Overcoming Sexual Entanglements

Woodland Hills Church of Christ

Overcoming Emotional and Sexual Entanglements

Introduction: This lesson is a followup to our Wednesday evening study on the sins of David and Amnon in 2 Samuel. Sexual sins and idolatry, which is usually a companion to sexual sins, are the most talked about and warned against sins in scripture.

1. The Danger of Emotional and Sexual Entanglements
   1. Proverbs 2:16-19 “…none who go into her come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.”
   2. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
      1. The Corinthians argument: food for the stomach and the stomach for food – and the same is true with the body and sexual immorality.
      2. Paul’s argument is, no, not only is the body for the Lord, but something entirely different happens in sexual immorality as opposed to just eating food.
      3. First, your body is a member of Christ and you cannot take a member of Christ and connect it to a prostitute (immoral woman/man).
      4. Second, in joining with a prostitute, a person becomes “one flesh” with her. That is not saying they are married, but that “joining” with her is more than just a physical or biological incident. There are strong mental connections being made and it is a violation of oneness with the Lord. In other words, even if a person didn’t have a wife, this is still adultery against the Lord.
      5. Third, this sin is unique in that it is a sin against one’s own body. In other words, one’s body is violated. There are mental and physiological changes that take place that are very damaging and unlike other sins.
      6. Fourth, sexual immorality in any form does not glorify God and our bodies are to be used only to glorify God.
2. Building a Wall or Always Vulnerable?
   1. When you are most vulnerable: God and his word are not your number 1 love.
      1. The key to overcoming any sin and lust is finding that what God has to offer tastes so much better and is so much more fulfilling. Whether you are single or married, this is the key!
      2. Ephesians 3:16-19 “…that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” When knowing God is not what “lights your eyes” and “fills your emptiness,” you are vulnerable to all types of sin, especially sexual sins. Why sexual sins? Because through those sins Satan promises to provide intimacy that satisfies desires to be loved and needed.
   2. If you are married, the second most powerful defense against “wandering eyes,” lustful thoughts and desires, and acting out immorally, is a passionate marriage. Maintaining a strong romantic relationship means dedicating 15 hours a week in time alone with each other. Couples who disregard this rule lose that “loving feeling” and develop destructive marital habits.
   3. The above two principles keeps our passions directed on a godly path and does more to insulate us and enable us to overcome lustful temptations. These are the weapons God has given us to conquer! Just telling yourself that “I’d never do such a thing,” is naive! If King David did it, a man after God’s own heart, any of us can under the right circumstances.
   4. One more defense: giving in to sexual sin, whether through pornography or otherwise, will not “satisfy” desires, it will feed and multiply the desires.
3. The Road to Immorality Is a Process
   1. When we Christians discuss sexual immorality, we tend to think of outsiders, people who do not live by a strong faith in God and following the whims of their consciences. Again, that is naive thinking. Just like it was naive for Peter to think he would never deny the Lord, so it is for any of us to think we would never commit this sin regardless of whether you are a preaching, elder, or committed Christian.
   2. Consider a few principles:
      1. People do not lead moral lives one day and have an affair the next. Though it may appear that way, it is actually a process that goes through stages that are not always obvious, which makes it seem like “it was just a one-night stand” or brief misstep. Impossible, impossible!
      2. For example, it is fair to ask, “What was going on in David’s life that led up to him committing adultery with Bathsheba?”
      3. The first thing that comes to mind is, why was he “collecting wives?” What is going on in his mind that causes him to not be satisfied with one woman? It may be difficult to get an exact count, but he collected over twenty wives and concubines.
      4. Second, as has often been noted, David did not go out to battle as was common for kings to do. But what should we learn about David from that? I would suggest he has become restless and bored. He has had success after success after success. Instead of staying the course and finding his fulfillment in God or calling one of his wives to be with him, he falls into a moment of weakness in which he is looking for something new to bring fulfillment to his life. And when that happens, Satan is glad to provide and answer!
4. The Process
   1. Those “innocent” thoughts:
      1. Ephesians 4:17–24 alludes to what is going on in our minds at least 10 times.
      2. Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…”
      3. Satan quickly and easily borrows illicit thoughts and sins we have committed in the past to incorporate them into a present temptation. They begin without sensing much danger. Our minds can tend to ask questions about couples we see or know. A woman can think, “I wonder what it would be like to be married to him? His wife is so lucky.” Or a man can think, “She is just so beautiful and so nice. It would be amazing to be married to her.”
      4. Whether daydreaming about someone we have no right to or seeing it played out in movies, these thoughts generate pathways in our minds so that Satan has an advantage and puts us in a situation where there is opportunity.
   2. Emotional involvement
      1. A person who is naive or immature can mistakenly feel “safe” as long as nothing physical is going on. But that misses the point that something sexual is going on long before anything physical is happening. Therefore, opposite sexes must adhere to certain restrictions:
      2. Behave in such a way that if you must at times be alone with the opposite sex, maintain a “professional distance” and always be aware of any “vibe” that is going on between you.
      3. Do not have long conversations, especially on a regular basis, other than what is necessary.
      4. Never have conversations about intimate matters.
      5. Never become a “counselor” to a married person of the opposite sex.
      6. Never complain about your spouse to the opposite sex.
      7. Complimenting the opposite sex must be restricted to hair or clothing, but never on how physically good looking they are.
      8. If you feel “electricity” with the opposite sex, never express it. Instead, keep your distance. Flee; runaway.
      9. Never be flirty or tease in a sensual way.
      10. Never think you can be “close friends” of the opposite sex.
      11. If you grow close emotionally with the opposite sex, the next step becomes easy – an “innocent” kiss or hug can become deadly.
   3. An Innocent Kiss Becomes Deadly
      1. “Oh, we just got a little carried away. It will never happen again,” each person says to themselves. “Sorry, that was stupid,” one of them embarrassingly comments. But the line has been crossed, and it does happen again, and again.
      2. Then come the lies and the coverup. Soon there are planned meetings and rationalizations about how each other spouse is not providing what each needs in a relationship.
   4. The only way out!
      1. These two should have never gotten this far, but they ignored the little warnings in the back of their head because it felt so good to be around someone who was so caring and attentive.
      2. Couples who get this far often think they can “backtrack” by stopping the physical relationship and going back to just friends. Impossible. The friendship has been ruined. The only course to take now is complete separation. There can never again being any more contact. If it means quitting your job, moving out of state, or moving to a different church. No more phone calls; no more anything! Distance and repentance is the only solution. Oh but that is so difficult for a couple who has gone this far.

Conclusion: Do not be deceived about how deep into corruption a person’s mind has gone when he or she commits this sin!

• A person who has an affair takes a magic carpet ride that is different than anything he or she has ever experienced. Proverbs 9:27 “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant. But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.”
• This leads to a period of “ambivalence,” where he or she does not want to give up their spouse because of the consequences of losing their whole family, but neither do they want to give up the super-charged pleasure they have enjoyed with the illicit affair.
• Even if the person completely repents, there is a long period time that goes by before they are able to rid themselves of the thoughts and desires of what they had.
• And if a person who is caught in such a relationship responds with, “I’m sorry, I just got caught up in the moment. I’m really sorry. Now can we put this behind us and get on with our marriage?” That person is deceived and has not understood the gravity of his or her sin. That is a King Saul repentance.

Berry Kercheville

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