. In this episode, I talk about the strange turn of events over the past 3 months that diverted my attention from examining other people's behaviors to taking a deeper look at myself. I discuss how my previous dark intermissions episode really highlighted a narrative about my inner world that needed changing. However, none of this examination would have happened if it wasn't for a little divine intervention - a chance encounter in my small town. Little did I know meeting this girl would cause me to re-examine everything I was doing in relationships, especially when it came to my core beliefs and how those beliefs translated to how I was treated by others. The perfect timing of all these events felt so divinely orchestrated that it could only reaffirm my faith in the higher power that is God. Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, and Trinidad served as the unwanted, but necessary backdrop of me reclaiming my inner power. Upon coming home, I put all my new knowledge to the test by creating a roster of dates, which I report my extraordinary findings in this episode. Nevertheless, my new discoverings were further put to the test in my trip to Texas, solidifying everything I learned about truth and the divine hand that was on my life. If you are stuck in a familiar self-defeating monologue, unable to break out and see the light - this episode is for you! For when you know the truth, the truth will set you free.…

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17. Dark Intermissions: Instagram v. Reality & Relearning Old Lessons 40:07

for 1 year siden40:07

40:07

I'm back! I know it's been 3 months since I've published my last episode and while I wanted to jump straight back into the little learnings for "uncovering the truth," I wanted to share some things I'm struggling with in my own life. The reason I include some of these episodes with more practical educational videos and to show how I personally work through my own difficult feelings with the things I've previously learning. While this episode is mostly unstructured and a bit of a mishmash of things I've been feeling lately, it's important to note that all throughout the healing journey, we'll all have breakthroughs and set backs and all are necessary for the learning process. In this particular episode, I share about my frustration with learning the same lessons over and over again, while also reiterating that Instagram is not reality - that there is so much that goes on behind a picture or video, and I'm no different. I hear all the time from my public instagram that people wish they had my life, wish they had as much money as me, and in reality, they don't really know what they're asking for. If you're looking for someone who shares some feelings of insignificance and struggling with self worth, this is the episode for you. Key themes include relationships issues and how they potentially impact self-esteem and self-worth.…

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16. Emotions [part 2]: what it means to “feel your feelings” 1:34:14

for 1 year siden1:34:14

1:34:14

This episode is our longest yet, but jam packed with vital information all about the role of emotions and how actively feeling them will change your entire life. It is the part 2 continuation of emotions part 1, and finalizes the “little learnings” for the emotion/body sensation phase needed to “interrupt the cycle” is step three of the healing process. I begin the episode with a short recap of part 1, and continue on to speak about the preliminary steps before we’re able to fully feel our emotions. Next, I move into the key steps of actually feeling your feelings and what it specifically entails. I also provide real examples to illustrate how this might look like in your real life. Key concepts include mindfulness, emotional granularity, resistance, and agitation/limbic friction. I then move into how our emotional regulation plays a role in communicating and expressing our emotions to others, while also understanding the communication and expression of emotions from others on a more empathetic level. I talk about how these emotional fields collide and the best way to blend the two together. I also open the real possibility of rejection/abandonment in emotional relating and how to overcome to not just improve your own emotional health and wellbeing, but to also strengthen your emotional bonds with others. I also go over coping mechanisms specially related to emotions, as thinking and emotions are two separate roads, and explain where these two roads merge and where they diverge. I stress the importance of creating space between thoughts, feelings, emotional body sensations, and action in order to come to the greatest and most effective solutions to our emotional problems. It’s a long one, but there’s no time wasted when you’re learning to master the most important skills of your life - emotional regulation and healthy relating to other people. The benefits that come from this learning are far reaching and exponential!…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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15. Emotions [part 1]: changing the narrative 56:27

for 1 year siden56:27

56:27

We are back with another “little learnings” episode, now covering the emotional piece. I know this is a long episode, but it’s probably my most important episode to date - and the most researched! I’ve working on this episode for 5 months, trying to flesh out all the details and nuances of emotion to help change your narrative and understanding of emotions as a whole. This episode starts off by de-mystifying emotions and the emotional experience by explaining the scientific and biological need for emotions to exist. By providing a clear definition and intricate understanding of emotions, I hope you change the way you relate to them as well. While the old narrative might be emotions are useless and to be avoided at all costs, we move into a deeper, wiser understanding of what emotions really mean for our lives and how to begin listening to what they’re trying to tell us. I touch on the impact of emotional trauma and how it affects our ability to feel, express, and communicate our emotions, as well as detail the grave problems that occur when they are ignored. I venture into explaining in detail the 5 core emotions and give plenty of examples to help emotional concepts stick even in the most emotion phobic minds. I truly believe recovery begins and ends with experiencing, understanding, and relating to our emotions in a healthy way, and this episode serves as the overarching framework to do just that. I know it’s long, but it’s packed with information that I feel is the most vital part of our recovery process.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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14. Understanding & overcoming fear of abandonment 58:42

for 1 year siden58:42

58:42

The perfect bridge between the past three dark intermission episodes and talking about emotions in the next episode coming, episode 14 really gets into the uncomfortable feeling that abandonment brings. Sometimes we fear being left so intensely that it effectively dictates the way we live our entire lives. In this episode, I discuss how childhood experiences shape our brain, nervous system, core beliefs, and inner dialogue which then serve as the compass of the life we live. We think life is inherently as it is, but it’s these underlying factors that are guiding the types of experiences we have throughout our lives. From those experiences, we layer on even more behaviors that we think protect us from the pain, but inadvertently come face to face with our own demise. It may seem that we are meeting the same kind of person with different faces, and, in this episode, I explore why that may be. I talk about the origins of abandonment issues and how those issues manifest in the quality of lives we have. I also discuss how sometimes the hardest things we face often bring the greatest jewels life could ever bestow. Could the secret to healing from abandonment be in the abandonment itself? And what kinds of things free us from this plaguing fear? Find out more in this bridge episode, combining dark intermissions with uncovering the truth at the emotional level.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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13. Why no amount effort on your part will ever make up for a lack of effort on their part 28:38

for 2 years siden28:38

28:38

After some life changes, we’re back with another dark intermission episode (in the same thread as episodes 8 & 12) examining what to do when someone’s effort toward your relationship suddenly starts to decrease. While I begin by focusing on unhealthy relationships that serves as a continuum of episode 12, I also shed light that some effort levels drop simply because that person is no longer in alignment with you. Sometimes your journey must move elsewhere, and moving on and letting go could be the best course of action. In this episode, we talk about the reasons why we get involved in relationships with people that don’t reciprocate our efforts, while also exploring the effects of staying in those kinds of relationships. We talk about how one sided relationships compare to healthy relationship and how, ultimately, building your self worth and vision for your life is your highest protection and guide to living a truly fulfilling life with quality, mutual effort relationships of all kinds.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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12. Why they didn’t choose you, why you can’t let go, and why rejection really is redirection 31:25

for 2 years siden31:25

31:25

This episode is in the same “dark intermission” thread as “the case for not choosing the guy (or girl) that makes the huge effort.” In this episode, I examine the questions a lot of us have following the ending of a toxic relationship - particularly the one where we did go for the guy who made the huge effort, only to be dumped just as quickly as they came into our lives. We can’t help but think, “why didn’t they choose me?” “They liked me so much in the beginning, what happened? What did I do? Why didn’t they love me?” So often we focus this conversation around what we did to repel or push them away, not realizing that the basis for the relationship was never even about you or them - it was about a need you both shared. A need that was complementary in the beginning that became contradictory once normal relationship issues come up. Ego and genuine, honest love simply cannot exist together. They negate each other. So while you think you’ve done something wrong, sometimes it’s doing something right that’s chasing the unhealthy people away - and this isn’t a bad things. Sure there could be things you also need to learn and work on, but someone’s ability to love you rarely has as much to do with you as it does with them and the relationship dynamics they are familiar, comfortable, and accustomed to. Sometimes it’s normal, healthy behaviors that push unhealthy people away, and that’s okay - because their rejection really is just divine redirection. Have a listen to find out why and what you can do to stay on your path.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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11. Thought reappraisals 15:46

for 2 years siden15:46

15:46

After going through the “little learnings” of logical fallacies and cognitive distortions, we finish off this cognitive restructuring segment with thought reappraisals. Thought reappraisals begin with identifying distortions that other people have told us or ones that we’ve told ourselves. By first recognizing that we’ve fallen into thinking traps can we start to find our way back to truth. By finding our way back to truth, we can more easily regulate our emotions by intervening at the thought level, challenging the core beliefs and world views that might be limiting our perspectives. By learning to see as things actually are rather than as we are, or as our trauma has informed us to see, we can move past dysregulation and into a more happy, healthy, and balanced future.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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10. Cognitive distortions 22:53

for 2 years siden22:53

22:53

This is the second of the “little learnings” we’ll be using for interrupting the cycle at the thought level. While logical fallacies talk about argument and evaluation in terms of interpersonal debate, cognitive distortions really speak to our mind’s misinterpretation of events, information, situations, or people being presented to us. Even more often, cognitive distortions can affect the way we see ourselves. If we accidentally distort the way we see things, we may act in ways that aren’t aligned with what’s healthiest for us or others. The goal is to uncover the truth about our own thinking patterns, so we can move toward a better reality because we see one is possible. In the next episode, we’ll get right into thought reappraisals and how to reframe our thoughts to be more geared toward reality and accuracy. From there, we can potentially reverse the downward spiraling of our lives by interrupting our behavior at the thought level. By lodging in new thoughts, we can allowing for a new feelings, body sensations, behaviors, and, essentially, an entire upward spiral to take hold.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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09. Logical fallacies 21:26

for 2 years siden21:26

21:26

Before we deep dive into [step three] of mapping healing - interrupting the cycle - I wanted to give you guys these “little learnings” to shed light on how exactly we can interrupt the cycle at the thought level. Understanding logical fallacies are critical in seeing how people’s perceptions, arguments, or evaluations of us can shape the way we think and feel about ourselves. We may shockingly come to find we’ve been basing our opinions of ourselves in distortions of reality or even down right lies. You might also be surprised to find some logical fallacies even border on emotional manipulation, in which you might have been subjected to you. In any case, I’m here to help you get your mind right. From getting your mind right, our feelings, body sensations, and behavior tend to follow, and, hence, begin to help us break free from our familiar patterns. Whether you’re unearthing trauma and past things people have said to you or stuck in a heated debate, logical fallacies are essential when thinking critically, so let’s get right into them!…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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08. Dark intermissions: the case for not choosing the guy that makes the huge effort 29:10

for 2 years siden29:10

29:10

We’ve all been here before - being treated less than desirably by the guy (or girl) who wanted us first. Often times, we think to ourselves, “well, if he’s (/she’s) making such a huge effort, maybe I’ll give it a shot,” only to proven to why you should have never given them any chance in the first place. In this episode of the dark intermission series, I reflect on a recent end to a talking stage and make the case of why we shouldn’t go for the guy (or girl) just because they’re making a big effort. Because effort level is only a reflection of their interest in you, I talk about all the ways, simply focusing on interest and effort is problematic. As I see it, huge strides of effort early on could be just as big a red flag as expressing no interest at all. Let’s have a chat on the three essential levels of moving past the talking stage and taking a closer look as to why effort level isn’t as strong an indication that the relationship will progress past the initial interest as we’d like to think.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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07. Mapping healing: [step two] uncovering the truth part 2 - let’s talk about God 30:09

for 2 years siden30:09

30:09

This episode serves as the part two follow up to the “ [step two] uncovering the truth” episode of the mapping healing series. Because I understand what a hot topic all things God and religion can be, I wanted to pair this off into a separate episode for those truly interested in exploring their spirituality. For me, God in my recovery was absolutely essential. I, personally, cannot separate the two, but given that speaking about God had different impacts on me, depending on where I was at in my recovery, I want to respect the wishes of all people at all points in their journey. In this episode, I speak specifically about my experiences with God throughout different stages of my recovery and healing journey. To me, while tremendous work can be done in terms of gaining information, in the “uncovering the truth” step, I found that the only real and lasting progress I made was when I started to place my life in God’s hands. The more I let go and surrendered, the more I found freedom. Additionally, I found that doing this “uncovering the truth” step in community with others, especially those with wisdom who could see what I couldn’t, knew truth that I didn’t, and helped lead me closer to understanding God was ultimately the deciding factor in how much progress I would eventually make. While I respect the wishes of all people, it is just my experience that God was a key and missing point in my life to which I do not believe recovery and freedom would have been possible. He supplied and provided things I didn’t even know I needed that ultimately led to the upward spiral I live in now. This is to also note that this journey - just like my recovery - wasn’t without its ups and downs, but just because you experience ups and downs, doesn’t mean God has ever left your side. In my conclusion, I don’t think I chose God as much as He chose me. I don’t think I brought myself up as much as God led me up. I truly don’t think I could have managed without His presence in my life, and this is just my story and perspective on that, and why I think He should be included in your healing journey, if you so choose. With him, many truths are illuminated - truths and provision that set you free. In effect, I couldn’t talk about what it means to uncover the truth, informationally, without talking about what it means to uncover the truth, spiritually. I think recovery and true healing happens when both coexist at once - an identity outside of your worldly and often traumatizing experiences.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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06. 7 Pillars of Health 48:55

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48:55

While I take myself through the mapping healing journey, I find myself, again, in the uncovering truth stage, gleaning new insights to unlock new levels of my recovery. In doing so, and spending time going back to look at the origins of my binge eating, I’m starting to see that no matter what you struggle with - eating disorder, adhd, personality disorder, mood disorder, panic and anxiety disorder, depression, etc., the body is always - even if unconsciously - looking for regulation. In every addiction, substance abuse problem, brain-behavior impulses, mental health issues, and destructive habits, there is an unseen pull for the body to get to balance. In this episode, I talk about the 7 pillars of health that universally bring every person, everywhere back into health, regardless of individual circumstance. These are the foundational pillars to which, even if other areas in your life are in disarray, the calm, routine and regulation of keeping these pillars in place, can make those other issues easier to manage. In essence, building these pillars in place through implementation in your daily routine will increase your resilience to stressful circumstances infinite fold. I introduce this in the middle of the mapping healing series because while finding out all the interworkings of our individual problems past and presents can be daunting, and healing itself can be an arduous battle, keeping these pillars strong and steady throughout your healing journey are the best way to safeguard yourself against further and new adversity. It’s a sure-win place to focus your efforts and guide you back into balance even when dealing with you past or present circumstances seems most difficult. The hope is even by simply upholding these pillars, the pulls to destructive behavior for regulation will be less tempting because you are establishing a routine of regulation in your everyday life. By patching up the holes in your life outside of your unsocial issues, there are less holes to fall into on your road through recovery. By standing on these pillars, you create a stable foundation for you to flourish and better equip yourself to stand tall in the face of adversity. **just want to add a disclaimer that I am not a doctor. I’m constantly learning new information and science is always evolving. While I have a science background, I am not by any means a professional in this field. I try my best to give you information to the best of my knowledge, but particularly the fields of neuroscience and nutrition are always changing and new information is being presented, so please use this information as just a guide to further your own research. For instance, after this recording, I saw evidence that the ketogenic diet, which limits carbohydrate intake, can be highly beneficial for mental and neurological disorders, so while I stand by the pillars as safeguards for holistic health, there are specifics that I only know enough to give general information, and sometimes I get it wrong! Please use all this information as a guide and not as the advice of a healthcare professional.**…

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05. Mapping healing: [step two] uncovering the truth 20:34

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20:34

In this episode, we dive straight into step two of the healing journey - uncovering the truth. After a brief overview of what we covered in step one, figuring out what’s broken, we explore how learning and gaining greater insight can better help us troubleshoot the core issues of our lives. By becoming curious about attachment theory, emotional attitudes, past traumas, family dynamics, the cycle of addiction, cognitive distortions, etc., we can gain information to help us make practical and lasting changes in our lives. We are essentially educating ourselves on the different facets and moving parts of ourselves and our lives - present and future - in order to guide us to the direction we want to go, and interrupt any cycles in an opposing direction. If sailing is the objective, uncovering the truth is the manual, while step three - interrupting the cycle - is actually learning to sail. In this case, everything we learn and glean from this uncovering the truth stage will effectively inform how we approach the next step of healing - interrupting the cycle. The goal of this step is not just to gain information, but to gain insight to inform the practical actions we need to take in our life to bring us back to balance, regulation, and, thus, recovery. While we focus mostly on step two, uncovering the truth, we are all setting up for step three to happen naturally and most effectively.…

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04. Mapping healing: [step one] figuring out what’s broken 36:46

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36:46

This episode is the continuation of the “Mapping Healing” series I began in episode 02. While episode 02 is the overarching look at the healing process and a brief look at each stage, this episode looks specially at the first step, which I’ve titled, “figuring out what’s broken.” In the episode, I discuss the differences between what’s genuinely going on behind the surface of symptoms. While symptoms may be trying to show you there’s a problem, it may not actually be the root problem. I talk about the benefit of looking at your life as a series of cause and effect to try and analyze what might have gone awry. I also speak to step two, uncovering the truth stage, to help gain information - but more largely, perspective - to help diagnose what might really be going on. I talk again about cycles of addiction, introduce attachment styles, coping mechanisms, and defense mechanisms. Emotional attitudes and behaviors passed down from parents is also explored. Please note that this is the second episode in a seven part series.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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03. Dark intermissions: an informal conversation about the darkness 36:25

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36:25

When it comes to healing, we may find ourselves pushing toward the light, but also find the dark pushing back. I promised to be a friend in both, so here I am - in the dark with you. In this episode, I talk about the feelings that come up when comparing my traumatized life to the life of someone I found to be extraordinary and healthy. I talk honestly about the loss of this friendship, as well as my struggles with slipping back into eating disorder behavior. As I look back, I find it hard to see all that I’ve missed out on - seeing trauma, bad relationships, and disordered behavior rule my life for so many years - but, ultimately, I don’t decide to stay there. Come with me as I take you into the shadows of my mind, with the hope that showing you my way, will help you find your way too.…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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02. Mapping healing: what “trust the process” really means 49:39

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49:39

We’ve all heard someone say, “Trust the process,” or “it’s all part of the process,” or some variation of these. When I was younger, I used to wonder, “what does that even mean?!” Life can seem to give you mixed signals, and depending on who you ask, you can end up going in infinite different directions. In this episode, I really wanted to break down my version of what trusting the process really means. I broke down the healing journey into six key steps, which I’ll be exploring in this mini series “Mapping Healing.” Before I get into each step on a deeper level, I wanted to provide a general overview of what the healing journey can look like for so many people. While what each step will entail and what work needs to be done will differ from person to person, I have found that most people who have found their way to freedom have trudged along this loosely defined path in some way. Come along with me as I show you the way through the darkness by illuminating step-by-step what’s to come. **side note** I realized I mistakenly said “behavioral sensations” in place of “bodily sensations.” The latter is correct!…

Light and Shadow: the podcast

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01. Procrastination, self-sabotage, and the cycle of addiction 28:41

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