200: Ask Alvin Anything (Part 1!)

Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

When I saw that our 200th episode was coming up, I knew I wanted to do something special to celebrate. Listeners called in with questions for me for our 100th episode, which was released in September 2019. The numbering is a bit fuzzy, I have to admit - we're actually well over 200 episodes because there have been an assortment of Sharing Your Parenting Mojo conversations with parents and other folks that use a different numbering system, but whatever. It's still a milestone😊

Back then, I was just getting into exploring big social justice issues on the podcast. Early in 2020 I did two episodes on how patriarchy affects our parenting, followed by an extended series on the intersection of race and parenting, and several episodes on advertising and consumerism.

We learned a lot about sex, and I started what has become a series of 'deconstructed' episodes where I examine an idea that is usually assumed to be 'the way it is,' and find out that perhaps that isn't the way it is after all. I looked at:

• How most of what we think we know about attachment theory is probably wrong
• Authoritative isn't the best parenting 'style'
• The current darling of anyone working on mental health, Polyvagal theory, is most likely a myth (although it may still be a somewhat useful myth)

In June of 2022, in preparation for a pair of episodes on supporting neurodivergent parents and children, I interviewed Dr. Hanna Bertilsdotter-Rosqvist, who is autistic, to test out the autism screener. I wasn't expecting it to return a positive result for me, ultimately resulting in a self-diagnosis that, of course, I shared in an episode. Lots of listeners reached out after that one to offer gratitude, and one message I will carry for a long time said something like: "I always conceptually knew that neurodivergent people have value but it wasn't until I heard how your autism helps you to process all of this information for us that I truly got it."

So given that you've heard a lot from and about me over the last few years, I thought a natural next step would be to offer listeners the option of asking my husband Alvin anything they wanted!

We received quite a few questions, and two listeners - iris, who has been around for many years, and Corrine who joined us more recently - stepped up to co-interview him. I was quite willing to throw him to the wolves and let him do the interview himself but he wanted me to be there, so I joined as well. (I should note that the conversation was scheduled for a week when some really hard things were happening in a community that I'm in, and my energy level was a bit low.)

Alvin has many amazing qualities but succinctness has never been among them, so unfortunately we only made it through about half of iris and Corrine's questions, as well as those that listeners submitted. We did talk about:

• Alvin's relationship with his own parents (who think we're terrible parents to Carys);
• How we met (an inappropriate workplace relationship!);
• How Carys is similar to/different from us;
• What I was like before I started the podcast compared to now;
• How Alvin has changed over the last 10 years, as a person and as a parent - and how he's deepening his relationship with Carys using Your Parenting Mojo's tools

We plan to come back for round two in the future!

Here are a couple of things we talked about on the episode:

• A somewhat difficult-to-see picture of Alvin with long bleached hair

• My guides to hiking the Tour du Mont Blanc with a baby

Jump to Highlights

00:42 Introduction to this episode 00:55 Guest hosts Iris and Corrine introduce themselves 06:54 Alvin shares the elevator pitch for his love story with Jen 15:18 Jen’s qualities that drew Alvin to her 20:42 Alvin’s childhood and family interactions while growing up 27:17 Family conflicts arising from diverse approaches to meeting core needs, especially in Carys's relationship with her grandparents 32:22 The changes (if any) in Jen's personality and approach to parenting from before she started researching the topic to the present 37:28 Alvin’s reflection on the impact and significance of Your Parenting Mojo 43:51 The ways Carys differs from Jen and Alvin 47:14 The most significant shifts for Alvin as a parent and as a person. 57:56 Wrapping up the discussion