Communication, Conflict Resolution, Conflict Coaching, Conferences, Conversation, Complaints, Community, Creativity...And Other Stuff..including many other topics that arise from the world of Mediation and Conflict Resolution Support. Alan Sharland is Director of CAOS Conflict Management in London, UK. He has been a Mediator since 1994 and now also trains Mediators and Conflict Coaches in skills that help people respond creatively to their unresolved conflicts - in the community, the family, ...
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Why 'Bystander Effect' doesn't apply in workplace bullying allegations!
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In this video and podcast, Alan discusses how reference to the 'bystander effect' doesn't apply to bullying allegations because bullying is a subjective experience, seen by 'bystanders' in different ways, without necessarily seeing a clear 'perpetrator/victim' interaction, unlike for the usual application of the idea for crimes and other more clear…
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Is your Support Service REALLY 'Client-led' - Or Is It ACTUALLY System-led and/or Practitioner-led?
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In this video and podcast Alan comments on the prevalence of many support services that are described as 'client-led' or 'person-centred' but in practice are not. Often the priority focus is on fulfilling system outcome targets or practitioner agendas or both and the client's experience of the process is secondary. One of the ways this is de-priori…
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Mediators Discuss Psychological Safety at Work: Effective conflict resolution for psychological safety at work
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In this podcast I am joined again by Melloney Guiver, The HR Lawyer, to discuss psychological safety at work, in particular the many crossovers between the 'ethos' of some approaches to mediation and the themes and intentions of promoting psychological safety at work, as particularly highlighted by the work of Amy Edmondson and Timothy Clarke. If y…
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What IS Effective Active Listening? Effective Active Listening for conflict resolution, mental health challenges and for psychological safety at work.
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WHAT IS EFFECTIVE ACTIVE LISTENING? How to practise effective active listening. This podcast explores the importance and application of EAL in 3 main areas: 1. Effective Active Listening for supporting conflict resolution 2. Effective Active Listening for supporting people with mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and other challen…
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Why Psychological Safety Requires an ‘Adult-Adult’ Approach and not ‘Parent-Child’
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Why psychological safety requires an ‘adult-adult’ approach and not ‘parent-child’. In this video and podcast, Alan discusses the risks to an environment of psychological safety at work when the approach taken is a 'parent-child' one. He outlines features of commentaries that he has come across that can imply people at work start with a 'blank slat…
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Listening Skills to Support People with Mental Health Challenges. Are You Witnessing or Assessing?
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Listening Skills to Support People with Mental Health Challenges. Are You Witnessing or Assessing? In this video and podcast Alan talks about the distinction between listening to people who feel vulnerable in order to 'witness' their personal difficulties, possibly mental health challenges, and listening in order to 'assess' them for some further a…
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How Mediation Skills Promote Psychological Safety at Work – Personal Challenges for Leaders
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How Mediation Skills Promote Psychological Safety at Work – Personal Challenges for Leaders In this video and podcast Alan outlines two main characterisations of 'psychological safety' by pioneers in the field - Amy Edmondson and Timothy Clark. He then goes on to outline how the mediation skills and practices and 'ethos' would seem to be strongly a…
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Exploring the 3 ways to Create Psychological Safety at Work – the Role of the Leader
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Exploring the 3 ways to Create Psychological Safety at Work – the Role of the Leader This video and podcast is another in the journey of exploring the concept and implementation of supporting 'psychological safety at work'. I have based the exploration on Amy Edmondson's description of the 3 main ways in which this can be possible in organisations …
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Psychological Safety at Work sounds a GREAT idea! BUT! Some Questions for Amy Edmondson + others
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Psychological Safety at Work sounds a GREAT idea! BUT! Some Questions for Amy Edmondson + others... Psychological Safety at Work is a concept developed by Amy Edmondson Novartis Professor of Leadership and Management at Harvard Business School. Many of the practices that she says will support the development of a sense of Psychological Safety at wo…
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Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours: Podcast 3: It’s long term and entrenched
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Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours: Podcast 3: It’s long term and entrenched In this video and podcast Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a…
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Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 2: It's now a complaint
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How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 2: It's now a complaint In this video and podcast Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in L…
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Mediator/Conflict coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 1: The Early Stages
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How to resolve disputes with neighbours. Podcast 1: The Early Stages In this video and podcast, Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in Londo…
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WHY ‘I'M RIGHT - YOU'RE WRONG’ prevents debate on important issues from moving on effectively
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This video and podcast identifies how to move forward in debates that have become, or are at risk of becoming a stuck discussion. "WHY ‘I'M RIGHT - YOU'RE WRONG’ prevents debate on important issues from moving on effectively" looks at the effect of using demonising 'labels' to describe people who we disagree with and how they represent the 'competi…
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Mediators discuss: Supporting Homelessness Prevention Through Mediation - A discussion with Hannah Fox - Mediator at The Bridge in Leicestershire
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In this video and podcast Alan has a discussion with Hannah Fox about the use of mediation in supporting homelessness prevention for young people at risk of having to leave their family home. Hannah Fox is a Psychology graduate who has spent the last 7 years working with young adults in a variety of settings, including residential care homes, schoo…
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Mediators discuss ....Conflict Resolution in Workplaces - A discussion with Melloney Guiver - The HR Lawyer
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In this first video and podcast in our series 'Mediators discuss....' Alan has a conversation with Melloney Guiver - The HR Lawyer - about our respective experiences of working in the area of conflict resolution in workplaces. Melloney’s work has led her to conclude that the ‘old ways’ of managing employment issues through progressive disciplinary …
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How to RESOLVE workplace bullying allegations. Letting go of the 'Prove + Punish' approach that doesn't work.
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25:09
How to resolve workplace bullying allegations rather than pursue a ‘prove and punish’ approach that rarely if ever works but which leads to a 'circle of blame' where everyone involved is left dissatisfied - the person who feels bullied, the person accused of bullying and those tasked with managing the bullying allegation. In this podcast Alan makes…
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Do you really 'EMPOWER' people? Can't people only ever empower themselves? What does 'CLIENT-LED' actually mean?
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Many organisations claim that they 'empower' people and use a client-led or person-centred approach in the service or process they offer. But in this podcast Alan is asking viewers who provide such services 'Do you really empower people?' and 'What does client-led or 'person-centred' mean - for you?' To suggest that I, or we 'empower people' is int…
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'Adult-Adult' and 'Parent'-Child Relationship Dynamics in Conflict Resolution. What type is yours?
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This podcast, also available as a youtube video ( https://youtu.be/DbmSn5vSalw ) explores the metaphor of 'adult-adult' and 'parent-child' relationships as they relate to effective relationships and ineffective, co-dependent relationships. Any effective relationship will spent time in a 'parent-child' dynamic occasionally but predominantly remain i…
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It Doesn't Matter If We DON'T AGREE! What Matters is HOW WE DISAGREE!
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In this podcast Alan discusses the perceived need for 'agreement' in order to move forward in many difficult situations. Very often this can be the cause of not moving forward in such situations because an obsession with and sense of dependency on 'the other person(s)' agreement being necessary. In many situations this is not essential for moving f…
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ANGER Is A Natural Source of Energy for Useful Change! This Podcast Addresses How to use Anger Constructively, not Destructively!
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This podcast explores and distinguishes between what helps anger to be acknowledged and then used constructively to create useful change and what prevents that possibility when it is used destructively towards vandalism, abuse and violence. It leads to 6 main points about how to use our anger constructively rather than be ‘taken over’ by it and mis…
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HOW OUR LANGUAGE CAN ENTRENCH US in a VICTIMHOOD MINDSET or it can HELP US TO RELEASE OURSELVES FROM IT!
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In this podcast, Alan explores the ways in which a 'victimhood mindset' can become established within us if we don't stop to consider how we speak about our difficult situations. It will often be that simple changes in how we say things....developing more 'mindful communication'....will help us to review how we are seeing our difficult situations a…
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WHY MOST WORKPLACE BULLYING + HARASSMENT POLICIES DON'T WORK + HOW THEY COULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE!
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In this podcast, also available as a video on youtube, Alan outlines what he sees as the 6 main flaws that occur in most 'bullying and harassment' policies which lead to inevitable frustration and ineffectiveness as a response to bullying and also in some cases to harassment. He then goes on to detail the reasons why these are significant flaws and…
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The Illusion of Bullying, The Reality of Harassment
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In this podcast, Alan talks about the 'illusion' of bullying where a common difficulty for people having difficult relationship challenges at work is that if they wish to prove it is bullying it "...is like a ghost, we may think we have seen it, but if we try to pin it down in order to prove it exists we find ourselves clutching at thin air." Inves…
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Avoid 'negative people' or 'energy vampires' and become agoraphobic and powerless instead!
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24:43
There are many social media posts that advocate 'staying away from negative people' as a way of living life to the full and to achieve 'happiness'. In this video and podcast Alan talks about the many downsides to this approach to life that are not often considered in such suggestions, initially that simply to see someone as 'negative' is in itself …
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Why Conflict Resolution Does Not Need AGREEMENT - But it may be a side effect...
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33:23
In this podcast Alan discusses a frequent misperception that conflict resolution has to involve agreement when there are various situations he has seen through his work as a mediator and conflict coach, and in life outside of those processes, where conflict has been resolved without any need for agreement. It is possible to resolve conflict through…
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Using Mediation in Complaints - NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student Complaints and others
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In this podcast Alan discusses the use of mediation in a range of different areas of complaints. He focuses on the 3 types of complaint he has provided mediation in as well as more general considerations about complaints systems and the ways in which mediation can be useful in helping to resolve complaints where the normal procedures have not prove…
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It's Not You It's Me!...No Actually it IS YOU! ....But Really.....It Just Is!
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25:07
This podcast looks at the journey that can happen in any relationship, whether personal or at work where a difficult feeling or experience starts to occur and we look to allocate 'cause' or 'blame' for it. At first our impulse may be to look to ourselves with negative judgements and criticisms but in many ways that makes it even more likely that wh…
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HOW TO HAVE USEFUL, PRODUCTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH SOMEONE YOU DISLIKE, DESPISE OR EVEN HATE!
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In this podcast, Alan discusses the common ways in which difficult discussions become unproductive and repetitive and, in contrast, how those discussions can become productive and useful if we are aware of the pitfalls of using personal labels within our own contribution to the communication. When we can see how to take more control of our part in …
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How Universities Make Use of Mediation and Conflict Coaching
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20:31
In this podcast, Alan describes some of the many ways in which university communities make use of mediation, conflict coaching and other conflict resolution support processes. Alan has worked with universities since 2007, starting with student complaints mediation and since then moving on to various other areas of disputes within universities inclu…
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CREATIVITY FROM CONFLICT: BEING AT EASE IN CONFLICT SITUATIONS
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As we go into a new decade with much division and disagreement from the last few years, what can we understand about conflict? How can we become at ease with conflict and see it as an opportunity for learning, change and growth? In this video and podcast Alan looks at some positive potential consequences of engaging with conflict if we can be more …
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Contemplations on Conflict: Byron Katie - The 4 Questions and Turnaround of The Work
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29:25
CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings or approaches he 'contemplates', please share them i…
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THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS 'BODY LANGUAGE'. Why The Idea it Exists Obstructs Effective Communication!
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17:05
There are many suggestions in books and videos that ‘body language’ exists, but in many ways it is a ‘fantasy idea’ that means we think we know what other people are thinking and feeling - and so we don’t have to take the risk of asking them! Unfortunately it is usually used to ‘confirm’ our negative beliefs about people and this makes sense when y…
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The Personal Challenges of Being a Mediator and their Potential Impact on the Mediation Process
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46:03
In this video and podcast Alan looks at the personal challenges that arise from being a mediator and whether the mediator's approach to these challenges is to default to a 'fixing' approach to the dispute between participants or whether they can stick to the discipline of the process and continue to provide a creative space in which participants ca…
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A GUIDED MEDITATION AND VISUALISATION TO HELP YOU USE YOUR ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY
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This is a Guided Meditation and Visualisation that helps you use your anger constructively. We can sometimes express our anger destructively through abuse, criticism or even violence. This is more likely to happen when we direct our anger towards trying to control things we can't control. This visualisation and meditation will help you use your ang…
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GROUP MEDIATIONS FOR TEAM CONFLICT - WHAT HAPPENS, HOW THEY WORK...
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32:34
In this podcast Alan describes what happens when he provides mediation for groups, the approach he takes, common experiences, why group mediations have the potential for more movement and creativity than 2-person mediations. He also discusses common misconceptions about what might happen in a group mediation and why the issues over which the mediat…
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ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION (ADR) - in what way is it 'ALTERNATIVE'? The unique approach of MEDIATION!
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In this podcast Alan scans through some of the processes that come under the heading of 'alternative dispute resolution' (ADR) and looks further into why mediation is a unique alternative within that category of processes because it is a non-adversarial process. This makes it particularly suitable for some types of dispute while adversarial process…
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What is 'impasse' in mediation? Does it exist? A Podcast for mediation practitioners and interested others....
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Mediator-diagnosed impasse: If impasse is assumed by the mediator(s) to be present when not actually stated by the participants this can be based on an expectation or ‘requirement’ of participants to ‘perform’ in a preconceived manner for the benefit of the mediator(s). (Are they smiling, have they come to ‘agreement’, have they made an action plan…
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WHY MEDIATION IS VOLUNTARY AND COMPULSORY MEDIATION WOULD BE INEFFECTIVE!
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23:12
Mediation is a voluntary process. Its effectiveness comes from the fact that participants are present with an intention of trying to create a different way forward in their situation. They are not present because they 'have to be'. This is crucial to any outcomes being both appropriate and sustainable because the participants will create what works…
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HOW WE MAKE OURSELVES POWERLESS AND STUCK IN CONFLICT AND WHAT WE CAN DO TO CHANGE!
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24:51
In this podcast Alan talks about the ways in which we can convince ourselves we are powerless and stuck in conflicts we are involved in by focusing on the things we can't control and overlooking what we can. We will often use 'personal' comments towards people and critical labels about their ideas and actions which means we make it more likely they…
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IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION? DO YOU REALLY WANT AN APOLOGY? Do you risk remaining stuck while you wait for one?
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In this podcast, which is the audiofile of the YouTube video of the same name, Alan asks some questions in relation to having an apology in a difficult situation or for a past experience. What does it mean to you to have one? Do you 'demand' one? What if you don't get it? What if you do? How real and genuine does it feel if you had to demand it? Al…
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WHY BULLYING INVESTIGATIONS DON'T WORK! Using the 'ACAS Guide to Bullying + Harassment' to explain why not!
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Using the ACAS Guide to bullying and harassment at work, this podcast, which is the audio file from a YouTube video of a similar title looks at the reasons why investigations into bullying allegations will almost always fail to reach a conclusion (less than 1%) and so all involved will feel let down, frustrated and even resentful, often leading to …
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Contemplations on Conflict 4 - Eckhart Tolle - ON A DEEPLY UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL, YOU DO NOT WANT POSITIVE CHANGE
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"Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon. It is also insane." Eck…
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A Guided Meditation and Visualisation to Help You Resolve Any Conflict in Your Life!
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This is a Guided Visualisation to help you respond more effectively to conflict. It starts by asking you to reflect on the ways in which you are presently responding to your unresolved conflict and goes on to help you create new, self-supporting, effective ways of responding to the conflict. Listen through to the end, or take a break and pause the …
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RESCUER SYNDROME - HOW TO RECOGNISE THE SIGNS, to 'OWN' YOUR RESCUE FANTASIES - AND LET THEM GO!
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We can all get drawn into trying to 'fix' people who have a difficulty of some kind. The problem with rescuing people in this way is that we do it out of an assumption that they are not capable of fixing things for themselves and so we try to 'take over' the problem for them and give them our fix. There are many unfortunate consequences of doing th…
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Contemplations on Conflict 3: "The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory but progress" - Joseph Joubert
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25:26
"The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory but progress." Joseph Joubert CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you hav…
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Contemplations on Conflict 2: "Conflict is the beginning of consciousness." - Mary Esther Harding
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24:29
CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments…
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Contemplations on Conflict 1 : "The Conflict Between Right and Wrong is the Sickness of the Mind"
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32:22
CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them. In this podcas…
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What is Conflict Coaching? What does the Coach do and what is the CAOS Model?
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24:16
In Podcast 3, Alan Sharland describes what is involved in Conflict Coaching. What the Coach does, what clients come to discuss, how the process supports them in creating a better way forward in their difficult situation. Alan also discusses the 5-day course which Conflict Coaches attend in order to become a CAOS-trained Conflict Coach. Further deta…
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What is Mediation? What does a Mediator DO?
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40:23
In Episode 2 from CAOS, Host Alan Sharland, Director of CAOS Conflict Management in London UK talks about what happens in a mediation, how it is designed as a process to help people create a better way forward in their difficult situation, whether that be a neighbour dispute, workplace dispute, family conflict, group dispute, complaints situation o…
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Welcome to CAOS - A Podcast about Communication and Conflict......And Other Stuff!
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The very first episode of CAOS! This episode gives an introduction to the aims and intentions for the podcast, to the host Alan Sharland and to mediation and conflict coaching as processes that support the resolution of conflict. After that's done we'll look at the first topic.....What is Conflict? We'll look at the more common associations with co…
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