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299: Transition Essentials with Natasha Nkonjera

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Indhold leveret af Sundae Bean. Alt podcastindhold inklusive episoder, grafik og podcastbeskrivelser uploades og leveres direkte af Sundae Bean eller deres podcastplatformspartner. Hvis du mener, at nogen bruger dit ophavsretligt beskyttede værk uden din tilladelse, kan du følge processen beskrevet her https://da.player.fm/legal.

Hello, 2023! I have some big plans for you. After the past few years, you probably thought I’d tiptoe in like a mouse, but nah-ah; I’m coming in like a determined lion.

Sure, I’m looking at you with a glossy, future-oriented gaze, full of hope, enthusiasm, and fresh-slate thinking. But not so fast, because I need to properly bid adieu to 2022 first.

Dear, 2022… I thank you for pushing me to take huge risks; we did a lot of hard things together, didn’t we? And although we’re saying goodbye, I’m bringing your lessons with me, for I’m wiser and stronger because of them.

Welcome to our Reflections Bean Pod, and the first series of 2023! This week, I’m joined by my right-hand-woman, Natasha Nkonjera, for an episode that’s truly straight from the heart.

The owner of Fierce Collab, Natasha’s been my ride-or-die for years. Especially over these last few months, I don’t know how I could run SundaeBean.com without her masterful support. And as our chat will reveal, Natasha *also* experienced monumental transitions in 2022.

Today, Natasha and I reflect on our simultaneous moves out of South Africa. Together, unscripted and fully transparent, we both share the beautiful parts, the ugly bits, and IN TRANSIT support essentials.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

  • The nighttime scaries
  • Craving proximity to family
  • Victory in not letting your mind consume you
  • Finding laughter in the chaos
  • Bringing “home” with you

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

What hard stuff are you facing in 2023? Whatever it is, you’ll be ready. Meet the BRAND-NEW Adapt & Succeed = a one-of-a-kind program created to revolutionize the way individuals and organizations manage transitions.

Catch These Podcasts / Articles:

We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello, it is 4:00 am in New York, 11:00 am in Johannesburg, and 4:00 am in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.

What happens when a Swiss American meets a Malawian in South Africa? You know what happens? Magic. Today I am joined by my right-hand woman Natasha Nkonjera. She is my secret weapon at SundaeBean.com and the owner of Fierce Collab. She specializes in branding and project management. So, Natasha, thank you for joining me today. I’ll tell people more about how much preparation you’ve had for this podcast, but thank you for being here.

Natasha: Thank you, Sundae. Yay, I’m glad to be on the podcast.

Sundae: Okay, listen. So what just happened is I prepared the test everything was ready and then all of a sudden I was like, “You know what? This would be a lot more fun to do a Natasha.” So I literally sent her a request on my phone. So for those of you who are watching this podcast on the YouTube channel, I sent her an audio request and I was waiting patiently to see if she would be willing to do it and she agreed. So, no preparation, no script, no prompting. Natasha, thank you for joining me to kick off 2023 with our listeners. Those of you who are listening and now this is the first episode of 2023 and Natasha is such an integral part of my team. It just feels right for us to do this together because both of us have had transitions behind us in 2022. Obviously transition is ongoing. So 2023. I’ll say more about mine but Natasha why don’t you tell the listeners a little bit about the transition you’ve just been through.

Natasha: Yeah, so, again, thank you for having me, totally unscripted. But my most recent transition was moving back home to Malawi, from South Africa in August. Also happened very kind of out of the blue. I decided after the pandemic that I just wanted to be closer to family. And yeah, made the decision in April and decided to move back home in August. Repat. So yeah, it’s been a lot but it’s been great.

Sundae: What’s so interesting. So I knew I was transitioning end of June, you were transitioning end of August. So, both of us were like, in massive transition mode during this whole time. At the same time we were upgrading our program Adapt and Succeed, which is all about transition. So, we were really forced to, at least it for me, was an invitation to think about living the principles. Am I walking the talk? Because when I had to re-record the things or we looked at the material, some of the stuff were like best practices that I wasn’t doing at that moment. And I knew I needed to do it.

Natasha: Exactly.

Sundae: To support myself. I don’t know if you had that too while you were in transition.

Natasha: I did. So I did part of the Adapt and Succeed course while I was transitioning which actually helped me a lot and it helped me put everything in perspective and sort of dial everything down to like, “Okay, how am I actually going to reintegrated into my home country?” And yeah, if it wasn’t for the teachings in a Adapt and Succeed, I don’t think I would have been as level-headed as I was when it happened. I appreciate it.

Sundae: It was good timing. It was good timing to be doing the project. We can talk about more of that in a second but I would want to do is I want you as a listener to think about, often times at the beginning of a year people are focused on what’s new. You hear quotes like, “Starting a chapter of a new book and you can write the page,” and it’s very much future-oriented and fresh slate, which I love, right? And I also feel there’s a little bit of a missed opportunity to look back at the year that you just experienced to bring it with you into the new year. Because what we went through just now helps us make better choices for those pages that are to be written, right? So again, Natasha, you’re not prepped with this. So no stress or no pressure to have to come up with something innovative or brilliant but I’m going to share mine. I’ll share what I’m thinking and I’m curious what comes up for you.

One of the things I like to do when I transition between years, right now in the recording, it’s 22 to 23. I like to reflect on what am I thankful to my 2022 self. So if I look back, we’re recording this right before the new year, so I we’re still in it. And I think, well, the first instinct is like, “Wow, that was hard. I did a lot of hard things,” right? But then, if I go a little further, I ask myself, “What am I thankful for to my 2022 self?” And I am thankful for doing the hard things.

I also, like you. I wanted to be closer to our community in Switzerland. And I wanted my boys to be closer to the cultural context in Switzerland. And that comes with a huge expression of energy and risk. So I’m thankful to my 2022 self for taking risks for doing the right thing. Even if it was a hard thing. I mean, I’ve had hard conversations and the one word I wrote down or the one phrase when I was thinking about this was, “There are some leaps of faith that I took.” So I am thankful to my 2022 to self for that.

Natasha: I love that. I love that.

Sundae: What about you?

Natasha: I love that you said “risk” because I feel the same. I think risk was a big word with this transitioning back home. But, I think for me, initially, it was about love. I think, I just wanted to surround myself with love again. I was feeling really isolated and alone. Even though I have my friends and I’ve got some family in South Africa. I just don’t feel like I had enough time with my immediate family or surrounded myself with my immediate family, having lived in South Africa for so long. And I felt like this was it just felt like the right time to get back to love.

One quote that I’m sort of living by and I believe you mentioned this in one of your episodes. It comes from Brene Brown, and it’s sort of related to Maya Angelou, and it goes something like, “You belong everywhere and you belong nowhere.

And I think coming back “home,” I expected to feel at home with the location and being here and very often since I’ve been here, I haven’t felt like I’m home, And listening to that quote and reading that quote, made me realize that actually I’m here for love, but my home is actually within me and it’s not a place. It’s what I bring.

Sundae: And you know what’s so interesting? I was just having a conversation about this and we talked about the metaphor of landing somewhere, right? The choice that you made in your life, whether it’s a job or relocation or repatriating, or whatever. And this expression of empty shell came up. You get there and you want to feel whole. But there’s an empty shell. And then you’re faced with a decision of like, “Is this a choice. Is it going to always feel that way?” And when I heard that metaphor, I really it resonated in a sense of like, empty shell that I need to fill. And with a gentleness. Not explode with something but like gently fill that shell so it feels whole and maybe create reinforcement of the shell, so it’s not fragile.

You want to land somewhere? And boom. It’s full, right? But it’s actually like, “No, I land and it needs to come.” You need to build from within whether that’s like your own self-love and acceptance or community or connection or fulfillment or purpose or whatever, but that has to be filled gently. That’s so interesting.

Natasha: And it’s holistic, so filling in with all the different things that should fulfill you not just –

Sundae: And stable, stable over time. Instead of like, “I’m just going to do something really exotic that meets this need for adventure and then everything else goes away.” It’s like, no, we’re going to look bigger. So that’s really been interesting, I think. Because what do you do when you get to the destination, whatever that is like the job, the kid, the relocation, and then all of a sudden you’re like, “Nope, still empty shell.”

Natasha: Exactly. Exactly.

Sundae: What do you think you’re most proud of that you did in 2022?

Natasha: That’s a very good question, I think not letting my mind, consume me. I think I gained a better sense of control over my emotions and you always talk about resilience, and resilience over endurance. And I think with everything that has been thrown at me, I’ve managed to handle it by having it. There was many rate down many, many breakdowns, but I pulled myself out–

Sundae: They call that healing, it’s healing. And every time we say, “Break down,” let’s just say, “Healing.”

Natasha: Okay, there was a lot of healing involved in moving back. Plenty of healing and I’m pulling myself out of that. I did that with a lot more grace and a lot more self-compassion. I think self-compassion. That’s what I’m looking for. And I think I’m building that more and not beating myself up for some of the mistakes that I’ve made or some of the expectations that I had that didn’t come to fruition. And just riding the wave as we go.

I can’t control everything and I think I kept thinking that I’m in control over my transition and everything’s going to be great, according to this plan and when it didn’t, the healing started.

Sundae: Yeah. You have to when you’re in that space, you have to practice self-compassion. I’ve said this in other podcasts, I don’t even know like what is self-love, what is self-compassion? And I had always felt like, very, I don’t know, almost like a yoga mat, woo hoo language, I couldn’t identify with until I got to a place where I was like, “Oh no, I think I need to try that.” That would probably be a good thing to try.

Natasha: Yeah, that will help.

Sundae: So one thing that was interesting that you said about your thoughts, actually, I wrote down when I was preparing for this solo episode, I wrote down something about, “Not taking my exaggerated thoughts seriously.”

Natasha: Hmm.

Sundae: And so this idea of exaggerated thoughts, I’ve noticed I’m of an age where I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and when I’m awake, then I’ll notice thoughts will come in and I know they’re exaggerated. But I have a distance where I’m like, this is an exaggerated thought, but it’s still happening. And then what I’ll do is I’ll maybe like take a note, send myself a message. So in the morning when I’m actually back to my reality, I can look at that. And inevitably in the morning, I’m like, “Wow, did you see where your brain was going?” And one of my friends calls it, “The nighttime scaries.” Which she’s like, “Oh, Sundae, everybody has the nighttime scaries.” Any time we’re in transition we deal with uncertainty. How do we hold our uncomfortable thoughts which is trying to actually have control, which is trying to help us predict? And how do we just hold those with love and say, “Okay that may or may not be true but what can I do to stay grounded here?”

So I think that’s interesting I actually wrote it down and then I thought well maybe they won’t understand what I mean by that or I just didn’t think it was as relevant and I deleted it. But I think you said it in other words.

I want to invite the listeners to do that exercise. What are you thanking your 2022 self for? What comes up? What’s the first thing that you would say, “You know what, 2022 version of me deserves a thank you for…” What do you fill in the blank?

And now I think once you have that, I’d love to look at in what ways will your 2023 self be wiser. So when I answered that question for myself, I wrote two things down. I said; my 2023 self is wiser because she can hold discomfort in new ways, and she is building the ability to trust in creating what hasn’t yet been created. And let me explain that.

I think there is this, this might be my journey, it might be everybody’s journey. But there’s this thing where if you want to do something, you have a goal and you want to create it, it’s like, “Okay, go do the thing.” And here’s step one, two, three, four. Like if you want to go to university, you will finish your basic schooling, then you get good grades, and then you apply, and then you go to class and there’s like a path, right? But I think, honestly, all of us right now are in a space where because of what’s been going on globally, we’re just figuring this out. There’s new things that are coming up. We don’t know how to do this. In 2018 we knew but we don’t know anymore.

Natasha: Really, figure it out as we go.

Sundae: And I think for me it’s like this process of like I’ve been asked to do something and no one has done that, in this constellation, right? Maybe they’ve done similar things and similar places and spaces, but no one has done this with these people or in these circumstances. So trusting that I can create something meaningful even though it hasn’t been created before. I don’t know if that sounds too abstract, but that’s what I wrote down for me.

Natasha: That’s beautiful. That’s really beautiful. I love that

Sundae: What about you, your 2023 self? How will it be wiser?

Natasha: Hmm. I think I would like my 2023 self to trust in my ability more, my abilities more. And I think I don’t value myself. Well, I haven’t been valuing myself enough, I think I need to add more value and just my sense of self and trust that I am capable of more than I think I am.

Sundae: mmm-hmm.

Natasha: Yeah.

Sundae: That’s a pretty wise 2023 self. Yeah cell phone Chimes.That’s a lot of people. Yeah

Natasha: And just stop doubting. I think it’s imposter syndrome. Stop doubting, that I’m not good enough or I won’t be able to achieve it or I’m not worth whatever it is that comes along.

I think also just putting myself out there without the fear of judgment because people judge anyway, right? So just being more, “me.”

Sundae: Why is it so scary? I’ve said, this another podcast, why is it so scary to be yourself?

Natasha: I think it’s being vulnerable like, opening yourself up to vulnerability, and allowing people to judge you because it happens.

Sundae: Hmm.

Natasha: Yeah, confidence is hard. I think I’m learning a lot more from you to be just be confident, and I see it in you and I think I’m like absorbing, trying to absorb all that energy into myself.

Sundae: It’s good, it’s good. Well I see it in you too so I think I’m trying to pull that out of you too.

Natasha: With this, especially.

Sundae: You guys have no idea. Honestly, for those who are listening and watching, I was waiting to see how she would respond because I know this isn’t your jam. I’ve asked you to do public things before, when you said, “Yes let’s do it.” I was like that was a huge growth moment I think for you because I don’t think a year or two ago you would have said “yes.”

Natasha: No.

Sundae: And I’m just enjoying this conversation so much. So I’m so glad that you said “yes,” I hope that our listeners are enjoying it as well.

Natasha: I hope they are too. Thank you.

Sundae: Oh so good and you’re just so good at like getting to the heart of what’s real, right? And I think one of the things I’ve learned about why it’s hard to be yourself is, I think if I look at my own journey, years and years ago, it was like, “Well, what does society want from me?” Right? “You want me to be like that, okay? I can do that. You think I should be good at school. Okay, I’ll crush it.” Looking outward at who I should be. And with one of my clients, I call that, “Plugging into the others” You plug into society, you plug into your family, you plug into, who knows what, whatever relationships you have. And then you perform that identity for them, to be good.

And then this process of, “Wait a minute, what if I plugged into me? What if I allowed ‘me’ to come out.” And then it’s scary because I went through this process when I went from writing blogs to being on video. Because with a blog you could critique my English, you could critique my argumentation. But like I was pretty confident in my writing skills. So I was like you know, fair enough if there’s ways to improve, fine. Or you just don’t agree. But with video, I was terrified because I’m like, “What if you don’t like my voice? What if you think I’m annoying? What if?” You know. And then it’s like, “What if you don’t like me?

So, it was a fear of not my ideas being rejected. Me being rejected.

But why do I need other people’s approval of what already is? Sorry, this is what you get. My laugh, you either love it or hate it, but I can’t really change that. You know what I mean? So, I was afraid for people not to like me and for them not to judge me. Until I was like, you know what, I can’t mold myself into something that I’m not. And how arrogant is it to think that I could actually control how people feel or think about me? How arrogant and manipulative is even that concept?

Natasha: Right? Right. There’s that saying that, “Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business,” something like that.

Sundae: Exactly. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Byron Katie talks about that all the time and it’s really allowing yourself to let go, to surrender and to do that. And I have never shared this publicly but there are moments when and it feels vulnerable to say this, actually, but I’m going to say it anyway. I’ll be in a space of people and some of them, it could be that they know me quite well, or it could be that they’re just getting to know me. And then let’s say we’re at a table eating and then I will laugh. Or I’ll make some sort of cheeky comment. And it’s almost like it just flopped out of my mouth. And it’s then there’s like this– I’ve had a fear reaction where I’m like, *gasp* “Was that too much? Am I too much for them?”

Have you had that too?

Natasha: I have that all the time! Especially after having a social interaction with a group of people, especially people that don’t know. Because I feel like with my friends and family, they know who I am, they accept me for who I am. But if I’m just a group of people that I’ve just met and they don’t know my personality, the next day I wake up with anxiety. Like, “Oh, what did I do? Was that too much? And why did I say that?” So I totally get it. I totally get it.

Sundae: I feel that I’m a little bit, especially the Swiss context, I feel like I take up a little bit more space in terms of culturally what would typically be happening you know in a conversation or whatever, and then I questioned that. And it’s like, well I can be adaptive and read the room. But when I’m in an intimate, almost collegial friendship space. Why is it scary? If someone sees a glimpse of that. That’s important to think about.

Natasha: Thank you for saying that.

Sundae: This is so interesting. I had no idea our conversation was going to go this way. This is so fascinating. So for those who are listening, ask yourself in what ways will your 2023 self be wiser. I think it’s important. If you don’t know that answer, pause the podcast or the video or write it down and make some time for yourself later because that’s what you have the opportunity to bring into 2023. I know for me, I’m looking forward to holding that discomfort and create what hasn’t yet been created as I take steps forward.

So let’s look on. I wanted to give people a little glimpse, I’ve shared in bits what’s been going on with me and my transition. But I want to share a little bit about some of what I’ve been carrying. Now, in June, we left South Africa, went to the US for a month. I came to Switzerland in mid-July, and I spent time in a transitional apartment during a heat wave in Europe. But the windows were closed, I was recording this program Adapt and Succeed, sweating like crazy, putting powder on my face so it didn’t look sweaty on camera, and was doing that. Then we moved to our house, we got a house but it’s being renovated. So I literally moved to a construction zone, I would have like powder on my clothes when I would bring the kids to school or go to work.

And then my I put my kids into a new academic system, a local system, where they’re doing school in a new academic language. In fact, two languages. My son will come home and they’ll have flashcards for vocabulary and he’ll say, “Okay. Mom, I have to learn this.” And then I’ll look at it and one side says, “Am Seeufer,” which means, “On the lakeshore.” And then you flip it over and it’s, “au bord du lac,” which is same thing in French. And so my poor child has to learn French and German at the same time, right? I’m not a native speaker in either one of those. So I’m supposed to be the one to help him with his homework. And my husband has done over time with helping with homework because he’s much better at those things.

Yeah so that’s what we’ve been doing I took on a new role where I’m supporting an organization in their own global transformation, and really putting the project management on you, Natasha, so I could step back and do all these other things. So there’s been a lot going on in my world. And as I said, when all this was happening, I was up reading the Adapt and Succeed program. And there were times when I would watch a video and then I’d be like, “I’m not doing that. I’m not doing that thing,” right? Like best practices.

There was one video where you and I have talked about the difference between endurance and resilience. Are we in endurance mode? Meaning, are we going towards depletion? Or are we in resilience mode? Where we’re building up. And it was so important for me and I’m sharing this because for whatever transition our listeners are in, I think it’s important to pause and go, “How is it going, really?” And am I doing, I want to say best practices, I don’t want people to think you always have to do best practices. But am I doing the things or at least one or two of the things that are truly supportive for me right now? And I think that it’s such a simple question but I think it’s so important because I don’t know about you, but you’re so overtaken by all of the things. What were you doing? One day you and I were on the phone. You were working, you had nothing in the back wall because all the art had been taken down, your bags I think were packed, right? Like you basically were moving your apartment that day but you were working until 5:00 p.m. I was like, “Aren’t you flying out?” What? It was just full.

Do you remember that conversation?

Natasha: Yeah. I do. Literally everything was ready to go. And I was like, let’s just finish the day and then I’ll and then I’ll leave the country.

Sundae: Yeah, and so it’s checkpoints, are you taking checkpoints with yourself if you are kind of in this wild transition, whatever, kind of transition that might be, are you taking checkpoints for yourself? And that is why I was so grateful. I was grateful for both of us that we were doing that at the same time so that we, not intentionally, it was just from consuming that material, we were able to just sort of keep ourselves on track.

I have a couple more ideas on what I want to bring our listeners to before we into 2023 but quick as a side note, I want to let people know because of this transition I’ve been making, I have Adapt and Succeed and that is the fastest most guaranteed and most affordable way to work with me right now is the through the digital program. And for those people who want one-to-one interaction with a coach and someone who gets it, that’s what the Global Coach Coalition is for because I’m working with a small, handful of private clients and my Global Coach Coalition group. And so if there’s more people that are asking to work with me, I do have that as an alternative. I just want to put that as a side note. I’ll make sure that we put in the show notes as well because what we’ve done is so cool. And thanks to you Natasha, you’ve helped me bring what was already working and all that content, really freshen it up and it’s beautiful, what you’ve created. So check it out in the show notes.

Natasha: Sundae, a quick shout-out to Pauline Alberts, who’s been my Adapt and Succeed facilitator through my transition. And she’s been so helpful with me traveling back home and transitioning back home. And along with the program, I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without her. So thank you so much for suggesting that I work with her and doing the program as well.

Sundae: She’s actually the one who nudged me to rebrand or up-brand Adapt and Succeed. As this has been going on for five years and yes my lipstick and hair is outdated but the content is super solid. And she actually really lovingly and openly just said, “Hey, we love your energy now and how you’re showing up now, is it now time to sort of reinvigorate what you’re doing and your ideas into a new version of it?” So also I’m so thankful that you brought her up. She was one of the catalysts there to do that as well.

All right, so let’s look ahead a little bit more to 2023 for everybody. I know the most recent podcast 297: Legacy by Design with Naomi Hattaway really made an impact on me, where this idea of legacy isn’t something that happens on accident, it’s something you can do with intention. So in that same spirit, I want us to think about just for 2023, what legacy do we want to leave behind? And I have this exercise that I also teach in my program, Global coach Coalition, where I talk about talking behind your back. So what do you want people to be saying behind your back at the end of this year?

And, for me, when I prepared for this, I wrote down, I want people to be saying that, “Sundae leads with integrity. That she walks the talk. And she’s fun to be around.” So those are the things that came up for me that I want people to be saying behind my back. What about you Natasha?

Natasha: I think personally; that, “Natasha exudes love and ease. Love and ease.”

Sundae: Beautiful who doesn’t need more ease right now.

Natasha: I still want to be very outgoing and that’s a part of my personality but definitely like initially to have more ease. And professionally, I think just a lot more growth and a lot more. Yeah, I think just a lot more growth, more just doing more. I just want to do more. “Natasha, she does a lot. She’s got a lot of skills in her repertoire. And she’s your go-to person for whatever you need.

Sundae: I’m already saying that behind your back, darlin’. I just said it in front of people, like that one is *tick* done. The one thing that I’ve been working on with you is and you tell me if this sounds familiar, “I trust your judgment.”

Natasha: Yes.

Sundae: “I trust your judgment. I trust your judgment.” There will be things that you might ask and I’m like, “Hey I trust your judgment. You got this.”

Natasha: I think that’s also part of having more self-compassion, is I need to, you’ve told me that and I need to trust myself. So I appreciate that and I appreciate you for trusting me. It’s definitely helping me trust myself more. So this role and working with you has really been such a growth spurt for me and I’m so grateful.

Sundae: I feel the same way, you know that. Don’t do this.

Natasha: I know, I’m gonna cry. I feel like this happens a lot. Okay, no tears today.

Sundae: You know, I don’t need to say it. And that’s what so cool I think about when you can show up fully as yourself and still professionally, right? There’s so much more that’s possible. And it’s been so fun to have you by my side to do that. So that is it, people are already saying that behind your back and I can confirm that for sure. So that’s the talk behind your back. So if you’re listening to this and you really want to be intentional in 2023 already, answer that. What do I want people to say behind my back? And then what will it take? How do you have to move forward to do that? And that is totally connected to your values. That if you know your values and then you make tough choices based on your values, then you will not regret anything.

The second thing I want to and this is when the last things I’ll leave you with is you might have listened to another podcast. The Pillow Test, Natasha might have to ask you to go find that episode afterwards, which one it was in. But the pillow test is when you put your head on the pillow at the end of the night, what is it that you say? What do you want to say that you’ve done? And I want you to think about your pillow test thoughts at the end of 2023. What do you want to be privately celebrating? And when I put myself to the pillow test about this year, I want to be saying; I’m proud of the results I created. I found a routine to stay strong and healthy. Aand I stayed connected with those who matter most.

So, I’m asking the listeners, I’ll give Natasha a few more seconds to think about her own answers because she doesn’t know what the questions are. What is it that you want to be saying at the end of 2023? You don’t have to tell anybody about it, just privately, how do you want to be celebrating? How you showed up for you in 2023? Anything that comes to mind for you Natasha,

Natasha: Recently one thing I’ve been living by I think with just how disjointed sort of all my plans ended up with with the transition and moving back is to, “Find laughter in the chaos.” So I’m I think I’m going to continue that and I want to continue laughing in the face of everything that doesn’t go my way, as well as ease but I think I think laughter is so important as well and just riding it and as it comes again. Yeah.

Sundae: “Laughter in the face of chaos.” Oh, that’s gorgeous. So good. So I’m going to ask you, what do you want to be saying by the end of this time next year? What has happened to bring you one step closer to that? I really hope that those of you who are listening, go to the transcript, print it out and scribble your notes on it, if you’re old school, like me. To really remind yourself how you want to be showing up and what you’re bringing from 2022, that wisdom that hard-earned experience that will help you get there.

So as you know part of the core principles that I have is about, how do you live your life without regrets? Not that we can get through life without regrets because we’re human. But how can you really show up with intention in a way that you feel in aligned with your integrity and proud of how you’re spending your precious time and energy. So Thank you all for been listening here. This has been so fun Natasha, I had no idea our conversation was gonna go so deep and in this direction, but it’s been beautiful. Yeah. Anything else that you want to share before we wrap up?

Natasha: I’m just grateful for you Sundae. Really. I don’t want tears, no more tears. But I’m really grateful for you. And having you in my life and working with you. I’ve learned so much about myself. And you’ve taught me so much. And this is an experience I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

Sundae: Same. Same. It’s mutual Natasha, you know me I’m like, Hotel California once when you’re in my life, you’re not going anywhere. Not going anywhere. In the best possible way. It’s not creepy.

Fun. So now you’ve seen who’s behind so much SundaeBean.com. The talent behind the beautiful design with the new program, Adapt and Succeed. There are more people on my team that helped make all of this happen. So Natasha is one of the amazing people that I work with. I’m excited to move into 2023 with you and Natasha, and with all of you who are listening. So, thank you so much. What’s next is the 300th episode of IN TRANSIT, it will be the sixth birthday of the podcast. And it will drop on my birthday. So lots of reasons to celebrate.


Thank you, Natasha, for being part of this journey, and thank you all who are here listening today. You’ve been listening to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’ll leave you with the words of the very wise Oprah Winfrey: “Cheers to a new year and another chance to get it right.”

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Hello, 2023! I have some big plans for you. After the past few years, you probably thought I’d tiptoe in like a mouse, but nah-ah; I’m coming in like a determined lion.

Sure, I’m looking at you with a glossy, future-oriented gaze, full of hope, enthusiasm, and fresh-slate thinking. But not so fast, because I need to properly bid adieu to 2022 first.

Dear, 2022… I thank you for pushing me to take huge risks; we did a lot of hard things together, didn’t we? And although we’re saying goodbye, I’m bringing your lessons with me, for I’m wiser and stronger because of them.

Welcome to our Reflections Bean Pod, and the first series of 2023! This week, I’m joined by my right-hand-woman, Natasha Nkonjera, for an episode that’s truly straight from the heart.

The owner of Fierce Collab, Natasha’s been my ride-or-die for years. Especially over these last few months, I don’t know how I could run SundaeBean.com without her masterful support. And as our chat will reveal, Natasha *also* experienced monumental transitions in 2022.

Today, Natasha and I reflect on our simultaneous moves out of South Africa. Together, unscripted and fully transparent, we both share the beautiful parts, the ugly bits, and IN TRANSIT support essentials.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

  • The nighttime scaries
  • Craving proximity to family
  • Victory in not letting your mind consume you
  • Finding laughter in the chaos
  • Bringing “home” with you

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

What hard stuff are you facing in 2023? Whatever it is, you’ll be ready. Meet the BRAND-NEW Adapt & Succeed = a one-of-a-kind program created to revolutionize the way individuals and organizations manage transitions.

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We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts!

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello, it is 4:00 am in New York, 11:00 am in Johannesburg, and 4:00 am in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.

What happens when a Swiss American meets a Malawian in South Africa? You know what happens? Magic. Today I am joined by my right-hand woman Natasha Nkonjera. She is my secret weapon at SundaeBean.com and the owner of Fierce Collab. She specializes in branding and project management. So, Natasha, thank you for joining me today. I’ll tell people more about how much preparation you’ve had for this podcast, but thank you for being here.

Natasha: Thank you, Sundae. Yay, I’m glad to be on the podcast.

Sundae: Okay, listen. So what just happened is I prepared the test everything was ready and then all of a sudden I was like, “You know what? This would be a lot more fun to do a Natasha.” So I literally sent her a request on my phone. So for those of you who are watching this podcast on the YouTube channel, I sent her an audio request and I was waiting patiently to see if she would be willing to do it and she agreed. So, no preparation, no script, no prompting. Natasha, thank you for joining me to kick off 2023 with our listeners. Those of you who are listening and now this is the first episode of 2023 and Natasha is such an integral part of my team. It just feels right for us to do this together because both of us have had transitions behind us in 2022. Obviously transition is ongoing. So 2023. I’ll say more about mine but Natasha why don’t you tell the listeners a little bit about the transition you’ve just been through.

Natasha: Yeah, so, again, thank you for having me, totally unscripted. But my most recent transition was moving back home to Malawi, from South Africa in August. Also happened very kind of out of the blue. I decided after the pandemic that I just wanted to be closer to family. And yeah, made the decision in April and decided to move back home in August. Repat. So yeah, it’s been a lot but it’s been great.

Sundae: What’s so interesting. So I knew I was transitioning end of June, you were transitioning end of August. So, both of us were like, in massive transition mode during this whole time. At the same time we were upgrading our program Adapt and Succeed, which is all about transition. So, we were really forced to, at least it for me, was an invitation to think about living the principles. Am I walking the talk? Because when I had to re-record the things or we looked at the material, some of the stuff were like best practices that I wasn’t doing at that moment. And I knew I needed to do it.

Natasha: Exactly.

Sundae: To support myself. I don’t know if you had that too while you were in transition.

Natasha: I did. So I did part of the Adapt and Succeed course while I was transitioning which actually helped me a lot and it helped me put everything in perspective and sort of dial everything down to like, “Okay, how am I actually going to reintegrated into my home country?” And yeah, if it wasn’t for the teachings in a Adapt and Succeed, I don’t think I would have been as level-headed as I was when it happened. I appreciate it.

Sundae: It was good timing. It was good timing to be doing the project. We can talk about more of that in a second but I would want to do is I want you as a listener to think about, often times at the beginning of a year people are focused on what’s new. You hear quotes like, “Starting a chapter of a new book and you can write the page,” and it’s very much future-oriented and fresh slate, which I love, right? And I also feel there’s a little bit of a missed opportunity to look back at the year that you just experienced to bring it with you into the new year. Because what we went through just now helps us make better choices for those pages that are to be written, right? So again, Natasha, you’re not prepped with this. So no stress or no pressure to have to come up with something innovative or brilliant but I’m going to share mine. I’ll share what I’m thinking and I’m curious what comes up for you.

One of the things I like to do when I transition between years, right now in the recording, it’s 22 to 23. I like to reflect on what am I thankful to my 2022 self. So if I look back, we’re recording this right before the new year, so I we’re still in it. And I think, well, the first instinct is like, “Wow, that was hard. I did a lot of hard things,” right? But then, if I go a little further, I ask myself, “What am I thankful for to my 2022 self?” And I am thankful for doing the hard things.

I also, like you. I wanted to be closer to our community in Switzerland. And I wanted my boys to be closer to the cultural context in Switzerland. And that comes with a huge expression of energy and risk. So I’m thankful to my 2022 self for taking risks for doing the right thing. Even if it was a hard thing. I mean, I’ve had hard conversations and the one word I wrote down or the one phrase when I was thinking about this was, “There are some leaps of faith that I took.” So I am thankful to my 2022 to self for that.

Natasha: I love that. I love that.

Sundae: What about you?

Natasha: I love that you said “risk” because I feel the same. I think risk was a big word with this transitioning back home. But, I think for me, initially, it was about love. I think, I just wanted to surround myself with love again. I was feeling really isolated and alone. Even though I have my friends and I’ve got some family in South Africa. I just don’t feel like I had enough time with my immediate family or surrounded myself with my immediate family, having lived in South Africa for so long. And I felt like this was it just felt like the right time to get back to love.

One quote that I’m sort of living by and I believe you mentioned this in one of your episodes. It comes from Brene Brown, and it’s sort of related to Maya Angelou, and it goes something like, “You belong everywhere and you belong nowhere.

And I think coming back “home,” I expected to feel at home with the location and being here and very often since I’ve been here, I haven’t felt like I’m home, And listening to that quote and reading that quote, made me realize that actually I’m here for love, but my home is actually within me and it’s not a place. It’s what I bring.

Sundae: And you know what’s so interesting? I was just having a conversation about this and we talked about the metaphor of landing somewhere, right? The choice that you made in your life, whether it’s a job or relocation or repatriating, or whatever. And this expression of empty shell came up. You get there and you want to feel whole. But there’s an empty shell. And then you’re faced with a decision of like, “Is this a choice. Is it going to always feel that way?” And when I heard that metaphor, I really it resonated in a sense of like, empty shell that I need to fill. And with a gentleness. Not explode with something but like gently fill that shell so it feels whole and maybe create reinforcement of the shell, so it’s not fragile.

You want to land somewhere? And boom. It’s full, right? But it’s actually like, “No, I land and it needs to come.” You need to build from within whether that’s like your own self-love and acceptance or community or connection or fulfillment or purpose or whatever, but that has to be filled gently. That’s so interesting.

Natasha: And it’s holistic, so filling in with all the different things that should fulfill you not just –

Sundae: And stable, stable over time. Instead of like, “I’m just going to do something really exotic that meets this need for adventure and then everything else goes away.” It’s like, no, we’re going to look bigger. So that’s really been interesting, I think. Because what do you do when you get to the destination, whatever that is like the job, the kid, the relocation, and then all of a sudden you’re like, “Nope, still empty shell.”

Natasha: Exactly. Exactly.

Sundae: What do you think you’re most proud of that you did in 2022?

Natasha: That’s a very good question, I think not letting my mind, consume me. I think I gained a better sense of control over my emotions and you always talk about resilience, and resilience over endurance. And I think with everything that has been thrown at me, I’ve managed to handle it by having it. There was many rate down many, many breakdowns, but I pulled myself out–

Sundae: They call that healing, it’s healing. And every time we say, “Break down,” let’s just say, “Healing.”

Natasha: Okay, there was a lot of healing involved in moving back. Plenty of healing and I’m pulling myself out of that. I did that with a lot more grace and a lot more self-compassion. I think self-compassion. That’s what I’m looking for. And I think I’m building that more and not beating myself up for some of the mistakes that I’ve made or some of the expectations that I had that didn’t come to fruition. And just riding the wave as we go.

I can’t control everything and I think I kept thinking that I’m in control over my transition and everything’s going to be great, according to this plan and when it didn’t, the healing started.

Sundae: Yeah. You have to when you’re in that space, you have to practice self-compassion. I’ve said this in other podcasts, I don’t even know like what is self-love, what is self-compassion? And I had always felt like, very, I don’t know, almost like a yoga mat, woo hoo language, I couldn’t identify with until I got to a place where I was like, “Oh no, I think I need to try that.” That would probably be a good thing to try.

Natasha: Yeah, that will help.

Sundae: So one thing that was interesting that you said about your thoughts, actually, I wrote down when I was preparing for this solo episode, I wrote down something about, “Not taking my exaggerated thoughts seriously.”

Natasha: Hmm.

Sundae: And so this idea of exaggerated thoughts, I’ve noticed I’m of an age where I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and when I’m awake, then I’ll notice thoughts will come in and I know they’re exaggerated. But I have a distance where I’m like, this is an exaggerated thought, but it’s still happening. And then what I’ll do is I’ll maybe like take a note, send myself a message. So in the morning when I’m actually back to my reality, I can look at that. And inevitably in the morning, I’m like, “Wow, did you see where your brain was going?” And one of my friends calls it, “The nighttime scaries.” Which she’s like, “Oh, Sundae, everybody has the nighttime scaries.” Any time we’re in transition we deal with uncertainty. How do we hold our uncomfortable thoughts which is trying to actually have control, which is trying to help us predict? And how do we just hold those with love and say, “Okay that may or may not be true but what can I do to stay grounded here?”

So I think that’s interesting I actually wrote it down and then I thought well maybe they won’t understand what I mean by that or I just didn’t think it was as relevant and I deleted it. But I think you said it in other words.

I want to invite the listeners to do that exercise. What are you thanking your 2022 self for? What comes up? What’s the first thing that you would say, “You know what, 2022 version of me deserves a thank you for…” What do you fill in the blank?

And now I think once you have that, I’d love to look at in what ways will your 2023 self be wiser. So when I answered that question for myself, I wrote two things down. I said; my 2023 self is wiser because she can hold discomfort in new ways, and she is building the ability to trust in creating what hasn’t yet been created. And let me explain that.

I think there is this, this might be my journey, it might be everybody’s journey. But there’s this thing where if you want to do something, you have a goal and you want to create it, it’s like, “Okay, go do the thing.” And here’s step one, two, three, four. Like if you want to go to university, you will finish your basic schooling, then you get good grades, and then you apply, and then you go to class and there’s like a path, right? But I think, honestly, all of us right now are in a space where because of what’s been going on globally, we’re just figuring this out. There’s new things that are coming up. We don’t know how to do this. In 2018 we knew but we don’t know anymore.

Natasha: Really, figure it out as we go.

Sundae: And I think for me it’s like this process of like I’ve been asked to do something and no one has done that, in this constellation, right? Maybe they’ve done similar things and similar places and spaces, but no one has done this with these people or in these circumstances. So trusting that I can create something meaningful even though it hasn’t been created before. I don’t know if that sounds too abstract, but that’s what I wrote down for me.

Natasha: That’s beautiful. That’s really beautiful. I love that

Sundae: What about you, your 2023 self? How will it be wiser?

Natasha: Hmm. I think I would like my 2023 self to trust in my ability more, my abilities more. And I think I don’t value myself. Well, I haven’t been valuing myself enough, I think I need to add more value and just my sense of self and trust that I am capable of more than I think I am.

Sundae: mmm-hmm.

Natasha: Yeah.

Sundae: That’s a pretty wise 2023 self. Yeah cell phone Chimes.That’s a lot of people. Yeah

Natasha: And just stop doubting. I think it’s imposter syndrome. Stop doubting, that I’m not good enough or I won’t be able to achieve it or I’m not worth whatever it is that comes along.

I think also just putting myself out there without the fear of judgment because people judge anyway, right? So just being more, “me.”

Sundae: Why is it so scary? I’ve said, this another podcast, why is it so scary to be yourself?

Natasha: I think it’s being vulnerable like, opening yourself up to vulnerability, and allowing people to judge you because it happens.

Sundae: Hmm.

Natasha: Yeah, confidence is hard. I think I’m learning a lot more from you to be just be confident, and I see it in you and I think I’m like absorbing, trying to absorb all that energy into myself.

Sundae: It’s good, it’s good. Well I see it in you too so I think I’m trying to pull that out of you too.

Natasha: With this, especially.

Sundae: You guys have no idea. Honestly, for those who are listening and watching, I was waiting to see how she would respond because I know this isn’t your jam. I’ve asked you to do public things before, when you said, “Yes let’s do it.” I was like that was a huge growth moment I think for you because I don’t think a year or two ago you would have said “yes.”

Natasha: No.

Sundae: And I’m just enjoying this conversation so much. So I’m so glad that you said “yes,” I hope that our listeners are enjoying it as well.

Natasha: I hope they are too. Thank you.

Sundae: Oh so good and you’re just so good at like getting to the heart of what’s real, right? And I think one of the things I’ve learned about why it’s hard to be yourself is, I think if I look at my own journey, years and years ago, it was like, “Well, what does society want from me?” Right? “You want me to be like that, okay? I can do that. You think I should be good at school. Okay, I’ll crush it.” Looking outward at who I should be. And with one of my clients, I call that, “Plugging into the others” You plug into society, you plug into your family, you plug into, who knows what, whatever relationships you have. And then you perform that identity for them, to be good.

And then this process of, “Wait a minute, what if I plugged into me? What if I allowed ‘me’ to come out.” And then it’s scary because I went through this process when I went from writing blogs to being on video. Because with a blog you could critique my English, you could critique my argumentation. But like I was pretty confident in my writing skills. So I was like you know, fair enough if there’s ways to improve, fine. Or you just don’t agree. But with video, I was terrified because I’m like, “What if you don’t like my voice? What if you think I’m annoying? What if?” You know. And then it’s like, “What if you don’t like me?

So, it was a fear of not my ideas being rejected. Me being rejected.

But why do I need other people’s approval of what already is? Sorry, this is what you get. My laugh, you either love it or hate it, but I can’t really change that. You know what I mean? So, I was afraid for people not to like me and for them not to judge me. Until I was like, you know what, I can’t mold myself into something that I’m not. And how arrogant is it to think that I could actually control how people feel or think about me? How arrogant and manipulative is even that concept?

Natasha: Right? Right. There’s that saying that, “Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business,” something like that.

Sundae: Exactly. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Byron Katie talks about that all the time and it’s really allowing yourself to let go, to surrender and to do that. And I have never shared this publicly but there are moments when and it feels vulnerable to say this, actually, but I’m going to say it anyway. I’ll be in a space of people and some of them, it could be that they know me quite well, or it could be that they’re just getting to know me. And then let’s say we’re at a table eating and then I will laugh. Or I’ll make some sort of cheeky comment. And it’s almost like it just flopped out of my mouth. And it’s then there’s like this– I’ve had a fear reaction where I’m like, *gasp* “Was that too much? Am I too much for them?”

Have you had that too?

Natasha: I have that all the time! Especially after having a social interaction with a group of people, especially people that don’t know. Because I feel like with my friends and family, they know who I am, they accept me for who I am. But if I’m just a group of people that I’ve just met and they don’t know my personality, the next day I wake up with anxiety. Like, “Oh, what did I do? Was that too much? And why did I say that?” So I totally get it. I totally get it.

Sundae: I feel that I’m a little bit, especially the Swiss context, I feel like I take up a little bit more space in terms of culturally what would typically be happening you know in a conversation or whatever, and then I questioned that. And it’s like, well I can be adaptive and read the room. But when I’m in an intimate, almost collegial friendship space. Why is it scary? If someone sees a glimpse of that. That’s important to think about.

Natasha: Thank you for saying that.

Sundae: This is so interesting. I had no idea our conversation was going to go this way. This is so fascinating. So for those who are listening, ask yourself in what ways will your 2023 self be wiser. I think it’s important. If you don’t know that answer, pause the podcast or the video or write it down and make some time for yourself later because that’s what you have the opportunity to bring into 2023. I know for me, I’m looking forward to holding that discomfort and create what hasn’t yet been created as I take steps forward.

So let’s look on. I wanted to give people a little glimpse, I’ve shared in bits what’s been going on with me and my transition. But I want to share a little bit about some of what I’ve been carrying. Now, in June, we left South Africa, went to the US for a month. I came to Switzerland in mid-July, and I spent time in a transitional apartment during a heat wave in Europe. But the windows were closed, I was recording this program Adapt and Succeed, sweating like crazy, putting powder on my face so it didn’t look sweaty on camera, and was doing that. Then we moved to our house, we got a house but it’s being renovated. So I literally moved to a construction zone, I would have like powder on my clothes when I would bring the kids to school or go to work.

And then my I put my kids into a new academic system, a local system, where they’re doing school in a new academic language. In fact, two languages. My son will come home and they’ll have flashcards for vocabulary and he’ll say, “Okay. Mom, I have to learn this.” And then I’ll look at it and one side says, “Am Seeufer,” which means, “On the lakeshore.” And then you flip it over and it’s, “au bord du lac,” which is same thing in French. And so my poor child has to learn French and German at the same time, right? I’m not a native speaker in either one of those. So I’m supposed to be the one to help him with his homework. And my husband has done over time with helping with homework because he’s much better at those things.

Yeah so that’s what we’ve been doing I took on a new role where I’m supporting an organization in their own global transformation, and really putting the project management on you, Natasha, so I could step back and do all these other things. So there’s been a lot going on in my world. And as I said, when all this was happening, I was up reading the Adapt and Succeed program. And there were times when I would watch a video and then I’d be like, “I’m not doing that. I’m not doing that thing,” right? Like best practices.

There was one video where you and I have talked about the difference between endurance and resilience. Are we in endurance mode? Meaning, are we going towards depletion? Or are we in resilience mode? Where we’re building up. And it was so important for me and I’m sharing this because for whatever transition our listeners are in, I think it’s important to pause and go, “How is it going, really?” And am I doing, I want to say best practices, I don’t want people to think you always have to do best practices. But am I doing the things or at least one or two of the things that are truly supportive for me right now? And I think that it’s such a simple question but I think it’s so important because I don’t know about you, but you’re so overtaken by all of the things. What were you doing? One day you and I were on the phone. You were working, you had nothing in the back wall because all the art had been taken down, your bags I think were packed, right? Like you basically were moving your apartment that day but you were working until 5:00 p.m. I was like, “Aren’t you flying out?” What? It was just full.

Do you remember that conversation?

Natasha: Yeah. I do. Literally everything was ready to go. And I was like, let’s just finish the day and then I’ll and then I’ll leave the country.

Sundae: Yeah, and so it’s checkpoints, are you taking checkpoints with yourself if you are kind of in this wild transition, whatever, kind of transition that might be, are you taking checkpoints for yourself? And that is why I was so grateful. I was grateful for both of us that we were doing that at the same time so that we, not intentionally, it was just from consuming that material, we were able to just sort of keep ourselves on track.

I have a couple more ideas on what I want to bring our listeners to before we into 2023 but quick as a side note, I want to let people know because of this transition I’ve been making, I have Adapt and Succeed and that is the fastest most guaranteed and most affordable way to work with me right now is the through the digital program. And for those people who want one-to-one interaction with a coach and someone who gets it, that’s what the Global Coach Coalition is for because I’m working with a small, handful of private clients and my Global Coach Coalition group. And so if there’s more people that are asking to work with me, I do have that as an alternative. I just want to put that as a side note. I’ll make sure that we put in the show notes as well because what we’ve done is so cool. And thanks to you Natasha, you’ve helped me bring what was already working and all that content, really freshen it up and it’s beautiful, what you’ve created. So check it out in the show notes.

Natasha: Sundae, a quick shout-out to Pauline Alberts, who’s been my Adapt and Succeed facilitator through my transition. And she’s been so helpful with me traveling back home and transitioning back home. And along with the program, I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without her. So thank you so much for suggesting that I work with her and doing the program as well.

Sundae: She’s actually the one who nudged me to rebrand or up-brand Adapt and Succeed. As this has been going on for five years and yes my lipstick and hair is outdated but the content is super solid. And she actually really lovingly and openly just said, “Hey, we love your energy now and how you’re showing up now, is it now time to sort of reinvigorate what you’re doing and your ideas into a new version of it?” So also I’m so thankful that you brought her up. She was one of the catalysts there to do that as well.

All right, so let’s look ahead a little bit more to 2023 for everybody. I know the most recent podcast 297: Legacy by Design with Naomi Hattaway really made an impact on me, where this idea of legacy isn’t something that happens on accident, it’s something you can do with intention. So in that same spirit, I want us to think about just for 2023, what legacy do we want to leave behind? And I have this exercise that I also teach in my program, Global coach Coalition, where I talk about talking behind your back. So what do you want people to be saying behind your back at the end of this year?

And, for me, when I prepared for this, I wrote down, I want people to be saying that, “Sundae leads with integrity. That she walks the talk. And she’s fun to be around.” So those are the things that came up for me that I want people to be saying behind my back. What about you Natasha?

Natasha: I think personally; that, “Natasha exudes love and ease. Love and ease.”

Sundae: Beautiful who doesn’t need more ease right now.

Natasha: I still want to be very outgoing and that’s a part of my personality but definitely like initially to have more ease. And professionally, I think just a lot more growth and a lot more. Yeah, I think just a lot more growth, more just doing more. I just want to do more. “Natasha, she does a lot. She’s got a lot of skills in her repertoire. And she’s your go-to person for whatever you need.

Sundae: I’m already saying that behind your back, darlin’. I just said it in front of people, like that one is *tick* done. The one thing that I’ve been working on with you is and you tell me if this sounds familiar, “I trust your judgment.”

Natasha: Yes.

Sundae: “I trust your judgment. I trust your judgment.” There will be things that you might ask and I’m like, “Hey I trust your judgment. You got this.”

Natasha: I think that’s also part of having more self-compassion, is I need to, you’ve told me that and I need to trust myself. So I appreciate that and I appreciate you for trusting me. It’s definitely helping me trust myself more. So this role and working with you has really been such a growth spurt for me and I’m so grateful.

Sundae: I feel the same way, you know that. Don’t do this.

Natasha: I know, I’m gonna cry. I feel like this happens a lot. Okay, no tears today.

Sundae: You know, I don’t need to say it. And that’s what so cool I think about when you can show up fully as yourself and still professionally, right? There’s so much more that’s possible. And it’s been so fun to have you by my side to do that. So that is it, people are already saying that behind your back and I can confirm that for sure. So that’s the talk behind your back. So if you’re listening to this and you really want to be intentional in 2023 already, answer that. What do I want people to say behind my back? And then what will it take? How do you have to move forward to do that? And that is totally connected to your values. That if you know your values and then you make tough choices based on your values, then you will not regret anything.

The second thing I want to and this is when the last things I’ll leave you with is you might have listened to another podcast. The Pillow Test, Natasha might have to ask you to go find that episode afterwards, which one it was in. But the pillow test is when you put your head on the pillow at the end of the night, what is it that you say? What do you want to say that you’ve done? And I want you to think about your pillow test thoughts at the end of 2023. What do you want to be privately celebrating? And when I put myself to the pillow test about this year, I want to be saying; I’m proud of the results I created. I found a routine to stay strong and healthy. Aand I stayed connected with those who matter most.

So, I’m asking the listeners, I’ll give Natasha a few more seconds to think about her own answers because she doesn’t know what the questions are. What is it that you want to be saying at the end of 2023? You don’t have to tell anybody about it, just privately, how do you want to be celebrating? How you showed up for you in 2023? Anything that comes to mind for you Natasha,

Natasha: Recently one thing I’ve been living by I think with just how disjointed sort of all my plans ended up with with the transition and moving back is to, “Find laughter in the chaos.” So I’m I think I’m going to continue that and I want to continue laughing in the face of everything that doesn’t go my way, as well as ease but I think I think laughter is so important as well and just riding it and as it comes again. Yeah.

Sundae: “Laughter in the face of chaos.” Oh, that’s gorgeous. So good. So I’m going to ask you, what do you want to be saying by the end of this time next year? What has happened to bring you one step closer to that? I really hope that those of you who are listening, go to the transcript, print it out and scribble your notes on it, if you’re old school, like me. To really remind yourself how you want to be showing up and what you’re bringing from 2022, that wisdom that hard-earned experience that will help you get there.

So as you know part of the core principles that I have is about, how do you live your life without regrets? Not that we can get through life without regrets because we’re human. But how can you really show up with intention in a way that you feel in aligned with your integrity and proud of how you’re spending your precious time and energy. So Thank you all for been listening here. This has been so fun Natasha, I had no idea our conversation was gonna go so deep and in this direction, but it’s been beautiful. Yeah. Anything else that you want to share before we wrap up?

Natasha: I’m just grateful for you Sundae. Really. I don’t want tears, no more tears. But I’m really grateful for you. And having you in my life and working with you. I’ve learned so much about myself. And you’ve taught me so much. And this is an experience I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

Sundae: Same. Same. It’s mutual Natasha, you know me I’m like, Hotel California once when you’re in my life, you’re not going anywhere. Not going anywhere. In the best possible way. It’s not creepy.

Fun. So now you’ve seen who’s behind so much SundaeBean.com. The talent behind the beautiful design with the new program, Adapt and Succeed. There are more people on my team that helped make all of this happen. So Natasha is one of the amazing people that I work with. I’m excited to move into 2023 with you and Natasha, and with all of you who are listening. So, thank you so much. What’s next is the 300th episode of IN TRANSIT, it will be the sixth birthday of the podcast. And it will drop on my birthday. So lots of reasons to celebrate.


Thank you, Natasha, for being part of this journey, and thank you all who are here listening today. You’ve been listening to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’ll leave you with the words of the very wise Oprah Winfrey: “Cheers to a new year and another chance to get it right.”

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The post 299: Transition Essentials with Natasha Nkonjera appeared first on Sundae Schneider-Bean, LLC..

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