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"How is it possible that a male who's made thousands of approaches can still be needy?"
Manage episode 287065710 series 2439125
Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/
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In the last clip I made, I talked about why a male who's made many thousands of approaches in the macro, who considers himself to be very confident, can still feel tension with an occasional approach he makes. I discussed how this is attributed mostly to 1) negative flux in recent micro approach volumes, and 2) mere insufficient diversity of approaches made to date. However in this clip I make a point about why a male who's made many thousands of approaches in the macro can still actually just be straight-up needy. In other words, if the act of the male approaching over time is supposed to augment his non-neediness and confidence levels, then how is it possible that he can still feel/be needy despite having already made so many approaches. The reason is because high macro volume in and of itself is not sufficient for fully eradicating the male of neediness and diffidence. It's high-volume *deregulated* approach that augments the male's non-neediness and confidence levels. That is to say, if the male goes into his approaches attempting to modify his behavior and avoid/circumvent rejection, he will always remain in a needy purgatory. The male needs to *embrace rejection* as a fundamental step in his approach journey. The male must recognize that rejection will never go away no matter who he is, what he says, or what he does. It's unavoidable. It's an inherent facet of approach/dating. This must be recognized. He must also be made aware that rejection is the source of male confidence. This is a more difficult concept for most males to grasp, as guys tend to overly focus on acquiring as many outcomes as possible. But the male should, at the very least, be inculcated with the point that his confidence level is linked to his rejections, not his positive outcomes. So the combination of saying, "Rejection will never go away no matter what + it's the source of my confidence as a male" should help the male embrace it in his approach life. He should start to view rejection vs non-rejection not as a binary system (i.e., he should not view each individual approach as "I got rejected vs I didn't"), but instead as linear sequences, where he knows that he is unequivocally *guaranteed* to get rejected, e.g., 12 times in a row before exchanging with the 13th girl. It's OK to incur incessant rejection because not only will it never go away, and not only is it the source of male confidence, but further, it is a prerequisite for ultimately picking up contacts and hooking up. Once the male internalizes that rejection is normal/unavoidable, the goal becomes not to minimize/avoid it, but rather how to better persevere through it. Once he reaches this stage, he will not worry about modifying his behavior in any way when he goes out approaching - i.e., he will become more deregulated in his behavior. And when the male fully deregulates (i.e., when he fully wings his approaches), it is only now that he accrues the maximal amount of non-neediness and confidence from each approach he makes...
Full article: https://mikemehlman.net/2021/01/15/how-is-it-possible-that-a-male-whos-made-thousands-of-approaches-can-still-be-needy/
289 episoder
Manage episode 287065710 series 2439125
Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/mikemehlman
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mike_mehlman/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mikemehlman.net
In the last clip I made, I talked about why a male who's made many thousands of approaches in the macro, who considers himself to be very confident, can still feel tension with an occasional approach he makes. I discussed how this is attributed mostly to 1) negative flux in recent micro approach volumes, and 2) mere insufficient diversity of approaches made to date. However in this clip I make a point about why a male who's made many thousands of approaches in the macro can still actually just be straight-up needy. In other words, if the act of the male approaching over time is supposed to augment his non-neediness and confidence levels, then how is it possible that he can still feel/be needy despite having already made so many approaches. The reason is because high macro volume in and of itself is not sufficient for fully eradicating the male of neediness and diffidence. It's high-volume *deregulated* approach that augments the male's non-neediness and confidence levels. That is to say, if the male goes into his approaches attempting to modify his behavior and avoid/circumvent rejection, he will always remain in a needy purgatory. The male needs to *embrace rejection* as a fundamental step in his approach journey. The male must recognize that rejection will never go away no matter who he is, what he says, or what he does. It's unavoidable. It's an inherent facet of approach/dating. This must be recognized. He must also be made aware that rejection is the source of male confidence. This is a more difficult concept for most males to grasp, as guys tend to overly focus on acquiring as many outcomes as possible. But the male should, at the very least, be inculcated with the point that his confidence level is linked to his rejections, not his positive outcomes. So the combination of saying, "Rejection will never go away no matter what + it's the source of my confidence as a male" should help the male embrace it in his approach life. He should start to view rejection vs non-rejection not as a binary system (i.e., he should not view each individual approach as "I got rejected vs I didn't"), but instead as linear sequences, where he knows that he is unequivocally *guaranteed* to get rejected, e.g., 12 times in a row before exchanging with the 13th girl. It's OK to incur incessant rejection because not only will it never go away, and not only is it the source of male confidence, but further, it is a prerequisite for ultimately picking up contacts and hooking up. Once the male internalizes that rejection is normal/unavoidable, the goal becomes not to minimize/avoid it, but rather how to better persevere through it. Once he reaches this stage, he will not worry about modifying his behavior in any way when he goes out approaching - i.e., he will become more deregulated in his behavior. And when the male fully deregulates (i.e., when he fully wings his approaches), it is only now that he accrues the maximal amount of non-neediness and confidence from each approach he makes...
Full article: https://mikemehlman.net/2021/01/15/how-is-it-possible-that-a-male-whos-made-thousands-of-approaches-can-still-be-needy/
289 episoder
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