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My Inner Torch

#Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #D Stevens

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In our second installment of the Small Business Starter Kit series - we’re tackling a topic that’s sometimes tricky, sometimes confusing, but ever-present: taxes. Hosts Austin and Jannese have an insightful conversation with entrepreneur Isabella Rosal who started 7th Sky Ventures , an exporter and distributor of craft spirits, beer, and wine. Having lived and worked in two different countries and started a company in a heavily-regulated field, Isabella is no stranger to navigating the paperwork-laden and jargon-infused maze of properly understanding taxes for a newly formed small business. Join us as she shares her story and provides valuable insight into how to tackle your business’ taxes - so they don’t tackle you. Learn more about how QuickBooks can help you grow your business: QuickBooks.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

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Navigating a relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder has been notably difficult for me. I’ve experienced blame-shifting and gaslighting that undermine my self-validation and esteem. I’ve noticed that individuals with these traits often depend on others while harboring resentment, creating a confusing and draining emotional environment for partners like me who are seeking connection. In my long-term relationship, I felt increasingly disliked amidst the dysfunction and abuse, ultimately contemplating separation as a means of empowerment. I’ve often criticized the tendency to remain trauma-bonded and have come to understand the importance of recognizing the unhealthy nature of such relationships. Throughout my 24-year journey, I’ve learned to trust my intuition, affirm my own truths, and prioritize my personal well-being over the demands of the relationship. I advocate for healing and self-affirmation, urging others like you to do the same.

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234 episoder

My Inner Torch

Finding YOUR right...

My Inner Torch

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published for ca. et år siden

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234 episoder

#Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #D Stevens

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My Inner Torch

1
Cognitive Dissonance and your Cluster B. A tragic mix. 12:34

for 2 dage siden12:34

12:34

Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways from this week's Podcast: Core Points: I’ve learned that cognitive dissonance deeply hinders escaping abusive relationships. As a victim, I constantly questioned my experiences, blaming myself. I now understand that Cluster B personality disorders involve subtle abuse: passive aggression, gaslighting, and silent treatment. I can now recognize manipulation tactics like “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” “No one else has a problem with me.” I’ve learned to trust my gut feelings: my anxiety, dread, and exhaustion signal an unhealthy relationship. Journaling has become my lifeline to identify patterns of abuse. I document incidents to see recurring manipulation. I’ve discovered the power of seeking external validation: talking to a therapist, friend, or joining a support group. 🔍 Summary Cognitive Dissonance in Abusive Relationships I want to share my experience with cognitive dissonance and how it prolonged my stay in an abusive relationship, especially with someone who exhibited Cluster B personality disorder traits. Cognitive dissonance was my mental struggle between what I felt and what I knew, causing intense self-doubt and confusion. I often minimized the abuse, constantly rationalizing my partner’s behavior by telling myself, “They never hit me” or “Maybe I’m the problem.” This internal conflict trapped me in a devastating cycle of self-blame and prevented me from acknowledging the painful reality of the abuse. Characteristics of Cluster B Abuse The abuse I experienced wasn’t always obvious. Unlike physical violence, Cluster B abuse is subtle and insidious. I endured passive aggression, gaslighting that made me question my sanity, guilt-tripping, and painful silent treatments. The lack of physical violence made it incredibly difficult for me to identify and label what was happening. My abuser’s intermittent periods of charm and generosity further confused me, making it challenging to recognize the manipulative behavior for what it was. Identifying and Overcoming Cognitive Dissonance Through my journey, I’ve discovered strategies to overcome cognitive dissonance and recognize abuse. Educating myself about Cluster B personality disorders and their manipulation tactics was crucial. I learned to recognize common gaslighting phrases like “You’re imagining things” or “You always overreact.” Keeping a journal became my lifeline – documenting incidents, no matter how small, revealed patterns of abuse I had previously overlooked. I learned to trust my gut feelings, paying attention to physical reactions like chest tightness and emotional exhaustion. Seeking External Support and Validation The most transformative step for me was seeking external validation. Talking to a trusted friend or therapist, and joining a support group provided the perspective I desperately needed. It took me years to understand my situation without external help. My goal is to provide support and understanding to others experiencing similar struggles. I want everyone to know that love should never make you feel anxious, small, or uncertain about your reality. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
Look Back Listen: What to Expect from your Cluster B Part 2 14:16

for 9 dage siden14:16

14:16

Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: In my experience with Cluster B relationships, I’ve learned they involve a false initial identity, often including love bombing and idealized portrayals. I’ve come to expect significant drama, including gaslighting, silent treatment, and cyclical devaluation. I’ve witnessed verbal, emotional, and potentially physical or financial abuse as common occurrences. I’ve felt the prevalence of neglect, where my needs were consistently secondary. I’ve endured circular conversations and blame-shifting as typical manipulation tactics. I now understand these relationships are inherently dysfunctional; accepting this has been key to my healing. 🔍 Summary False Identity and Love Bombing In my personal journey, I reflect on my long-term relationship with someone I believe to be a covert narcissist. I vividly remember the false identity presented at the beginning of our relationship. There were intense periods of love bombing and idealized behavior designed to create my emotional dependence. I recall how my partner initially appeared perfect and attentive, which starkly contrasted with their later behavior. I now recognize this initial persona was a carefully constructed illusion meant to draw me into the relationship. Drama, Abuse, and Manipulation After the initial charm wore off, I experienced the pervasive drama that characterizes such relationships. I endured manipulative tactics like gaslighting, the silent treatment, and constant devaluation. I lived through an emotional roller coaster of push-pull dynamics that deeply affected my mental health. I witnessed and experienced various forms of abuse, including verbal, emotional, and potential physical or financial manipulation. The emotional toll was immense, and I felt consistently neglected, with my partner’s needs always taking precedence over my own. Dysfunctional Dynamics and Healing Looking back, I can now describe our relationship using the term “triple D” —dysfunctional, dysregulated, and disordered. I’ve learned to recognize the circular conversations, blame-shifting, and alternative reality created by my abuser. The most important lesson for me was understanding that the relationship was unlikely to improve. By accepting the abnormal nature of our dynamic, I’ve begun my healing journey. I want to encourage others in similar situations to seek support and understand that healing is possible, even when the path seems difficult. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
What to Expect from your Cluster B Part 1 14:16

for 16 dage siden14:16

14:16

Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I know I must expect a false initial persona from a Cluster B individual, involving love bombing and idealized presentations. This is not who they truly are long-term. I need to prepare for significant relationship drama, including gaslighting, silent treatment, and constant conflict. I must anticipate various forms of abuse: verbal, emotional, physical, and financial neglect. My needs will be secondary. In Cluster B relationships, I’ll face circular conversations leading nowhere, blame-shifting, and living in an alternate reality where their narrative dominates. I understand that these relationships are inherently dysfunctional and disordered; they are not sustainable. I must accept this reality. I will seek support, validate my experiences, and carefully consider whether I can sustain the relationship’s ongoing toll. 🔍 Summary False Identity and Initial Idealization In my experience, the relationship begins with a deceptive nature that’s characteristic of Cluster B individuals. I’ve learned that an initial phase of love bombing and idealized presentations creates a false sense of connection. This carefully constructed persona is designed to draw me into an emotional orbit, fostering my dependence. Reflecting on my 22-year relationship, I can clearly see the contrast between the initial idealized image and the current reality of neglect and emotional distance. This deceptive initial phase is something I’ve come to understand as a crucial aspect of such relationships. Drama, Abuse, and Dysfunctional Dynamics I’ve personally experienced the consistent drama and various forms of abuse characteristic of Cluster B relationships. This encompasses verbal, emotional, and, potentially physical abuse. Neglect has been a key feature in my journey. The constant emotional turmoil and unpredictability are integral to the relationship’s dysfunctional nature. I’ve lived through specific examples like gaslighting, the silent treatment, and blame-shifting that create a cycle of manipulation and emotional distress. The constant push-pull dynamics of love and hate have been emotionally draining for me. Alternative Reality, Circular Conversations, and Gaslighting A defining feature of my Cluster B relationship has been my partner’s tendency to create and enforce an alternative reality. I’ve endured circular conversations that go nowhere, constant shifting of blame, and intense gaslighting. I’ve experienced how this manipulation erodes my sense of self and reality, leading me to self-doubt and questioning. These circular conversations, often like a confusing “word salad,” were designed to exhaust and confuse me. I now understand that the relationship operated under different rules, where I was consistently punished for not adhering to unseen expectations. Conclusion and Implications I’ve come to realize that these relationships are inherently dysfunctional and disordered. They are not sustainable long term and involve a continuous cycle of manipulation and emotional harm. My perspective now is clear and sobering about what to expect and the long-term implications of remaining in such a relationship. I’ve learned the importance of self-awareness and seeking validation and support. This journey has been a warning and a validation, encouraging me to evaluate the sustainability of the relationship and to seek help. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
The Cluster B Titantic 13:10

for 23 dage siden13:10

13:10

Send us a text I’ve come to understand my relationship through the metaphor of the sinking Titantic. Just as the Titanic’s unsinkable reputation proved false, the initial charm of my relationship masked its ultimately destructive nature. I entered the relationship believing in its potential, but the reality was a predetermined failure. It was like I was a passenger boarding a ship, unaware of its impending doom. Denial and the Illusion of Hope I constantly denied the problems in my relationship, even when faced with obvious signs of abuse or dysfunction. Despite mounting evidence, my denial was similar to passengers refusing to believe the Titanic could sink. I now realize this denial led to prolonged suffering and prevented me from moving on. I clung to hope, which blinded me from facing the reality of my situation and taking steps towards healing. It was like being caught in Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, hoping against all odds for a positive outcome. The Importance of Self-Acceptance and Healing Accepting my relationship’s failure was incredibly difficult, especially with the deep emotional investment and trauma bonding I experienced. My long-term relationship was marked by abuse and neglect. However, I’ve reframed this painful experience as a learning opportunity that allowed me to grow and develop a way to help others. I understand now that recognizing the abusive nature of the relationship was the first step towards healing and reclaiming my self-worth. I learned that hope for change is usually false, and true healing requires completely disentangling oneself from the toxic relationship. Reclaiming Identity and Moving Forward I now urge myself to prioritize my well-being. While diagnosis can be helpful, I’ve learned that recognizing the toxicity of a relationship is sufficient to justify ending it. I’ve sought outside help through counseling, but I know that lasting change depends on my self-reflection, accepting the relationship’s failure, and committing to my self-esteem and self-value. My focus is now on reclaiming my identity and moving forward, independent of any approval or validation from a Cluster B personality. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
Stop feeding the monster! 13:16

for 30 dage siden13:16

13:16

Send us a text I’ve learned through painful personal experience how challenging it can be to maintain a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits. My journey has been filled with emotional turmoil, constantly investing love and energy into a connection that never truly reciprocated genuine affection. I found myself trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment, particularly with a partner I now recognize as a histrionic covert narcissist. My experiences have taught me the critical importance of changing my perspective. I’ve come to understand that reducing my emotional investment is not a failure, but a necessary act of self-preservation. These individuals, like my wife, consistently evade accountability and excel at emotional manipulation. They create a confusing landscape where love seems just out of reach, always promising connection but never truly delivering. I’ve realized that non-Cluster B individuals like myself possess qualities these partners fundamentally lack - genuine empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to acknowledge harmful behaviors. Where I sought understanding and growth, my partner only sought control and validation. The most profound lesson I’ve learned is to focus on my healing and well-being. I no longer seek validation through attempting to make an emotionally unavailable person happy. Instead, I redirect my energy toward understanding myself, recognizing that being in an abusive relationship was never my fault. My journey has been about reclaiming my emotional autonomy, understanding the intricate dynamics of these relationships, and ultimately choosing myself over a destructive connection. I share my story not from a place of bitterness but from a place of compassionate self-discovery and hope for others navigating similar experiences. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
How much?$?$?$? 13:08

for 5 weeks siden13:08

13:08

Send us a text Relationships with individuals who have Cluster B traits feel like hitting the jackpot initially. When I first met my wife, the love bombing stage was intoxicating - it was as if I’d won an emotional lottery. The intense affection and attention made me feel special, chosen, and completely swept off my feet. But just like a rigged casino game, the odds were always stacked against me. What started as passionate devotion quickly morphed into constant criticism and emotional manipulation. I found myself increasingly invested, desperately trying to recapture that initial magical connection. It was like chasing a gambling high, knowing deep down that I was setting myself up for the inevitable loss. I began questioning the authenticity of their love, wondering if I was merely a pawn in a complex emotional game. The tragic story of Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie haunted me, serving as a stark reminder of how dangerous emotional dependency can become. I realized I was trapped in a cycle of hoping, believing I could somehow change or fix the relationship, despite clear evidence that would not come to be. Recognizing narcissistic behaviors isn’t easy. The emotional turmoil is overwhelming, and the pain of admitting that love might be unreciprocated feels almost unbearable. But I’ve learned that trying to change someone who is unwilling to change is futile. My energy is better spent understanding myself, breaking these toxic patterns, and valuing my own worth. This journey has been about self-discovery and understanding that true love doesn’t come with constant doubt, fear, or the need to prove my value. I deserve genuine connection, respect, and reciprocal love. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
Your Cluster B Valentine 13:10

for 6 weeks siden13:10

13:10

Send us a text It's Valentine's Day. In reflecting on my own experiences, I often find myself grappling with the emotional challenges of being in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits, especially during moments that should be filled with love, like Valentine’s Day. I can recall times when I poured my heart into expressing my love, only to be met with indifference. As I look back, particularly on my marriage, I recognize that partners with these toxic traits can struggle to show genuine empathy and care. I’ve come to understand that while labels like “narcissist” or “borderline” may describe certain behaviors, they pale in comparison to the emotional toll these relationships can take. What matters most is recognizing how damaging these dynamics can be. Through my journey, I’ve learned the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. It’s essential for me to prioritize my worth and to steer clear of relationships that take advantage of my vulnerability. By nurturing my sense of self-love, I believe I can attract healthier connections and protect myself from the emotional fallout of toxic relationships. It’s a continuous journey, but I am committed to embracing my worth and cultivating the love I deserve. We deserve better, we just need to acknowledge that. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

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The Cluster B Con 13:23

for 7 weeks siden13:23

13:23

Send us a text In today's podcast, I delve into the emotional challenges I’ve faced in relationships with partners who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, narcissism, and psychopathy. I know firsthand how easy it is to stay in these unhealthy dynamics, fueled by the hope that things might change through our own efforts, even when we recognize how detrimental they truly are. Drawing from my 24-year journey, I’ve come to realize that despite significant investment, positive change often remains elusive, leaving us caught in a painful cycle of confusion and hurt. I reflect on the complexities of recognizing when a relationship is no longer serving me. I understand how challenging it can be to take external advice to leave, especially when personal circumstances make it feel impossible. I’ve experienced neglect and emotional apathy rather than outright physical abuse, which makes it crucial to evaluate how we are treated and to question whether genuine love can coexist with negative behaviors. I’ve been caught in cycles of love bombing and dramatic ups and downs, and I’ve ultimately learned that true care cannot thrive alongside poor treatment. Looking back, I feel a deep sense of regret for not recognizing these harmful patterns sooner. It’s incredibly difficult to differentiate between love and manipulation when you’re deeply invested. My experiences have taught me that true love should never involve abuse. I want to share these insights with others like you, who may find themselves in similar situations. I encourage you to value your self-worth, make healthier choices, and understand that love should not come with pain or mistreatment. It’s so important to believe in ourselves and to be aware of the dynamics at play in our relationships. Be at peace! Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
Your Cluster B Loves you...or do they? 12:45

for 8 weeks siden12:45

12:45

Send us a text In today's podcast, I share insights from my four years of discussing relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality traits, such as borderline, narcissistic, and psychopathic behaviors. I’ve realized that true love requires emotional intimacy and vulnerability—qualities that these personalities often struggle to provide. Instead, I’ve seen how they can use personal information as weapons, which has been quite painful. Reflecting on my own experiences, I found myself in a relationship with someone I suspect is a histrionic covert narcissist. This journey has highlighted the significant challenges of vulnerability and accountability in such dynamics. I describe Cluster B individuals as malicious, egotistical, and manipulative, often driven by a need for narcissistic supply rather than any genuine affection. I’ve often grappled with the futility of showing love to these individuals. It seems they are primarily seeking validation and can easily manipulate their partners. Breaking trauma bonds has been a struggle for me, and I know the emotional toll of remaining in relationships filled with false hope all too well. I can relate to the despair of “waiting to die,” longing for a change that feels increasingly unlikely. Throughout my journey, I’ve understood the dangers of romanticizing these relationships and holding onto positive memories, which are often just illusions crafted by their behavior. Ultimately, I emphasize the importance of accepting the reality that Cluster B personalities are unlikely to change. Acknowledging this truth can be emotionally challenging, but it’s a vital step in the healing process. I encourage anyone listening to recognize the illusory nature of such relationships and the absence of genuine love and intimacy. If you’re looking for more support in your healing journey, I invite you to explore past episodes for additional insights and encouragement. Remember, you are not alone in this. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

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What to expect from your Cluster B.... 12:34

for 9 weeks siden12:34

12:34

Send us a text In my journey through relationships, I’ve found myself navigating the complexities and emotional turmoil that come with being involved with covert narcissists or individuals exhibiting borderline personality traits. It’s a painful experience that often leaves me confused, full of self-blame, and questioning my worth. I’ve endured extreme psychological abuse, marked by manipulation, control, and unresolved conflicts that have made it difficult to find my footing. Reflecting on my experience with a wife who clings to past grievances, I can see how it created a chaotic dynamic filled with blame-shifting. This has led to a great deal of emotional pain, a sense of isolation, and the feeling of being trapped. Each time I attempted to step away from the relationship, the abuse intensified, making it even harder to break free. What stands out to me is the deceptive nature of narcissists. They often project a caring facade, hiding their true selves beneath a mask that draws in codependent partners like me, who cling to the hope of rekindling an idealized version of the relationship. I’ve learned the importance of recognizing my inherent goodness through all this. It’s comforting to know that healing and moving forward are possible, even in the face of the shame and confusion from being deceived. I remind myself that I am worthy of love and I can find a path to brighter days ahead. Peace be with you! Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
Finding Peace 13:26

for 10 weeks siden13:26

13:26

Send us a text In my journey toward finding personal peace while interacting with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders—such as borderline, narcissistic, or psychopathic traits—I’ve learned some valuable strategies. I’ve realized there are five key behaviors I need to avoid: engaging in arguments, pouring my energy into one-sided relationships, trying to “fix” others, hiding my true feelings, and overthinking past events. I’ve come to understand that it’s futile to try to change these individuals; any genuine desire for change has to come from them. I’ve noticed that people with Cluster B personalities can often be manipulative, using tactics like love bombing, and I’ve learned that seeking external validation from them is unreliable. It’s also been challenging to navigate toxic relationships, especially with family members. Sometimes, I’ve had to limit contact for the sake of my well-being. Ultimately, I’ve encouraged myself to recognize these toxic relationships, appreciate the blessings in my life, and shift away from people-pleasing behaviors. This has helped me approach my interactions with a more discerning mindset, which feels empowering. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
It's NOT Possible! 12:46

for 11 weeks siden12:46

12:46

Send us a text In this podcast, I want to share my difficult journey of coming to terms with the reality of relationships involving individuals with Cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder. After nearly two decades of marriage to a covert narcissist, I felt a deep pain in realizing that a normal, loving relationship was unattainable. The emotional turmoil I experienced included trauma bonds, sleepless nights, and overwhelming feelings of anger and hate, all compounded by my denial of my wife’s true nature. Living with someone like this felt like being in a state of purgatory—I appeared happy on the surface, but inside, I felt profoundly unfulfilled and neglected. A pivotal moment for me was when I decided to remove my wedding ring. This simple act symbolized my break from an unhealthy attachment and my acknowledgment that the relationship was not what I had believed it to be. I learned the hard way not to hold onto the hope that manipulative partners would change. I realized that emotional manipulation could severely damage my sense of self. Through this experience, I understood the importance of self-reflection and recognizing my motivations. I realized that maintaining a typical relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder is often unrealistic. By acknowledging that past positive experiences might have been manipulative and recognizing the controlling behaviors of narcissists, I was able to shift my focus from my wife to myself. This shift ultimately led to healthier emotional outcomes for me, allowing me to reclaim my identity and find a sense of peace. Onward! Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
New Year...New Hope! 13:22

for 12 weeks siden13:22

13:22

Send us a text As a New Year dawns, I find myself reflecting on the disorientation that can linger after the holiday season, especially for those of us who have navigated challenging relationships with individuals exhibiting Cluster B personality disorders. It’s so easy to confuse trauma bonds with true love. I’ve seen how love bombing—an overwhelming affection often displayed by narcissists or those with borderline traits—can feel intoxicating, but it’s not the same as genuine love. I know that trauma bonds can form quickly through that instant attraction, only to later reveal negative traits in a partner. In contrast, true love takes time to develop, characterized by a deeper emotional connection that feels steady and nurturing. I’ve experienced the dynamics of trauma bonding firsthand, where one partner, like my wife, uses intimacy as a means of control, often echoing lessons from a narcissistic parent. This differs from healthy relationships, which blend physical, emotional, and intellectual connections. I’ve found myself on an emotional roller coaster, caught in extreme highs and lows that ultimately leave me feeling stagnant and lacking mutual respect with my wife. Important conversations often go unaddressed in these trauma bonds, highlighting the dysfunction that exists. I have felt immense frustration trying to engage in meaningful communication with someone displaying narcissistic traits like my wife. Our discussions often seem to devolve into accusations rather than fostering productive dialogue. I recognize the addictive nature of these trauma bonds, and it has helped me understand the stark differences in healthy relationships, which are built on mutual respect and effective communication. As I enter this new year, I hold onto a sense of hope for new beginnings and encourage myself and you, the listener, to seek healthier connections that nourish our well-being. Support the show…

My Inner Torch

1
13 Challenges of a Cluster B 13:10

for 13 weeks siden13:10

13:10

Send us a text In my journey through relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, particularly those with narcissistic and borderline traits, I’ve encountered a whirlwind of emotional challenges and complexities. Drawing on insights from Annie about narcissistic abuse, I’ve identified 13 specific difficulties that resonate deeply with my experiences. For instance, I often find myself confused about what constitutes normal behavior, as erratic interactions leave me questioning my own perceptions. The overwhelming negativity can be paralyzing, making even the simplest daily tasks feel daunting. I struggle with harsh self-judgment, constantly influenced by relentless criticism that seems to echo in my mind. It’s exhausting to feel like I always have to justify my thoughts and feelings, which stifles my ability to communicate effectively. After almost 23 years of marriage, I’ve grown increasingly frustrated with the need to censor my own emotions, which has fostered trust issues and a tendency to catastrophize even the smallest problems. This dynamic creates a profound sense of control and isolation, especially when my wife’s inability to provide validation leaves me searching for affirmation that never seems to come. Despite these challenges, I often grapple with a misplaced sense of loyalty towards my wife, clinging to the hope of restoring an idealized version of her. Yet, I also face the reality of a future that feels bleak and marked by emotional turmoil. I find myself contrasting this unhealthy relationship with what I know to be the qualities of healthy partnerships, where mutual respect and open communication thrive. It’s a complex and painful journey, but I hold onto the hope that understanding these dynamics can lead to healing and a brighter future. I hold the same hope for you! Support the show…

My Inner Torch

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Holiday Challenges-A Cluster B Checklist. 13:21

for 14 weeks siden13:21