301: The Crumble

IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean

Who else has had enough of toxic positivity? Life is hard; the trauma going on in our world is hard; the stuff happening in your individual world is hard; being IN TRANSIT is hard; transformation is hard. No one gets a free pass.

So then why do we insist on sanitizing our reaction to such absolute truths? Why do we consider ourselves an exception to the human experience? What if instead of pretending, avoiding, or misrepresenting our “crumble,” we shooed shame away and allowed ourselves space and grace to fully *feel* the hard.

As the dust settles upon 2023, many of you have confided in me that you sense this will be a year of transformation for you. I get that feeling too. So let’s get back to basics with a four-part Bean Pod to help you understand and hack each of the four phases of transformation.

This week, I’ll first provide a refresher on the three primary varieties of transformation: internal-led, external-led, and performance-led. (And YES, you might self-identify that you’re simultaneously experiencing two, or all three types!)

Then, I’ll break down The Crumble phase. And if you recognize yourself in it, I’ll give you language to meet you where you are, and tips for how to get yourself on the other side.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

• No square skipping
• When procrastination sabotages performance
• The version of “The Crumble” that’s tougher to detect
• Danger of premature transformation
• Accepting the loss of control

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Need a little help to figure out which phase of transformation you’re in? I got just the trick! Take this fun, FREE quiz right here, and find out lickety-split.

• Sundae’s Website
• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Sundae Bean – YouTube
• Adapt and Succeed
• Amel Derragui
• IN TRANSIT Hub
• Global Coach Coalition
• Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In?

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

• EP265: New Name, Same Soul
• EP286: Upgrade Your Operating System
• EP266: The Constant Transition
• EP269: Rest vs Recovery
• Tandem Nomads EP266: The Journey To Brand Evolution And Transformation with Sundae Bean.
• EP217: Life In Limbo
• EP299: Transition Essentials With Natasha Nkonjera

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello and welcome to another very special edition of IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am back in Switzerland. And this is our three hundred and first episode airing on the podcast’s 6 birthday.

Before we dive into this episode, I want to say “thank you” for being here. We’ve officially crossed the mark of 300 episodes. This is episode 301 and is the podcast’s sixth birthday. It is 4 a.m. in New York, 10 a.m. in Johannesburg, and 4 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.

So join me in celebrating this 6th birthday of the podcast. If you are an avid listener, you know that the last episode was our 300th episode. And we celebrated all week long. That celebration continues because it is our 6th birthday here at the podcast. And thank you to those of you who shared with us the podcast that made the difference for you. Our Rest and Recovery podcast has been a big hit as well as episode 286: Upgrading Your Operating System as well as all of the other episodes that were to do with transformation. So we are going to focus on that process in this episode today. And what better time than on the first anniversary of my brand evolution?

So as a side note if you want to get a behind-the-scenes view on the evolution of this podcast and my brand that is marked by this year, then you can check out episode 265: New Name, Same Soul, there’s a totally different view that it was a guest on Tandem Nomads podcast with Amel Derragui 266, she talks about the journey of mine on the brand evolution into transformation. So you get a sneak peek of what was happening behind the scenes with all of that. So, if you haven’t listened, go ahead and check it out.

So because we’re talking about transformation, we’re celebrating these moments of evolution and looking at where we started and where we are now. It’s only fitting that we focus on that for you today. We want to look at your own business and personal transformation, right? And I want to help you look at where you are in your own process, and how you can be showing up in your life or business depending on that exact moment of transformation that you find yourself in.

So today’s episode kicks off a four-part pod or series where we look at transformation. So if you are someone who’s asking yourself, “Well I kind of feel like I’m in some sort of transition and transformation, but I really don’t know where. But something feels like it’s off or it feels outside of my control,” this is exactly what you want to check out. Most of my listeners when we dive deep on this say that, “It’s almost creepy,” because they understand exactly how it fits into their life. They finally have words for what they’re experiencing. And the bonus part about this episode in this whole series is that if you are someone who works with people who are in transition like working with expats or the globally mobile or you want to this will help you get language around that process. You can also apply it to your own business. So I’m excited. I’ll share more about why that’s relevant too at the end of our episode today.

But first we’re going to look at some of the basics:

1. Now number one, when we think about where we are in transformation, it’s important for us to think about our lives and how it’s in constant transition, right? I say more about that, in episode 266: The Constant Transition. But we really have to keep in mind that our transitions are rarely singular. They are most often layered. And that means at any given point of your life. You could be going through geographical location, maybe your family is evolving. Your body may be changing. Maybe some key relationships are forming or even dissolving. And I don’t know, maybe the economy is fluctuating, and there could be global politics and those dynamics are shifting.

Does this sound familiar? That our lives are constantly IN TRANSIT, right? And let’s start with that, that’s important for us to acknowledge Because it helps us give ourselves a little bit of grace for everything that we are navigating.

I had a client do this exercise that I do about ambitious transformation in transition at the end she said, “To be honest, Sundae, everything they’re listed was something I was aware of but until I saw how much I was dealing with at one time, was I able to actually give myself some grace for carrying that.” So I hope you can take inventory in your own life, how your life is constantly IN TRANSIT and take note of how many layers.

So now in addition to that, that is the soup that we are swimming in that is constantly shifting and changing. At the same time, we are going through a transformation in our lives and it might be one of three types of transformations:

1. Internal-Led. That means you wake up one day and you’re like, “Um. No, no longer working for me.” Whatever that status quo is for you. But you wake up and you know something has to change, but you might not know what it is, right? That was a sign of an internal-led transformation.

Maybe the city you’re living in just feels like a jacket. That’s too tight. Maybe the job that you’re doing feels like a pair of shoes that no longer fit. Whatever that is that is an internal-led transformation.

1. Then, of course, we have the External-Led Transformations, meaning change happened and you have to adjust. I don’t know, maybe it is an energy crisis on the continent or maybe there was a break in your relationship that you did not see coming. No matter what it is, you are now put into a situation where you need to try to bounce back from a back slide or at least try to rebuild after things have shifted. That is a sign that your life is in an external-led transformation. Whether you like it or not, that’s happening.

1. Then, there’s a third kind of transformation and that is Performance-Led. And that is this desire you feel to achieve a really big goal and whatever that big goal means for you. Maybe it means doing less at work so you can do more with your art. Or maybe it means getting that promotion. Or maybe it means hitting that significant revenue mark in your business. Whatever it is, it’s what you’re dreaming about. You might even be planning or you might have that goal but you’re stuck in years of procrastination. Whatever that is, it’s a sign that there is a performance-led transformation going on in your life.

And the interesting thing about that is maybe one resonates with you, you’re like, “Oh, completely. My life is in the middle of an external-led transformation.” Or maybe you say, “Oh this is all internal and thankfully now I have a name for it.” Or you might be someone who says, “Actually, I feel like I’ve got all three going on at the same time.” At least now you’ve got language for that. And regardless of how you feel like you’re being driven in terms of transformation, you know you need a plan to get on the other side of that transformation. And you know that just getting organized or thinking positive or putting in the time, whatever that is is not enough, it’s not going to cut it. You need to do something differently to create a life that is overflowing with purpose and meaning and balance, right?

And that’s what I’m all about. That’s what I am here for. So I want us to spend the next four episodes talking about in what ways our lives are in transformation? Where are we in this journey? And I want to have a little fun while we do this along the way. So to get started, I want you to ask yourself; What phase of transformation am I in? And to help you out, I have a very short quiz. I think it’s literally seven super quick questions. And what I’ve heard from those who’ve done the quiz is that the results are creepishly accurate. Again, my people are saying, “Sundae, it’s like you are in my brain.” And they say that the support I give after you do the quiz is far beyond what they expected. So go check it out. I’ll put it in the show notes. You go on my website, SundaeBean.com, and there’s a simple question at the bottom or the top that says, Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? Do the quiz, you’ll get results instantly. Or you can go to the show notes and get the quiz.

What we will do, in the next four episodes, is do something I’ve never done before. I will talk about these phases in the podcast, and we’re going to go deeper every step of the way. And today, we’re going to focus on the first phase. So I’m really excited about that. The whole reason about doing this is so that you can find yourself along this process of transformation. And why that’s important is there is a tendency for people wherever they are and their own process to try to do things that are outside of the scope of where they are in the phase.

It’s kind of like, let’s say you have a horrible breakup and you’re really uncomfortable and so you go out and you meet someone after this horrible breakup and you’re like, “Oh, this would be great to jump right into this relationship to sort of put the balm on my soul for the pain and peeling from the break-up.” Right? That’s what I call Square Skipping where you are trying to do the next thing but you haven’t done the work of the healing that you need for the break-up. And this is the same thing with transformation. We try to either stop it, which we can’t because sometimes it’s happening to us, right? Or we try to fast-forward it and skip the parts that are important. Just like, when a caterpillar goes into the cocoon to become the butterfly. If we try to cut the butterfly out of the chrysalis, the butterfly will die.

So my goal is to help you understand, where are you in your life and business in terms of your transformation? And what can you do to help yourself?

Okay, so the first phase, we’ll sneak peek, the first phase of transformation and you’ll find out in the quiz. If you are here, is what I call: The Crumble. Now, if you hear the words, “The Crumble,” you will know it that you’re in it because it will resonate with your life so hard. So, you are in the crumble, if you are in that phase of transformation where you are feeling lost, just not sure what’s going on, or that like your whole life is dissolving.

Now, that could be your personal life especially if you have an external transformation that feels totally outside of your control. Even more so if there’s an internal transformation where you are hearing things about what you want next that you never even knew you would want, right? And it is rocking your world, that is a crumble.

Now, if you are, let’s say a coach or a business owner, you might be in the crumble if you did not make a major shift in the last few years, based on what’s going on in our global economy. So maybe what was going on because of COVID and Russia invading Ukraine, and all of the other things going on in our world, maybe you froze in your business. And now you feel like you’re unsure whether your business will survive. Or maybe you don’t know what to do next because everything you’ve done in the past is not working anymore. That is the sign, then that you are likely in the crumble.

Now, we know, this doesn’t feel like a good phase, right? When things are crumbling, at least me, I like to have some semblance or Illusion of control. So this idea of my life disassembling is honestly terrifying and we want to gain control. But again, we have to do it in a way that matches the phase we are in. If anything, it’s just a false sense of control.

So if you are in the crumble, don’t worry, this is just another way that your life is IN TRANSIT and I’ve got your back. Okay, so there’s a couple things you can do, which I call: Stop Signs, and there are some things which you can start, which are: Green Lights.

So things that you can Stop:

1. Stop fighting your feelings. Stop being mad at yourself for feeling out of control. Stop being mad at yourself for feeling paralyzed in this situation. All right, it’s okay. If you’re in the crumble that is a sign you’re there and therefore is a natural reaction to that phase. A lot of people in this phase feel disoriented, they don’t know who they are anymore, they don’t know what they want to do with their business anymore. Something has crumbled, something has shifted. And the worst thing you can do is just play happy, right? Instead, you have to pause and go like, “Hey this is hard and I’m going to give myself some space for feeling the hard.”

And oftentimes people don’t make space for that. They actually push away the hard by overdoing and overworking. So if you are in the crumble, you’re trying to stop yourself from a breakdown, remember, in my podcast with Natasha Nkonjera, we said it was going to be, “Not break down but healing.” You’re trying to actually stop your healing process by not feeling your feelings. So here it’s about carving out space, whether it’s in a walk, whether it’s a meditation, or whether we’re talking about this with a friend, but to really acknowledge what’s hard. And give yourself some cozy safe space to sit there.

And if you are again a business owner and let’s say, you serve people who are in transition and you find yourself stuck in the crumble, I have seen this happen, you will shame yourself. “Oh, I should know better. I should do better.” Why would you be outside of the human experience, right? In fact, I welcome those phases as a business owner, as a human, because I know it’s going to be hard and that the tools that I have, I’ll either use and they’’ll move me forward. Or they won’t work anymore and I will have to dig deep and find better tools, right? So, if you are a practitioner and you serve people in transition, like the globally mobile, this is also an opportunity. But first, go back to stop fighting your feelings and give yourself some grace.

I’ve got some ideas in other podcasts, I can share with you about that, but you need to be really careful that you allow yourself the space to live in that limbo holding that space of the crumble. And you can check more about that in episode 217.

1. Okay The other thing that you might do is you might be listening to your mind. And it might be saying things like, “Oh, you’ll stay stuck here.” Or if you’re a business owner, you’re going to say, “Oh, I can’t do this. I’ll never make my dreams happen. I’m not good enough,” right? That is a time to notice those thoughts, give yourself some grace and say, “Oh, this is because I’m in the crumble and I’m noticing that’s what’s going on.” So what can you do? You stop resisting your feelings and you can start loving the crap out of yourself. Give yourself some grace and give yourself some permission to slow down.

Give yourself some permission to call what I say, “I just need to cocoon right now. I need to give myself some space to just process. the crap that I’m feeling and rejuvenate my energy.” Dial back just for a moment so that you can refuel and get ready for the next step.

And I think that’s important. And if you’re a business owner, it feels hard to do that. But realize it’s a long-term investment for you and for your business.

1. What you can do if you want to move forward in the crumble, we can’t push ourselves out of this phase but what we can do is support it in the right way using the right strategies so that we grow into the next phase. Like the caterpillar goes into the chrysalis, the same thing. You don’t push a caterpillar into a cocoon, they evolve into it. That’s that natural process. The same thing for you, you might want to consider, if you’re in the crumble, hey, get some help, get some support, whether it’s a friend, or a coach, or fellow business owners. Surround yourself with people who are on your side and are going to help you during the crumble so that you can gain your strength and clarity and move forward. We have all kinds of shame around asking for help. Honest to God it is when the smartest strategies you can do with an excellent business strategy. Every single big jump in my business has come from hiring people who are two chapters ahead of me and having them by my side, as my confidante, as my advisor, and as my cheerleader. So, seek out support. Make sure you don’t do it on your own.

Here’s a shout out for those business owners who are in the crumble. Now, at the top of this episode, I shared a reference to Tandem Nomads and Amel Derragui where I shared my brand evolution. And I don’t know if it comes out clearly in the episode but I was in the crumble. And feeling lost doesn’t mean you’re not productive. So there is a moment in my own business where I was running my business like a fast-moving train and serving my community with joy. And at the same time, there was something stirring inside where I knew it was an internal-led transformation, right? And that I needed to go in a slightly different direction but I hadn’t yet heard what direction that was. That was what would count as feeling, in the crumble, as lost. Not knowing where to go.

And I felt like you can be moving forward in the existing structure like your business and things are still running smoothly but there is a core in the inside that is crumbling. Which means the clarity and direction and the conviction of this is the direction you want to go. ”Hey, I wake up in the morning and I just don’t feel alignment like I used to. Something is changing.” and I see those my clients all the time. That these lives that are enviable, businesses that are enviable, and then there’s this little voice inside that says, “Listen the thing that you built, it’s time for that to crumble because something new is going to get built.”

And I wanted to share that with you because it is another version of the crumble that is harder to detect but as important. If not more important to listen to because a sort of explosive crumble of a breakdown, everybody knows we’ve to pay attention to it, but something quiet inside that is shifting is subtle. It’s like a whisper at the start and will get stronger. And if you can catch it early you can get playful with it and say, “Huh? What is that? What is changing? Isn’t it curious that I feel that way? What if I carve out more time to find out what else is being said?” So I wanted to highlight that because it’s an important part of the crumble that most people don’t talk about.

Hey, just wanted to pop in here and let you know about something super special and time sensitive. If you were listening to this live every 2023, I am going to offer a challenge and it is the only challenge I have planned in Q1. So you want to make sure that you don’t miss it. And for those of you who are listening to this episode later, don’t worry, you can check it out in my free, Facebook Community, the IN TRANSIT Hub. So, here is what I’m doing in this it’s been a while since I’ve been able to really love the crap out of my community inside, the IN TRANSIT Hub.

And this is what I’m going to do. We’re looking at the phases of transformation that we find ourselves in. And as you know there might be one area of our life that is smooth sailing and other parts that are in the crumble. So what we’re going to do is we’re going to spend four weeks and I’m going to look at the four phases of transformation and you’ll be able to identify which each phase of your life is in that stage, what area of your life needs attention. And then, how do we work together to bring it one step forward? Now, this is for you for yourself or your own life but it could also be if you work with clients to help them, no matter where they are, if they’re feeling the crumble, or if they’re alive with infinite possibilities, how do we go forward? And if we’re in fight mode which you’ll find out about more in the next episode, what to do now?

So we Can’t always be in control of transformation whether its internal-led, external-led, or performance-led, but we can shape it. And the best way to do that is together, right? So join us in the challenge where we can look together at this stage that you or your clients are in and we can move forward in that process. Find out where you get stuck and what you want to do right now. And I’m doing something I’ve never done before. I’m really excited. There are a few bonuses as usual, in my group challenges, you have a chance to get free individualized coaching for me during the live group calls. So if you want to work with me, this is a great way to test it out or to just get value absolutely free.

We’re also going to share things I’ve never shared before. Never before Insight on the four phases of transformation, so check that out. We’re going deeper than we ever have before. And my most exciting thing is, you will get personalized attention from me via email. So make sure when you’re part of the challenge, check out the quiz, Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? And I will personally answer each and every email. All right, check it out.

Okay. So that is a crumble. I’m curious to hear from you. Does it resonate? If you’re not in the crumble right now, you’ll probably still recognize it because if you are human, you’ve been here, right? Whether it’s in your personal life or your professional life, that’s the crumble. And I want to remind you. It’s okay. Just be in the crumble right now. All we got to do is stop fighting our feelings, create a space where you can feel supported, and stop believing your mind crap about, “I’m not good enough,” or whatever version of that is in your own. Say, “Hey, I’m noticing these really really negative thoughts, just because I’m in the crumble. I’m going to move forward this.” And make sure that you get support.

Okay, so that’s the first phase of transformation. You will be able to find out the next three phases in upcoming episodes.

Again, the whole reason of knowing what phase of transformation we are in is to make sure we’re not skipping phases and we’re not using a strategy that’s for a completely different phase. Because that means it will keep us stuck in that area longer.

All right, so there you have it, it’s the crumble. If you’re not feeling the crumble right now, you can definitely think about times where you were in the crumble before. Whether it’s personally or in your business and ask yourself, “did I use strategies then? What would have happened had I used them more often when I was in the crumble?” Stay tuned for our next episode. We’re going to talk about the next phase of transformation called: Infinite Possibility. Sounds much better than the crumble but it comes with its own challenges. So we’ll have to make sure that we check in on that the next time.

But now I wanted to tell you about the news that I wanted to bring them so excited about. Even beyond the six years of, in podcast of the IN TRANSIT podcast. Even more than celebrating our first year of the brand evolution, is this. Now, if you’ve been paying attention to what we’re doing over here at SundaeBean.com, there have been a lot of new fresh things coming out and one of them is our upgraded program, Adapt and Succeed. It is perfect for those who are living lives that are IN TRANSIT. So if you are feeling like your life is super layered with transition, maybe you are missing people that are far away, maybe you’re feeling disconnected from someone who lives right in the same house. Maybe you’re going through a job transformation, a cultural transformation, or maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed by how many things you have to do professionally and personally. Any sort of transition layers that are piling up on you then you might want to check out Adapt and Succeed. because we have the perfect menu for you to pick what you need right when you need it.

And again, all of this is, “Do it yourself.” And we’ve got a guide that you can use, it’s really, really effective if you do self-coaching. But if you’re a person who needs someone by your side to help you go deeper, that’s what we have the Global Coach Coalition for. They are qualified coaches, psychologists, and practitioners, who’ve gone through deep personal and professional training, who are licensed to work with you in Adapt and Succeed and help you in your transition.

So check it out if that resonates. But here’s the thing that I wanted to tell you some of you are actually already coaches, practitioners, or psychologists and you would love to be able to support people in this way and have these tools at your fingertips. I am just opening the doors for the Global Coach Coalition again this year and likely one time only in 2023. So, if you are interested in serving people with exactly these kinds of tools, then check it out. The bonus part about being part of the Global Coach Coalition community is that we spend half of our time on really honing the tools and best practices to serve those who want to adapt and succeed in any life transition, even when it gets really tough. But we also spend the other part of our time completely focused on you up-leveling in your business. You’re working on that performance-led transformation. How do you want to grow in your business and who do you want to serve? That is how we also spend our time and in a gorgeous community of people who get you.

So if you are feeling like you’re in the crumble with your business and you want to have a new orientation and would love to have these tools at hand and cheerleaders by your side, as you kick start your business, check it out.

If you are someone who has an established business but wants to go further and up-level, this is also perfect for you. So check it out. The doors are now o

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