200. Motherhood, decluttering, mindsets (the 200th episode, listener Ask Me Anything)

Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting

As a way to celebrate 200 episodes and 5 years together, I asked listeners for their questions on any topic. In this episode, I’m answering questions on the most important question to ask when decluttering, abundance vs scarcity mindsets, motherhood stages and seasons, and more from AMA (Ask Me Anything) questions

Here are the questions that I answered in this episode, and related links to posts and episodes that you might like:

DECLUTTERING

1. What is the most important thing to consider when trying to declutter as an Enneagram type 7?

• Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)
• Enneagram + Motherhood Series
• 143. How to let go of IDENTITY CLUTTER
• 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift
• 111. Decluttering decisions and guilt [Q+A]
• 110. Our relationship with stuff, and other decluttering questions

MINDSETS

2. How to develop a positive mindset when dealing with a chronic illness or health worries of family members?
3. Did you always have an abundance mindset? If not, when did it change and how do you nurture it?

• (LISTEN) 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance)
• (READ) The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset)
• 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding)

SIMPLE ON PURPOSE

4. What has changed since starting the podcast? What is the purpose of the podcast now?
5. What is your main source of inspiration for your work?

MOTHERHOOD

6. What’s something you’re loving about your family’s ages, stages and dynamics right now?

• 190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family

7. How can I best parent my middle child?

• 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun
• When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)

8. How do I know if our family is meant for another baby?

FUN AMA

9. What is your favourite book?

• Books mentioned: The Glass Castle, Outlander, The Nightingale

10. What are you manifesting right now?
11. What’s on your bucket list?

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The Simple on Purpose Community, join here

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Full transcript (unedited)

0:11
Welcome to the simple purpose Podcast. Today is our 200th episode. And for this episode, I wanted to make it really collaborative. So I went to Instagram and Facebook and email. And I asked for questions. I wanted this to be a q&a episode, where you are kind of opening it up and asking the things that have been on your mind, things you’ve wanted to ask me things you are interested in. So we’ve got a range of topics. We’ve got decluttering, and mindsets and motherhood, all my favorite topics. And I couldn’t get to everything. So if you don’t hear your question answered here, hopefully, I’m going to address it in an email in the Facebook group or in a future episode. Let’s just jump in. The first one is on decluttering, what is the most important thing to consider when trying to declutter, I’m a type seven, and this person is referencing the Enneagram, that they are a type seven on the Enneagram. For those who have never heard of it, the Enneagram is a self discovery tool. It addresses our strengths, our stress habits, and something that makes it different is it addresses our motives as well. It’s a tool that I use with clients who are interested, I have a lot of posts and episodes on it, I’ll make sure to link those. A type seven is someone who avoids negative feelings and pursues the things that make them feel good. So it’s going to look a little bit different for each person. But that type seven does has have the stereotype of being enthusiastic moving on to the next thing. And if you’re a type seven, you might get distracted and never finish when it comes to decluttering. So in terms of decluttering, an important focus for a type seven would be having a bit of a plan, like slowing down, writing out maybe three steps and finishing finishing type nines the type I am, they’re guilty of not finishing to, you know, getting stuff into a pile is one thing, getting it out the door and another I rely on my type three achiever husband to generate the movement on that. Overall, to answer this question, though, I want to distill it down and I spent a lot of time considering what would I distill it down to would be the most important thing when trying to declutter. And here’s what I came up with, at this point in my decluttering journey, I would ask, What would my life be like without this item. So like I said, I’ve had years of decluttering, helping people helping family. And I know that we keep things because we think our future selves will need it, or we’re going to sell it for money, or we’re going to do something with it. But that thing just becomes an obstruction of space and mental energy, we never get around to fixing it or listing it online, or we did and no one came to get it. And or we listed it and no one wanted to buy it for what we think it was worth, we think it’s worth more money, or we never use it, we never cook with it, we never wear it, we never read it, we just never make a use for it. But there it is in our space, reminding us that we should use it, sell it, fix it, whatever. Every time we open up the closet, go to the basement, pass that room where the stuff just is. It’s almost shouting at us, you should use me, you should take care of me you should sell me you aren’t doing the thing you should do. And in my opinion, that clutter causes a lot of emotional and mental drama, that could all go away if we just let it go. Instead, we’re letting it take up space, we’re paying money to store it in our homes to heat it to cool. And that space we could use for living? What would my life be like without this item? What would my space be like without this item? What would my closet feel like? What would my kitchen feel like without this item? I have a couple episodes that I think relate to this on identity clutter? And what if I need it one day, I’m going to link those in the show notes. They were a couple of questions on mindsets. And the first one is a two parter. One part of that is how to develop a positive mindset perspective when dealing with a chronic illness. Also how to not spiral into constant worry about health, health of family members during difficult times. I’m going to try and address both of these in one notion. And remember, these episodes are never a substitute for therapy. They are ideas you can try. When you get to sit and talk with a professional one on one, you get so much more insight and tools that fit with your life and your circumstances. So if you are struggling, or you simply want a new way of approaching things and thinking about things, I encourage you to talk to someone one on one with answering this question. The thing that stands out to me is that it is hard to think positively about an experience that you actually feel is negative. So trying to shift into positive thinking it will feel fake your brain won’t buy it your mouth might say it but your body won’t sink into it. And in these cases I encourage you to meet yourself where you are at meet yourself in the worry in the defeat and validate those emotions validate how you’re feeling. It is defeating to have a chronic illness. It is a lot to be worrying about loved ones, these are hard things to carry. And it’s important that you acknowledge them. Rather than trying to jump into a positive mindset. And not to say you can’t shift into a positive mindset, but you have to meet yourself where you are at first. Start neutral. You don’t have to like your chronic illness. You don’t have to love life and feel totally great and feel totally peaceful with the health of everyone and yourself. But what would it look like to shift just up one level from where you’re at right now? This is a question that I think we could spend a whole episode on. And these situations are really great to bring into counseling, especially if you have a counselor who works with act acceptance commitment therapy. The next question is, did you always have an abundance mindset? And if not, when did it change for you? And how do you nurture this? What is an abundance mindset? I’ve got an episode on that. I’m going to link it. The abundance mindset is the flip side of the scarcity mindset. So it’s scarcity versus abundance. Where scarcity says there is not enough time there is not enough friends, there’s not enough opportunities, not enough to go around. If someone else is good at something, then somehow that makes me less good. Versus abundance, where there is enough what’s meant for you will always be available. And if someone is really great at something, there’s room for you to be great too. And this question when I read it, did you always have an abundance mindset? It almost made me snort, laugh? Because No, I definitely had a scarcity mindset. When it came to my abilities, my looks to opportunities to money for sure. I had scarcity of time. And this time in my mind that of how this timeline of my life had to go. And when it changed was when actually I just learned what scarcity and abundance was. I shared this in the Related podcast episode, I had first heard this concept in relation to the story of Rachel and Leah in the Bible, who were sisters. One was beautiful. One was not one was praised and revered for her beauty. And because they’re sisters, there’s this comparison thing that naturally happens to siblings, unfortunately, who is and who is not if you are this than the other one is not. And it hit me as one of three girls in my family noticing the ways that I felt like I was not because they were. And that’s really when I learned about this mindset, and how do I nurture it? I feel like I view opportunities as something that are always going to come back again. If I say no to things that don’t work well for me, I feel like I can have an assurance that if something is meant for me, it’s going to come back again, I have less FOMO if things are meant for me, they’re going to come back again. decluttering stuff is a lot easier. Again, if I’m meant to have that thing, I’m going to find a way, I’m going to find an alternative. If plans get canceled or a session gets canceled. To me that’s a gift of time that God has given me for a reason. And I try to view that as now I have this little abundance of time. If I’m holding an event or something and not everyone shows up. Well, I believe that the people who are meant to be there, they came and I go all in with them. There are other people doing things on the internet similar to me podcasting or counseling, and I think good. I think that’s good, because this stuff matters. And I know I’m not for everyone, but I’m here for the people who want to work with me. And then more people out there sharing the messages of intentional living and simplifying your life. That is good. Moving on, I had some questions about how I work do business do the podcast in the first one is what has changed since starting the podcast? What is the purpose of the podcast now? In man? Are you my business coach, I might need you. I’m reflecting back in 2018, the first episode of this podcast came out and back then it was called simple Saturdays and it was an audio form of the simple Saturday’s email. So it was a brief episode covering snippets of about three to four topics. And then I did the you can simplify your life series. And it became this format a 20 ish minute episode on a single topic. And so I’ve maintained that format. But of course I feel like I have changed, where I was focusing a lot on simplifying and decluttering I feel like that groundwork of doing those things has been laid. And as I’ve grown more in my own simple on purpose journey, I’ve grown more in counseling and coaching. I’ve been working with a lot of women and moms all over the world. My eyes have seen a broader range of topics or just different topics available to us as modern parents as modern women. Now I feel like the purpose of the podcast is to support you where you are at to To help you see new ways of thinking or approaching your life, to give you ideas and strategies to try and to normalize what is hard and let you know you aren’t alone. And really community. I personally love it when you treat this podcast as a conversation, and you share your thoughts with the Facebook group where you respond to me whether that is through Instagram or the Facebook group. I actually want the Facebook group to be your community. That’s my challenge for you from this episode, friends, go into the Facebook group after this episode or on Instagram and share something any thoughts? Keep the conversation going be that other part of the conversation for me here? What is your main source of inspiration for your work? Right off the bat, I’m gonna say I avoid listening to podcasts or reading Instagrams of people who are doing work very similar to mine, because that pulls me out of my own lane. It pulls me out of the things that are actually on my mind and on my heart to be sharing. And inspiration for me comes from my own life and working with clients. There are themes that come up over and over again, if you’re a client, if you have heard me share an episode about a topic that we just talked about, please no, it is not because of you. But it’s because it’s enough of a theme that if there were this handful of people who brought it up and needed it, I feel like it’s worth talking about more generally. And I also get inspiration from my life. Like I said, this is called simple on purpose. And it started with me sharing this journey of decluttering my house wrestling with being intentional after years of being on that autopilot. And I was processing with you sharing what I was learning and I still am I think that journey is still going I’m still processing still learning.

11:45
And of course, there are times where I doubt what I’m doing or it feels weird. To talk about my closet rental or intentional parenting. I don’t know how much to share. I don’t know if I’m sharing too much or too little. And then you guys send me a message of encouragement. And I write you back and tell you how much it means to me because it really really does. Your messages, your feedback. Those things really carried me through times of doubt. You guys are my inspiration. Oh, which also reminds me another huge source of inspiration is your feedback on the reader feedback survey the reader listener feedback survey that I usually send out in the spring. And any questions that you guys ever share with me when I asked for your ideas on topics and questions in the Facebook group on Instagram. Definitely you guys what you want to hear that inspires me. We’re gonna move on now to topics around motherhood, motherhood stages and motherhood seasons. The first question is, what’s something you’re loving about your family’s ages, stages and dynamics right now? And this question makes me smile because things are so different. That baby stage, that toddler stage, that elementary Primary School stage, it is so different. Those early stages, especially babies and toddlers, they are so demanding of your time and energy. If you are in that season, one of the hardest seasons of motherhood is that baby and toddler stage guys. Now my kids are almost 1311 and nine, and this season, there’s a lot more inside jokes. There’s a lot of music playing on Spotify, there’s a lot of refereeing how they’re treating one another how they’re talking to one another. I think it’s because they are all peers in the same middle school right now. They’re all going to the same school. So the way that they interact socially and try to like go to each other on I think that’s coming home. Some of the main themes at this stage of parenting are extracurricular activities. So between the three kids, they each have one activity. But that means every afternoon and most weekends, it’s practices and games. So that perceived free family time that we had when they were younger, you know, where the afternoons were really, whatever we wanted them to be the weekends were whatever we wanted them to be. That’s something we have to be so intentional about. And sometimes that means we all pile into the truck, and we go to an away game and another town and just be together because we’re family. So we really have to be intentional about family time. Other things are screen time. We have limits for Xbox and the iPad that we share as a family. Definitely more limits than we do on the TV because the TVs in the living room. We’re all watching it. It’s pretty social. I also have my soon to be 13 year old pitching me that they need a smartphone versus the flip phone that they currently have. So these are ongoing conversations that we’re having. Some of the things I like at this stage, they have more responsibility. They’re helping out more with chores. Of course that comes with a lot of talking to them about it and getting them involved and helping them see eyes for what needs to be done. I like that we can have more of a matured theme in the TV we watch or the movie movies, they’re not just cartoons. I really like that we can communicate through music. And we like to share new songs and artists that we found with each other. I like that they can make snacks for themselves, they can get themselves ready for school or activities ensure they forget to pack enough snacks, or when we go on a trip, they forget to pack themselves socks or something important. And yeah, I am the kind of parent who just kind of let them figure it out live with those consequences, because I want to keep encouraging them to grow in their independence and do these things on their own. At this stage, my favorite thing is at the end of the day, when everyone’s home from their activities, and they shouldn’t be getting ready for bed, but we’re all in the kitchen, because someone has to eat a late dinner. And we’re just kind of like in the kitchen living room. And we’re just chatting. I’ve never had this dynamic growing up, and just being in a space together, talking about nothing listening to music, it feels so healing and sacred to me. What matters to me, as a mum, is the relationship being a safe place for my kids. They don’t like all my rules, I have to choose my battles. But at the end of the day, at this age, it feels really important to me to just keep showing up each night asking what’s up if there’s anything on their minds. And usually it’s the night time where we have these conversations, there’s something about all of the distractions being gone. And they’re alone in their room with their thoughts, that they kind of want to talk about stuff at this point. And so they’ll call me back into their rooms. And I’ll always go they know that. And they’ll just kind of share what’s been hard for them. And, and to me, that is one of the things that matters the most to me as a parent. Moving on to the next question, how can I best parent My middle child, and this made me smile, because it’s something I asked myself. And just from my own experience, I think it helps to first notice your family’s dynamics. Where does the energy go? Where did the resources go? What does the family conversation focus on? In our family, I noticed we talk a lot about hockey. My daughter has a brother on either side of her that are in hockey. And if you have kids in sports, you know it takes over. So I try to be more mindful of that and bring a little bit more balance for her. Some ways are small, like changing the conversation topics away from hockey, turning off sports net, and some are bigger ways. Like at the end of the hockey season, I take her away on a getaway, I call it the hockey sisters get away and sometimes team up with other moms whose daughter had to sit through a lot of hockey games for their brother in that’s just a way to kind of honor the effort that she is putting into supporting her brothers and supporting the family. But as a middle child and the GIBBO. My own experience being a middle child, I think the best way to parent them is to notice them, to seek them out, talk with them, check in with them just go sit in their room, what are you doing what’s up. And most importantly, this has been a goal of mine this year, because I think about when I was at age, what would have made me feel more connected and seen. And that is simply to have fun. Just have more fun. sure our kids could be cleaning their room more and become more responsible. But really at this age to connect with them. I think the best way to do that is to just have fun. Another question was how do I know if our family is meant for another baby? And this is such a personal question. There’s so many layers to it. What was your vision for what your family would look like? What does it look like right now? What do you feel like another baby would bring in to your family? What would be hard all of these questions. And if you’re unsure, I think you need to sit and explore these things and honor the truth in your answers. I will say this is a personal question that only you can answer. And if I had one piece of advice it would be if you have a partner involved in this decision that you and your partner are really both on board. We’re going to wrap up with just a few questions about me and the first one is my favorite book. There are a lot of books I’ve liked. I don’t think I really have a favorite but three are sticking out to me as eras of my book reading life as an adult. And the first one is The Glass Castle by Jeannette walls for a long time. This would have this would have been top of my list. It was one of the first memoirs that I read that really had a peek into someone’s childhood and family and that really deeply impacted me to see the freedom in writing about actual experiences about one’s family. Then of course Outlander really guys It ruined all historical fiction romance novels. For me nothing will compare to Outlander. And finally, the most current one and this is maybe in the past 10 years is the Nightingale by Kristen Hanna, who was an amazing author but her books are off In tragic men really about the female bond, this book the nightingales, about two sisters during World War Two, and they’re very different experiences. And the reason why I picked this is because it’s a book that I did not stop thinking about long after I read it. It’s something that I would think about when I was outside laying on my grass is something I would think about cooking my dinner, because it had such a contrast to the freedom that was lost for the sisters to the freedom that I had in my own life. The next question is, what are you manifesting right now? And well, I picked a theme word. So I wonder if that’s the same. That theme word for me as deepen. And for this year, I am really thinking about deepening in my work, deepening in my relationships deepening in my community, it does feel a little bit overwhelming to think about these different aspects of my life and going even deeper. When I do feel like there isn’t a lot of time and energy for things. So trying to be really mindful of how that can be done while still honoring the balance that I seek. And kind of also pushing me out of my comfort zone a little bit. The last question is what’s on your bucket list? Such a good question, because I don’t think I consciously have a bucket list for my life. I have a lot of goals and purposes and visions for how I want things to be. But a bucket list. The first thing that came to mind is traveling to Europe with my husband. It’s something we talk about often just seeing the history in the buildings, the culture, eating the food, and going all the places definitely on my bucket list.

21:36
And the other thing that’s been on my bucket list since I was a teenager is to build my own home. When I was a teenager, I was like drawing out floor plans of the ideal home is something I had done over the years. So I like to think in my retired years that something that would be possible for me. We’ll see. So this wraps up our 200th episode, thank you so much for being a part of it. Thank you so much for being a part of simple on purpose. I am here because of you, you listening. I am here because of you. And I thank you for being here. In the last episode, I talked about cognitive distortions, and that’s going to be part of the next episode coming up on positive self talk throughout the day. A reminder, stop by Instagram and say hi, or stop in the Facebook group. If you’re there, share your thoughts, ideas, questions with the community there. And if you feel inclined, share a rating and review of this podcast in iTunes or your podcast player. Those always help out in that you appreciate them so much. All right friends, have a great

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