The One Thing People Don't Tell You About When You Hit Your 50's

Leading You

Imagine balancing the demands of your career and your family, and then adding the role of a caregiver into the mix. Sounds overwhelming, right?

Well, it’s something that most of us go through when we become responsible for the care of our aging parents. That’s exactly what happened to me in the last few years. So, today I want to share my experiences and offer advice to those who might be going through something similar.

For the past few years, I've been deeply involved in looking after my elderly parents. My father battled cancer for three years before passing away, leaving my mother to manage on her own. Dad had always looked after everything, leaving mum unaware of how to pay bills, use a credit card, or even access cash. When he passed, I became responsible for managing her finances, which was both time-consuming and emotionally draining.

Thankfully, I had already helped my parents switch banks and sort out their direct debits a year before my father passed away, so I was somewhat prepared. But the entire experience highlighted just how unprepared I was for the reality of aging parents.

I’m not alone in this. Many of my friends are going through similar experiences with parents who have Alzheimer's, dementia, or other severe health conditions. One close friend is navigating this difficult journey as an only child. His mother is regressing with dementia and is now in an aged care facility. The impact on his life is significant, both emotionally and financially, as he also supports his father through this tough transition.

For those of you approaching this stage, taking the time to get legally prepared can save you a lot of hassle later on. Here are the top steps I recommend taking:

1. Make sure your parents have an updated will in place. I helped my parents draft theirs only a few years ago, and I’m incredibly thankful I did.
2. Secure an enduring power of attorney. This covers almost everything, including financial matters. I make most financial decisions on mum's behalf now, and having this in place made the process much simpler. You also want to have a medical power of attorney set up for unexpected medical situations.
3. Finally, you want to register yourself as a nominee with your government's relevant social services agency. Here in Victoria, Australia, it's an SS 313 form, but it varies by locale. This will simplify bureaucratic processes immensely.

Spend Time, Start Conversations

Beyond the legal and financial prep, it’s important to have conversations with your parents about their wishes if they pass away suddenly or are involved in an accident. It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s far better to know what they want when the time comes, rather than scrambling to choose for them.

Also, encourage them to talk about their lives! It’s something I wish I had done more with my dad. It was only when preparing his eulogy that I realised how many questions I still had about his life. So, spend as much time as you can with your parents. Trust me, you'll cherish these memories when they're no longer here.

Financial Awareness
It’s important to have some knowledge of your parent's finances before you have to take responsibility for them. Talk to your parents and get clear on their position. It’s equally important to have a solid understanding of your own financial situation.

Women in their fifties and sixties are the largest demographic of people facing homelessness in Australia. This is due to a lack of financial literacy and preparedness. So, make sure you’re vigilant about your financial health, know it inside out, and actively participate in it.

Caring for your parents isn’t easy, but being prepared can reduce the emotional, physical, and financial challenges that come with it. If you’re already in this situation, know that I see you, I hear you, and I send my love your way.

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