EP238 Wish Your Partner Was ALL IN Like You? Do this.

Fearlessly Fertile Podcast with Rosanne Austin

Do you ever look at your partner and think, “WHY am I the one having to do everything?!?” Do you wonder if they are ALL IN? If so, you’ve got to turn this episode up, so you don’t unwittingly torpedo your relationship in the process of calling in your baby. You’ll thank me later.

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Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 238. Wish your partner was all in like you? Do this. Hey loves, I’m so excited to be here with you this week. And I wanted to give you something quick and easy to chew on because I don’t know what’s going on.

I, but I’ve been hearing from so many women lately. That they just wish their partner was all in like them. And, you know, I got a lot of compassion for this topic. Because as women, we’re the ones carrying babies, right? We’re the ones typically getting poked and prodded and legs and stirrups and all that.

Insanity and sometimes barbaric situations we find ourselves in just trying to get to our baby. And it can feel like our partner is just sort of, kind of a guest star every now and then. So I have full compassion for this, but as somebody who is deeply committed to your success on this journey, I think it’s also important.

For us to make sure that we aren’t slipping into some bad habits when it comes to the way that we see ourselves, the way that we see our partner, and all of that kind of interaction as we move through one of the most challenging times in our lives, okay? So, and I also, like, the old prosecutor comes out of me, and the fact finder, even though a prosecutor is not a finder of fact, a jury or a judge is, depending on the type of trial, but anyway, you know what I mean.

The old prosecutor in me comes out really wanting to figure out what’s the truth here. And rather than just running off with you, arm in arm, believing that your partner is a piece of shit, or lazy, or all of this other stuff that the Kabuki theater and our mom could have us believe, I thought it would be one of the most loving, kind, and most importantly, effective things that I can help you do by running you through a series of questions that I think is going to be really helpful not only in getting to the truth on this journey, but also to help you get clear because if there is a disparity going on between your level of all in and your partner’s level of all in or sorta in or one toe in, as you may find it, It’s really important to, to make sure that you’re working with actual facts and not fiction.

And when we are on this journey, the stressors are coming from so many different directions, it’s really easy to find ourselves in fiction. So, here are three questions, or actually, it’s two questions and then a challenge. That I want you to consider and if you haven’t done so already I mean we’ve been creating this high level content for you for close to a year now where we’ve been Giving you some really cool tools to work with if you haven’t already done So make sure you download the worksheet that goes with this episode You’ve got to do something smarter than just passively listening to this Hoping to change your results and downloading this workbook that goes along with this episode is one of those first steps because you’re not just like half heartedly, haplessly listening to this.

You’re actually taking the time to follow. And, and do something quite possibly insanely positive for yourself, your partner, and this journey. So if you haven’t done so already, download it now. Now, if you are driving or operating a heavy machine or you can wait to do that till later and just kind of follow along with this craziness that I’m doing right now and you’ll be fine.

So let’s dive right in, and the first question that I want to present you with is, it may seem obvious, but when we are in the throes of fertility journey crazy, it’s actually not obvious, and it’s super important that we ask. So, is it true that they are not all in? Is it true that they are not all in?

Because I know that you may feel that way, those feelings are valid, but the reality is, is that We can have a really warped sense of what’s going on on our journey if we’re not careful. For all the reasons that I already shared with you earlier in this episode, plain and simple, is it true that they are not all in?

Okay? Have the guts to face real facts here. And I know, I know if the resentment between the two of you has built up. You may be super committed to your negative, sad, victim y story, but in the end, that could really destroy your relationship. It will certainly shut down any positive communication that can be going on between the two of you.

It can also block you from seeing solutions in this scenario. So, get to the bottom of it. Number one. Is it true that they are not all in? The second question that I want to present you with is, what’s their reason for not being all in? Like, if you, if you seriously ask them, you know, hey, you know, so and so, I get the feeling that you’re not all in.

Ask them why. If that is true, that they’re not, like, all in, ask them why. Because here’s the thing, their version of all in may be very different from yours, okay? And you may hear things like, well, I am all in but, or, I am all in until, or you may hear, I am all in except when, Right. So these are really very telling answers and you want to give yourself a chance to fully understand what’s going on.

If your partner is not all in, like I mean, chances are they’re going to have some caveats. When you are going for a dream, you cannot expect even your closest people around you to 100 percent get the gnawing, clawing, heart wrenching drive that you have to have this baby. Because you’re a woman, and this is the truth in your heart.

You can’t expect a man To necessarily feel the same way, because he’s, he’s a fucking man, and he’s his own person. And if you have a female partner, I mean, she’s got her own shit going on too, right? It’s not the same. You cannot expect your partner to feel exactly the same way you do. So, if you find out that they don’t, just ask them why.

Why is like, It is a really powerful question, especially when it’s asked from a positive place like this. Like, I’m not suggesting that you Whaaaaat? Whaaaaat? Aren’t you all in? Like, please don’t do that. Don’t do that unless you’re super committed to a breakup or divorce. Okay, don’t do that. But if you ask, Okay, well, it sounds like you’re not all in.

Can you tell me a little bit about why? Right? And if you do that in a really non confrontational, totally open way, you may be surprised at the answer you get. Now, here’s the third piece, because like, it’s two powerful questions, and then basically a challenge in this episode. The third piece of this is two words.

Do you do you, because if you find out that number one, it’s true that your partner is not all in. Okay. And second, you ask why then you are kind of left in a situation where you’ve got to ask yourself, Hey, what am I going to do now? Because you can’t possibly, like, if, if being a mom is truly on your heart, and this is like, you know, that.

when you live to 130. If you look back on your life and you don’t have this baby, you will fucking regret it because you’re leaving basically an aspect of your calling in this life and part of your purpose on the fucking table and it’ll just eat you alive that you don’t do this. Like, at some point, you gotta be willing to just do you.

You can’t be in a position, truly, if you’re actually committed to success. on this journey and, frankly, in your fuckin life, you cannot allow somebody else’s position, their fear, their negativity, their doubt, their lack, their scarcity, to rob you of something so precious as this life experience of being a mom.

You know, that’s like, expecting that if your partner doesn’t like you to, you know, like you being a physician, that you’re gonna fuckin give up being a physician. Are you fuckin kidding me? Or let’s say your profession is as a lawyer, and what, cause your partner isn’t all in on being a lawyer, you’re gonna fucking give that up?

And there’s a load of other arguments people can make, well, I mean, it’s different with your profession, this is a big, like, whatever, whatever, don’t get caught in the weeds here. You simply have to get to the bottom of, is it true that they’re not all in like you? And two, figure out why, and maybe the why is that they’re just, I don’t know, they just don’t feel it as deeply as you do, but that does not necessarily mean that they’re not all in.

You can kind of let them be all in on their terms, and it has nothing to do with whether or not you are willing to go the distance on this journey. Okay, and then finally, hey, sister, do you, do you? Now, am I intentionally dropping an atom bomb into your relationship? Well, no, because that’s not my call.

However, what I do know is that when you are seriously committed to being a mom, You cannot let somebody else’s baggage stop you from knowing what you must do in this life. The other part of this that I want you to keep in mind is don’t go for all or nothing thinking. Okay, just because your partner isn’t as all in as you, doesn’t mean that they aren’t committed to your happiness and are willing to go To whatever lengths you want to go.

They just may not express it in the same way, they may not wear it in the same way, and they may not want to talk about it as much as you do. And you just have to let that be. You gotta do you. Because at the end of the day, you are responsible for you, you are responsible for your dreams, and frankly, if you find out that your partner isn’t as all in as you are, it’s kind of good to know.

So that you have some sense. of the kind of support you’re gonna need. Maybe you need to renegotiate some things in your relationship, whatever the case may be. It does not have to be a relationship ending proposition, right? And if you are in a situation where your first move is that this is relationship ending, girl, you got other things going on in that relationship, okay?

There’s like 50 steps before you get to that place. And you want to give your partner an opportunity to discuss this rationally with you. And I’m not suggesting when I say rationally that you are fucking irrational, not at all. But these things can get really heated and we can go into avoidance to avoid that heat, to stay out of the kitchen, to stay out of the frying pan.

But here’s the deal, that shit’s always going to catch up with you. So, if you have a scenario where you wish your partner was all in, essentially what I’m teaching you here to do is go get the fucking truth, and then find out what’s behind that truth, and ultimately be willing to take responsibility for your dream.

Now, I know that that can seem like a lot with all of the other stuff that’s going on in, in your journey, in your life, your profession, and all this other stuff, but you can’t run from it. It will always catch up with you. So if you have any questions about the all in this of your partner, take what I am sharing here with you.

If you feel like modifying it, modify it. Well, do you, right? But in the end, as a woman who is a hundred percent responsible for the outcomes in her life, which you are like it or not, You’ve got to at least be willing to present these questions to your partner. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Love them enough to help them love you.

And if they can’t, well, that’s another episode. That’s actually my entire second book, if you haven’t read it. Are We the Reason I’m Not Getting Pregnant? The Fearlessly Fertile Method for Clearing the Blocks Between Your Relationship and Your Baby. If you haven’t read it, Read it. It’s kind of like the book that gets lost in the mix, but it’s absolutely worth reading.

And it’s definitely, at the time that I wrote it, like, it just was pouring out of me. So if you love your partner, you love your relationship, you want to raise your baby in this relationship, do yourself a favor and ask the two questions that I presented here. Today, as well as be willing to take step number three, do you, if it comes to that, because at the end of the day, baby, we live with what we choose.

So, and here’s the thing, if you are not getting the result that you want on this journey, one of the smartest things that you can do is take a look at your mindset when all your potions, lotions, treatments, and diets, and all those things are not working. You gotta look in the one place that is a common denominator, baby, and that is you.

And if you know that you’ve got work to do, my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind, and body. So they don’t have to look back on this time in their lives with regret. I work with women that are committed to success.

If that’s you, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com And apply for an interview there. My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. Go check me out on Instagram. Check out my highlights, real baby. We got the proof. We got the receipts.

And look, if you don’t have a mindset for success, you’ve got a gape and hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit. Set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of The Fearlessly Fertile Podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you.

When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.