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Wisdom of the Wounded
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Indhold leveret af Wisdom of the Wounded. Alt podcastindhold inklusive episoder, grafik og podcastbeskrivelser uploades og leveres direkte af Wisdom of the Wounded eller deres podcastplatformspartner. Hvis du mener, at nogen bruger dit ophavsretligt beskyttede værk uden din tilladelse, kan du følge processen beskrevet her https://da.player.fm/legal.
Caregiver support, sharing information and help when caring for someone suffering a life crisis - grief, illness, loss, relationship, death, old age, etc.
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54 episoder
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Manage series 1231282
Indhold leveret af Wisdom of the Wounded. Alt podcastindhold inklusive episoder, grafik og podcastbeskrivelser uploades og leveres direkte af Wisdom of the Wounded eller deres podcastplatformspartner. Hvis du mener, at nogen bruger dit ophavsretligt beskyttede værk uden din tilladelse, kan du følge processen beskrevet her https://da.player.fm/legal.
Caregiver support, sharing information and help when caring for someone suffering a life crisis - grief, illness, loss, relationship, death, old age, etc.
…
continue reading
54 episoder
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×Just Hel p is the title of a children’s book written by one of our Supreme Court justices, Sonia Sotomayor. Although it’s a kid’s book, its message is for all ages. As we approach a new year, Just Help’s message challenges us all to daily find ways to answer the central question of the book: “What will you do today to make the world a better place?” When she was a girl, each day when Sonia woke up, her mother asked her a question, “How will you help today to make the world a better place?” Then each morning, Sonia set about to have a good answer to her mother’s question. Via charming pictures and text, Sonia and her friends discover ways to make their neighborhood, city and the wider world a better place. Building a better world is a big project, one that takes a lot of work, and is not always easy, but it begins with a simple question: “How will I help today?” Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor, of the US Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor challenges us: What will you do today to make the world a better place? What a great question to ask ourselves each day of the new year. Each of us has the power to make a positive difference in our city, community and the world. Use your power. Here are just a few ideas to start your quest for making our world a happier, healthier, and more peaceful world for all people: • Make cookies for a new neighbor or for a lonely person • Write a note or make a phone call to connect with someone who is going through a difficult time • Offer to run errands for a person who cannot get out • Shovel someone’s sidewalk or driveway. • Work in the coffee or gift shops at your local hospital • Read to children at a preschool • Decorate lunch bags for organizations such as Kids’ Food Basket How will you help today to make the world a better place? The post Just Help appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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Do you know an elderly relative or friend and wonder what to give them for Christmas? Here are some holiday gift ideas that are sure to show you care. Elderly people feel the cold more, so a cozy lap blanket, afghan, bed jacket, or a “wearable blanket” like a Snuggie or Comfy would be a good gift. Offer to come by and decorate the Christmas tree. Bring some goodies and Christmas music and make it a party. Buy them a new board game or a holiday-themed jigsaw puzzle and a promise to come by and play with them. Be sure to follow through on the promise. A fruit or flower/plant-of-the-month would give the person something to look forward to each month. Ask them what their favorite songs/music genre is; then curate a list for them on a music streaming service (Spotify/Pandora) and show them how to download the app and listen Watch a holiday-themed movie with them; reminisce about favorite holiday traditions from their childhood Or how about a gift that gives all year long? What if you made a promise to visit your elderly loved one each month? That’s what my son Jeff did for my mother. Jeff pledged to visit his grandma (my mom) once a month for a year. This involved a 4-hour round trip for him. He took his computer along and showed her family pictures. She was so pleased. He also asked her questions about her life. (See our list of over 70 “life story” questions to ask an elderly loved one .) It is so true, that the greatest gift you can give an elderly person is to be consistent all year long with visits, phone calls and small thoughtful gestures. Carol Gioia So although an elderly friend or loved one is sure to appreciate any gift you give, it might be true that the greatest gift would be visits, phone calls and small thoughtful gestures all year long. Those continuous gestures tell your special elder that he/she is loved and cherished all the time, not just at Christmas time. Editor’s note: many of the gift ideas were inspired by a blog post by Carol Gioia, which is no longer available online. Photo Credit: Sirah Quyyom The post Holiday Gifts for the Elderly appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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1 Who Can Resist a Chocolate Chip Cookie? 1:00
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Who can resist freshly baked homemade chocolate chip cookies (or any kind of cookie, for that matter?) How do you like to eat your chocolate chip cookies . . . Warm? With a glass of cold milk? With a cup of coffee? But guess what? You could enjoy those cookies even more if you share some of them with another person. Maybe a friend who is going through a rough time. Consider also giving the person frozen cookies; for, as one mother said, “If you bring cookies frozen then I can have the delight of sending fresh goodies in my children’s lunch boxes or surprise them with a special after school snack.” Invite your children to help in the cookie making project. Maybe they would like to decorate a box or a bag in which the cookies can be given to the friend. Also suggest that they design a “Get Well” card or “Thinking of You” card to accompany the gift of cookies. If the cookies are for a child, you might like to include the book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie . Here is my favorite Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe: Ingredients: 1 C. Oil 1 C. Butter 1 C. White Sugar 1 C. Brown Sugar 1 tsp. Salt 1 Egg 1 Tbsp. Milk 1 tsp. Vanilla 4 C. Flour 1 tsp. Cream of Tartar 1 tsp. Baking Soda 1-1 ½ C. Chocolate Chips ½ C. chopped nuts (optional) Beat the first 8 ingredients for two minutes. Add flour, cream of tartar and soda. Beat for two minutes. Add chocolate chips and nuts (optional). Bake at 350 degrees for 9-10 minutes on an ungreased baking sheet. Recipe by: Pat Barrett Updated: 2024 The post Who Can Resist a Chocolate Chip Cookie? appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
Did you know that a person needs at least four hugs a day for healthy survival? Virginia Satir was a pioneering family therapist who is credited with the following quote: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Sometimes we forget the value of human touch. On the way home from a conference, Don Piper’s car was crushed by a semi that crossed into his lane. After 34 surgeries and one year in the hospital Don finally came home. Don says, “When my eight year old son came home from school, without saying a word, Chris would walk over and lay his head on my chest. I don’t know how long his head lay there, probably not more than a full minute. He never said a word. He didn’t need to. That simple gesture was enough. I felt so loved by my son. He expressed his grief in the only way he knew how.” The power of the human touch is vital. Several sources suggest that most people benefit from a hug. Hugs can help people fight off infections, ease depression and reduce blood pressure . Start by hugging your children and your spouse. What a difference you will make in their lives. Never forget the value of human touch. Who needs a hug from you today? Updated 2024 The post 4 Hugs a Day appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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Which day of the week is the loneliest day for widows and widowers? Here is what a few grieving spouses have shared with me about feeling lonely. Glenda’s husband was killed in a private plane crash, and she says, “I was completely devastated. It took about fifteen months before I was able to function in a fairly normal capacity without breaking into tears.” “There was a significant letdown after the funeral when friends return to the living of their own lives,” Glenda continues. In addition to those “special” days like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, widowed persons say that Sunday is the loneliest day of the week. Therefore, Glenda suggests, “offer to meet the person at church. (I did not want to sit alone and needed incentive to go since I was angry at God).” Also, knowing how lonely Sundays can be, she encourages friends to invite the alone person to Sunday Brunch. Another widower shared, “Invite the grieving person to attend church with you, and offer to pick him or her up since this encourages him or her to keep the date.” And here’s a suggestion from me: if you notice a person sitting alone in church, join them. They won’t feel so alone and lonely. This is true for everyone, not just widows and widowers. God Bless. Updated 2024 The post The Loneliest Day of the Week appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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1 Volunteering: Help Yourself by Helping Others 1:00
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Rabbi Hirshel Jaffe, known as “ The Running Rabbi ” says, “For over 20 years as a rabbi, before my illness, I had helped others through crisis. I was supposed to have all the answers. Yet when I got sick, I discovered I didn’t have them. I felt confused, frightened and desperate. My experience with serious illness has made me want to share with you what I’ve learned. When my physicians noticed how depressed I was in the hospital, they said, ‘Be a rabbi—go and counsel other patients.’ I did, and my energy and zest for life came back.” The following are some comments on the value of volunteering: Volunteering increases self-confidence. Volunteering can provide a healthy boost to your self-confidence, self-esteem, and life satisfaction . You are doing good for others and the community, which provides a natural sense of accomplishment. Your role as a volunteer can also give you a sense of pride and identity. And the better you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to have a positive view of your life and future goals. Volunteering combats depression. Reducing the risk of depression is another important benefit of volunteerin g. A key risk factor for depression is social isolation. Volunteering keeps you in regular contact with others and helps you develop a solid support system, which in turn protects you against stress and depression when you’re going through challenging times. Volunteering helps you stay physically healthy. Volunteering is good for your health at any age, but it’s especially beneficial in older adults. Studies have found that those who volunteer have a lower mortality rate than those who do not, even when considering factors like the health of the participants. Volunteering has also been shown to lessen symptoms of chronic pain or heart disease. Help yourself by helping others. Need ideas to get started? Download our free e-book, 122+ Ways to Care Well, filled with simple ways to care for the people in your life. Updated 2024 The post Volunteering: Help Yourself by Helping Others appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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When Ginger and I collected wisdom stories for our first book, The Compassionate Congregation , we asked individuals to (1) Describe a time when they suffered or grieved, and (2) What did people say or do which helped you during that difficult time? During our interviews, man in his forties man told me, “A really difficult time was when my dad died. At the visitation and funeral, lots of people hugged and talked to my mom, and I just stood by myself feeling sad and lonely. During that horrible time, my mom received lots of cards, flowers, and visits; however, only one person reached out to me with a little note.” Then he took out his billfold and unfolded a small piece of weathered paper which said: “I am so sorry about your dad’s death. You must be so sad. Thinking of you.” My interview subject paused briefly, then he continued, “That was 30 years ago, and I kept this note to remind myself that children grieve too.” 30 years! Just imagine—a friend invests perhaps two minutes to jot down a note of condolence—and those words of comfort end up traveling for years with the bereaved. Jeff Munroe, author of Telling Stories in the Dark, Finding Healing and Hope in Sharing our Sadness, Grief, Trauma, and Pain, reiterates this man’s message. Jeff writes, “One of the most important things people who want to help a friend after the loss of a spouse can do is reach out to their friend’s children. Ask how they’re doing. Be their friend. The lack of that adds to the grief.” So, if you know a young person whose recently suffered a loss, please consider reaching out to them. You could write them a note using my “3 R-s” note-writing formula. Like the 40-year-old man from our interviews, the youngster will certainly remember the kindness, perhaps for decades to come. The post A 30-Year-Old Note appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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My neighbor Debbie was ill, and I wanted to care for her, but I didn’t know what to do. It would be so helpful if individuals would just tell me how to help them. But that isn’t always practical, because when someone is ill, it can be difficult for them to make decisions. What should I do when I don’t know how to help? Here’s how I solved the problem: by sending Debbie a “Multiple Choice Caregiving Email.” In this email I wrote: Debbie, I am so sorry to hear that you are ill. I would really like to do something for you. Today and tomorrow, I have extra time. May I do any of the following for you? (Check your choices.) ___ do some errands today or tomorrow ___ bring you some cider and donuts ___ grocery shop ___ bring you and Jim soup and salad from Panera Bread (indicate your choice of soup and salad.) ___ bring you a blueberry smoothie ___ bring you homemade chocolate chip cookies or ice cream (indicate your favorite flavor). ___ bring you some Sloppy Joes and buns. (I have some already made in the freezer.) ___ or bring you whatever sounds good to you. Surely, you can find something in this list which sounds good? Caring, Karen Within minutes, Debbie emailed me with her response: “Karen, what a list! You are so sweet with all your suggestions and so many good ones! What I would like is for you to share some of your favorite books–ones that have impacted your life.” Immediately, I delivered three of my favorite books and some clementines to Debbie. What’s so wonderful about this form of caregiving is you can modify the list to fit your friend’s particular situation. For example, if your friend has children, you can offer to pick them up from or drop them off at their after-school activities. Multiple Choice Caregiving answers that reoccurring question, “What can I do to help someone who is suffering?” Try it. Post updated 2024 The post Multiple Choice Caregiving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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After suffering two strokes, my mother said to the doctor, “I don’t know why God didn’t just let me die?” The doctor said, “Must be God still has work for you to do.” Mom replied, “I can’t imagine what that would be. I’m no good for anything!” Then the doctor offered this observation: “It’s your smile. When I walked into this room you smiled the most loving, beautiful smile. I think people right here in this nursing home need your smile.” The reverend Jim Kok once wrote, “A friend of mine arrived at church early for a meeting, so she sat in her car listening to the radio. Someone pulled in and parked next to her. My friend turned and smiled. A few minutes later there was a knock on her window. It was the person she’d smiled at. ‘Thank you for smiling,’ she said. ‘I’ve had some very bad news today, and your smile just lifted my spirits.’ Yes, a smile can work wonders.” A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles. William Hazlitt Yes, it is so true – many times, all we need to do to lift a person’s spirits is offer a small gesture, one that takes very little time or effort. Author and educator Leo Buscaglia is credited with saying, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Small gestures of human kindness have the power to make a difference . Whose life will you make better today with your smile? The post A Smile Works Wonders appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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1 Finding Delight: A Positive Perspective 1:00
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The world can seem dark with its news of escalating wars, people starving, friends and family members struggling with cancer , the upcoming presidential election, our nation’s loneliness epidemic and other sad and scary news. Against this bleak backdrop, I read an article in The New York Times written by Catherine Price, “ When the World Feels Dark, Seek Out Delight ” which didn’t dissolve all the bad news but helped me to also hold on to some light, or perhaps you might say, some “delight.” Catherine suggests that we “make a point to notice things in our everyday life that delight you. This could be anything—a pretty flower, a smile you share with a stranger, the sight of a person playing a trumpet while riding a unicycle down a major Philadelphia thoroughfare (true story).” An important part of this ritual, according to Catherine, is that “whenever you notice something that delights you, you lift your arm, raise your index finger in the air and say, out loud with enthusiasm, ‘Delight!’ (Yes, even if you’re alone.)” Larry and I have been practicing noticing positive things and labeling them and sharing them. At first, we felt a little silly when we shot our arms in the air and declared, “Delight!” but now it is a delight to share a delight. For example: In late December, my “delight” was holding Brayden’s, my great grandson’s, hand as we crossed a road. On January 1: Larry identified a moonflower and then both our arms shot up as we declared “Delight!” This year will still be filled with sadness and darkness, but it will also be filled with delights. I resolve to notice them. Please join me. The post Finding Delight: A Positive Perspective appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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What can a porcupine teach us about caregiving? In Martin Bell’s book, The Way of the Wolf , he tells the story about a porcupine who was a misfit in society and had no friends: One day, the porcupine stumbled upon a raccoon who had been shot and was near death. The porcupine remained with the raccoon and heard his sad story. Then both fell silent. After a while the raccoon asked, “Are you still there?” “Yes,” replied the porcupine, “I’m still here. I was just wondering what to do now.” “Oh, you don’t have to do anything!” said the dying raccoon. “Honestly, I mean that. Just stay with me for a little while. Just be here. Don’t go away please, I’m afraid. You won’t go away, will you?” Please believe that 90% of helping is just showing up. . . .just be there! Dr. Jim Kok, a caregiving pastor based in California says, “Jesus died for us. We die for others when we vacate our comfort zones, the places where we are in control and stand closer to the heartbroken. We may feel helpless, weak and tongue-tied, but we will know that we are partners in doing the right thing. Just be there.” Updated 2023 The post A Porcupine’s Lesson in Caregiving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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Editor’s note: on July 18, 2024, Emerson’s family posted on their public Facebook page that Emerson succumbed to her cancer and posted this link to her obituary. One summer day on my way home, I passed a lemonade stand, giving it a quick glimpse and a smile thinking “Ah, cute young girls and their little lemonade stands.” However, later that day when I passed the lemonade stand again, I noticed a sign saying, “Emerson the Brave.” I was curious, so, I stopped, and that day Emerson became an inspiration and a heroine to me. In 2018, Emerson, known as Emerson the Brave, was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of brain cancer, Diffuse Midline Glioma. Since then, she has been in and out of hospitals, enduring surgeries, MRI’s and lab tests. Emerson knows just how difficult it is to be stuck in the hospital. And she wants to help make kids, like her, more comfortable and to have a better stay in the hospital. So, she sells lemonade, jewelry, and cookies to raise money to buy toys for kids at the Helen DeVos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and Mott Children’s Hospital at the University of Michigan. When asked why she is called “Emerson the Brave,” she said, “One day I looked up the meaning of my name and it was ‘brave.’” A very fitting name for this young eleven-year-old girl who has raised approximately $2,000 to supply toys to ill children. We at Wisdom of the Wounded listen to the stories of individuals who have or are presently suffering, and we almost always learn some caregiving wisdom to share on our website, social media and via the radio. Emerson reminds us that: All ages can be effective caregivers. One way to find pleasure and joy even while suffering is to forget oneself and find a cause beyond yourself. (Emerson smiles a lot, and it is obvious that she enjoys her customers.) When we forget ourselves and care for others, both the giver and the receiver are blessed. I hope that I have another opportunity soon to stop and buy some lemonade from my new hero, Emerson the Brave. May we learn from Emerson’s example: to reach out and care for others—even during adversity. (Isaiah 11:6) Want to learn more about Emerson’s journey? Visit her Facebook page . The post And a Child Shall Lead Us appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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1 Tears are Good for the Suffering and Caregivers Too 1:00
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Did you know that crying is great for you? Well, I didn’t know that either, but at a caregiving workshop, a nurse told us, “Tears are good for your health.” So, I went home, and I looked it up on Google and found more than 13 reasons that it’s okay to have a good cry. Let me share four of the physical benefits of crying. Tears help us see. They not only lubricate our eyeballs and eyelids, but they also prevent dehydration. Tears remove toxins from our body that build up because of stress. They are like a massage session, but they cost a lot less. Tears kill bacteria. Tears lower stress: they are like perspiration in that exercising and crying both relieves stress. If tears are so darn good for us, why do we hide them? The truth is, many of us feel uncomfortable if we cry in front of someone. And, oh! How awkward it can feel when someone cries in our presence. Consider this: sitting with someone who is crying is a form of caregiving. Tears can communicate depths of feelings which words alone cannot express. As theologian Nicholas Wolterstorff states, “Another’s tears are salve on our wounds.” So, when I’m suffering and you cry for me (or with me) your tears, as a caregiver, are like soothing salve on my wounds. Another question: do you know the shortest verse in the Bible? It’s John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” You will remember the story, Lazarus, a friend of, Jesus has died and his sisters, Martha and Mary are grieving, and Jesus comes and Martha says, “Lord, if you’d been here, my brother would not have died” and Jesus sees the depth of their sorrow. And he weeps. I like what author Max Lucado says after that about why Jesus weeps and what it tells us. He says “Jesus weeps, so that we will know that grieving is not disbelieving. Blooded eyes don’t represent a faithless heart. A person can enter a cemetery, Jesus certain of life after death and still have a twin tower crater in their hearts. Jesus did. He wept and he knew he was 10 minutes from seeing a living Lazarus and his tears give you and me permission to shed our own tears.” Grief does not mean you don’t trust, it’s simply that you can’t stand the thought of another day without the David or Elsie or Frank or Lazarus in your life. Max Lucado also said, “I want to insert an announcement: Jesus weeps. Tears aren’t just for women. Perhaps many of us have been taught that tears are for women and tears are signs of weakness and women are permitted to be weak. Baloney! Tears are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Our tears testify to our love.” And did you know that Jesus takes special notice of our tears? Psalm 56:8, says, that God “puts our tears in a bottle and enters them into the record he keeps of our lives.” Tears are good for us—whether we are the caregiver or the suffering. Go ahead and have a good cry. For more resources on this topic, read What to Say When Someone Is Crying , Help Someone Cry and Kleenex and a Hug, Please . The post Tears are Good for the Suffering and Caregivers Too appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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1 Beyond Platitudes: How to Offer Genuine Comfort to the Suffering 1:00
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Did you know that the word “comfort” is derived from a Greek word that means “to come alongside and encourage?” God says, “Go comfort my People” and asks us to walk alongside someone during their times of pain. It’s a profound reminder that true comfort goes beyond mere words. But that’s not always easy, is it? Nicholas Walterstorff, a well-known theologian and author of Lament of a Son , has written, “Let’s face it, grief is just so messy. We want the grieving person to ‘get over it,’ or ‘be done with it.’ So we are often tempted to rush in with a quick fix.” I can relate to this struggle firsthand. When my wonderful mother passed away at the age of 92, someone at the funeral home said, “How wonderful, she’s out of her misery, and she is with the Lord!” While both of those statements were true, in that moment, I was consumed by grief. I needed to express my sorrow, my grief. Looking back at this situation, I now understand that my friend was trying to “make” me feel better. But at that moment, I didn’t need a platitude or a cliché. It would have been much more helpful if my friend had said, “I am so sorry. I know how close you were to your mom. You must feel very lonely and sad.” Those comments would have given me a chance to express, if I wished, some of my feelings, and I would have felt that the person understood and cared about me. So, in offering genuine comfort to someone who is suffering, it’s crucial to go beyond platitudes because they only offer false comfort. Remember, you don’t have to remove their pain; you only have to walk alongside them and provide comfort. Instead of rushing in with quick fixes, take the time to truly listen and understand their emotions. Invite them to express their feelings and thoughts. Let them know that you are there to support them unconditionally. By avoiding platitudes, you create a safe space for them to share their deepest pain and find solace in knowing that they are heard and cared for. Let us strive to be the comforting presence that someone in pain truly needs, going beyond empty words and embracing the power of sincere understanding and support. View more informational videos from Wisdom of the Wounded. Post updated 2023 The post Beyond Platitudes: How to Offer Genuine Comfort to the Suffering appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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Dr. Rachel Remen , author of Kitchen Table Wisdom , wrote, “When people are talking . . . listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Don’t interrupt.” I clearly remember a situation when I was sharing my distress over my mother’s stroke with a friend. My friend asked, “How are you doing?” And I started to tell her how I was feeling, and she interrupted me and said, “Oh, I understand, my mother had a stroke a few years ago” and then she proceeded to tell me about when her mother had a stroke. When people say, “I understand” in situations like this, it brings the sharing of feelings and thoughts to a halt. And then if the person goes on and tells their own story, they’ve changed the focus from the suffering person to themselves and it leaves the suffering one feeling unheard. So instead of saying “I understand” to show that you are listening, imagine, for a minute, if it had been your loved one who had a stroke. Would be some of your feelings and thoughts be? And then you could say to the suffering person something like, “Oh this has to be really hard for you. I really care about you. If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” And then be quiet. And don’t interrupt and listen. Dr. Remen goes on to write, “When we listen, people know we care. Many people with cancer talk about the relief of having someone just listen. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.” Who will you share a loving silence with today? For more videos like this one, please go to our Videos Page . The post When to Avoid Saying “I Understand” appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded .…
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