Topic Talk | What if I don't want children?

The A to Z English Podcast

In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl explains why she may not want to have children.

Transcript:

00:00:00

Jack

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Jack

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Jack

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Jack

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00:00:23

Jack

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00:00:49

Jack

Welcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and.

00:00:52

Jack

I'm here with my co-host social.

00:00:54

Jack

And today we have an interesting topic.

00:00:56

Jack

For you and social, I'm going to.

00:00:58

Jack

Let you introduce the topic today.

00:01:04

Xochitl

Today, we're going to talk about.

00:01:07

Xochitl

Societal pressures and expectations kind of in this upcoming generation, which includes, you know, people my age and younger, and we're going to talk about how I maybe don't want to have kids.

00:01:22

Jack

MHM.

00:01:24

Xochitl

Yeah. So I don't know what to say about that, except I guess I've gotten to an age finally.

00:01:29

Xochitl

There, you know one once people know like they ask me how old I am and once they know, you know, they they sometimes ask, you know, do I want to have kids or am I thinking about having kids? And the answer is kind of no. I mean whenever I hear screaming children, it just dries up, it dries.

00:01:50

Xochitl

The uterus right up, Jack to the side.

00:01:51

Xochitl

Of.

00:01:52

Xochitl

Something I just I hate. I I can't really stand the shrill shrieking of of joyous children. I'm just kidding. But it is it. It is really hard and and I just see there's so much responsibility. I admire people who are parents. Of course I know it's really hard.

00:02:01

Jack

Yeah.

00:02:10

Xochitl

But I do see there's so much responsibility and it kind of makes me feel like you just never know where things are gonna go. Like a lot of things are kind of out of your control when you have kids and.

00:02:25

Xochitl

It's scary because I I I I guess I always go to the darkest, you know, recess of my mind and think you know what? If someone murdered my kids or you know what? What kid murdered someone you know and and not just that. It's like every decision that you make for the rest of your life will revolve around your kids and even when your kids are adult.

00:02:36

Jack

Hmm.

00:02:49

Xochitl

You're going to worry about them every single day, and you're gonna.

00:02:54

Xochitl

Like put your energy into that bill. Never stop being your kids, you know.

00:03:00

Jack

Oh, I I know exactly what you mean. It's. But can I go back and back a little bit? Are you are you offended when people ask you that?

00:03:05

Xochitl

Oh yeah, Jack, rewind.

00:03:09

Xochitl

I don't really care but, but I know some people. Some people do get offended and I think that's their right because it's kind of like it's not really anyone's business, you know, and if.

00:03:19

Jack

Yeah, it's kind of an inappropriate question in some in some ways.

00:03:22

Jack

I feel like.

00:03:23

Xochitl

It's kind of a crazy question because it's like if I wanted kids and could have kids, wouldn't I have them right now? And then it's like, and if I didn't want kids, then why are you asking me and like?

00:03:29

Jack

You're right.

00:03:35

Xochitl

Like there's just or if I want kids and couldn't have them like, then we're just about to open a really uncomfortable can of worms, especially if you don't know me super well. Like, what if you asked me that and I have on my, like, fifth round of IVF and we know it's not gonna work anymore. And I'm like, I start sobbing my eyes out. And you just ask me, you know, if I want to have kids, you know what I mean? Like, it's just why.

00:03:55

Xochitl

I don't get why people ask that, and I and I can see like if I wanted kids and I had issues.

00:04:00

Xochitl

Conceiving I would probably be really I could easily be hurt and I can see why people would be, you know, it's a.

00:04:06

Xochitl

Weird question to ask.

00:04:07

Jack

Yeah, it seems like it kind of a dangerous area to to ask questions about, you know, because it's so personal and and also, you know, do you feel like you do, you feel obligated to explain yourself after when you say no like because I feel like just saying no is should be enough.

00:04:27

Jack

But but I I feel like you feel like you have to qualify that with like an explanation and that that's I think the crux of today's topic, right is the.

00:04:38

Jack

The this kind of idea that like you have to have kids like it's just and and I'm I'm I'm my we were talking about this before the the podcast before we started recording.

00:04:43

Xochitl

Right.

00:04:53

Jack

And uhm, I told you, I I mentioned to my daughter. I said, you know. Well, I think I told her don't have any kids or something like that. But that's a little harsh, you know? Like I mean, of course, if she wants to have kids, I I hope she has kids. And I would love to be a grand a granddad. But because then you just get to do all the fun stuff.

00:05:13

Jack

None of the hard work.

00:05:15

Xochitl

Right. You get to spoil your kids rotten and she has to discipline them.

00:05:19

Jack

Exactly. That's. I'm looking forward to that actually that's that's that's kind of the reward for going through and parenting is you get to then you get to be a grandparent but.

00:05:30

Jack

The but I just feel like like more, more and more people in your age.

00:05:34

발표자

Group.

00:05:35

Jack

Are are, are choosing not to have kids and choosing not to get married, especially women you know are are are just going into the workforce focusing on their jobs and their careers and realize that having a kid is also a full time job.

00:05:40

Jack

Hmm.

00:05:55

Jack

By itself, and I know because I've I've gone through it, my daughter, and we're coming out of, we're kind of coming out of it on the on the other end a little bit because my daughter is now 15, almost 16. So she's basically like a little adult. And, you know, all the.

00:06:13

Jack

Annoying stuff is is is done, you know, I mean it. It's lovely when they're they're little and cute, but sometimes it can be.

00:06:19

Jack

Like.

00:06:20

Jack

Exhausting. You know, I just remember my daughter crying uncontrollably for no reason in about two in the morning, and I'm just beside myself and you know.

00:06:33

Jack

Lying on the floor on her bed, bedroom in or in her bedroom, holding her hand, saying, you know, will you go to sleep if I hold your hand? And then she said yes, OK. And so I'm holding your hand. And then she finally falls asleep. And then I fall asleep and.

00:06:48

Jack

To wake up on this hardwood floor.

00:06:51

Jack

And not well rested the next day. And you know, it's just it. It's it's tough. Like I I just think like having kids going into it without, like thinking about it really and really knowing that you want to be a parent. I think some people just jump into it too too quickly.

00:07:09

Jack

Do you think?

00:07:09

Xochitl

Uh.

00:07:10

Xochitl

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I think actually some of the most responsible people are like end up not having kids because they just know I'm not trying to knock anyone who's who's had kids. I'm sure a lot of people.

00:07:24

Xochitl

Are responsible parents, but I'm just saying that a lot of people who would be responsible parents also just don't end up having kids because they think about everything that has to go into raising a child. You know, it's like a lot of effort, a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of sacrifices.

00:07:42

Xochitl

And UM.

00:07:44

Xochitl

I think one of the most common arguments now for for children is or for people who don't want to have children is like, oh, you're selfish and it's.

00:07:51

Xochitl

Like, I mean, I think it's more selfish to bring a child in the world when you're not fully prepared to take care of that child.

00:07:59

Jack

Right. Being neglectful. Not to, you know, be still trying to live your selfish life because you you you have to. Once you have a kid, you, you're, it's done. It's not life is no longer about you.

00:08:13

Jack

So.

00:08:14

Jack

So you know, I I know some people that that have kids and they still want to live like they don't have kids. And you what happens is in either one of the spouses, the husband or the wife ends up, you know, doing most of the heavy lifting. Most of the work and then resentment.

00:08:15

Xochitl

Right.

00:08:34

Jack

Pros and then divorce happens and those kinds of things and.

00:08:40

Jack

That's like you said, way more selfish than just deciding not to have kids.

00:08:46

Xochitl

Right.

00:08:48

Xochitl

Yeah, yeah, I I completely agree. And I just, you know.

00:08:55

Xochitl

I just can't. I just can't. I I notice a lot less people in my generation are having kids. In fact, the the next door neighbor here at my mom's house, she just went to staying on a girls trip. She's like a she's a doctor, and her mom came over to take care.

00:09:09

Xochitl

Of her cats.

00:09:10

Xochitl

And my aunt went over there and to pick something up, I think. And the lady told her the mom of this doctor was like, it's funny, we used to take care. My, my parents generation used to take care of the of their grandkids. And now I'm taking care of my grand pets, you know.

00:09:32

Jack

That's.

00:09:33

Xochitl

And that's so true. A lot of people are just opting to have pets and not have children because all the responsibility, you can't really leave a young kid alone for that long to go on a summer trip or, you know, just so many factors that make it.

00:09:51

Xochitl

And possibly hard, especially in today's economy, to have and raise a child.

00:09:57

Jack

I think you hit on a big point there. The the economic factor is huge. The societal pressure for women to have children is very is very strong, right? Because we just talked about that. People will just randomly ask you if you're, you know, why don't you have kids and and but what they.

00:10:17

Jack

What people forget is that, like, women are discriminated against in the workforce for taking pregnancy leave.

00:10:26

Jack

You know, they're that they're, they're you. I don't want to hire a woman. Who?

00:10:26

Xochitl

Yep.

00:10:30

Jack

Was.

00:10:31

Jack

At that age of around the age that a person would have children because she's going to have to leave for for three months or six months or whatever the, you know, there's no free daycare, you have to pay for daycare. It's very expensive and and you are raising.

00:10:50

Xochitl

Yes.

00:10:52

Jack

I mean, and for the economy, you're providing another?

00:10:55

Jack

A future worker.

00:10:57

Jack

And you, but you get no benefits or respect for that all you all you get is the pressure to have the kid, but none of the help on the other end and so.

00:11:08

Jack

That's, that's what kind of makes me angry about the system is that it's it's very much designed to encourage women to have children, make more workers, but we're not going to. We're not going to consider that a job, but we're not going to consider that worthy of any benefits. You just do that on your own.

00:11:27

Xochitl

When in company.

00:11:29

Jack

And you work a full time job because these days both parents need to work just to to make ends meet.

00:11:35

Jack

So.

00:11:36

Xochitl

Right.

00:11:37

Jack

So economically, it just doesn't make sense to even have kids. And I think that a lot of people are opting out of the of having kids and and even families because they're like, well, the system is rigged. It's it's not fair. It's it doesn't value the children, the, the, the.

00:11:57

Jack

Are the the people that that raised the children and the women that that that create the children so?

00:12:03

Jack

I'm I'm very much you know, if the system changed then maybe my attitude.

00:12:09

Jack

Would change a little.

00:12:10

Jack

Bit but under the current model I just feel like I totally respect that decision for when when people say I don't want to.

00:12:19

Jack

Have.

00:12:19

Jack

Kids, I'm like, good for you. Like.

00:12:23

Jack

I think I think that's a a strong choice. It's it's a hard one to make, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

00:12:30

Xochitl

I'm curious about when you told your daughter, like, don't have kids you you want to expand on that a little bit more. I'm kind of curious about.

00:12:37

Xochitl

Yeah.

00:12:38

Jack

Yeah, I I want her to. I want her to find her happiness. You know? I don't want her to feel like she has to put her dreams on the back burner.

00:12:50

Jack

UM, just because.

00:12:54

Jack

Of some like societal norm, you know, like ohh, you're still dancing ballet it if she's still dancing ballet at 30 and it's her, career's going well. You don't have to sidetrack yourself to, you know, start a family just because society tells you to, if you if she wants to, then I totally support it.

00:13:14

Jack

But I'm not going to be one of the parents. That's like, every time I see her at Christmas, you know, start bothering her and nagging her about, you know, when are you gonna? When am I gonna get some grandkids? Like, I'll, I'll never do that. You know? So that was more of where I was coming from when I said don't have kids. I didn't really mean don't have kids. I just said.

00:13:34

Jack

Have kids when you want to have kids and if you don't, it's totally OK.

00:13:42

Xochitl

I'm curious about why that or how that conversation came up.

00:13:47

Jack

I can't remember. I I don't. I don't remember where it might have.

00:13:51

Jack

Just been an off the cuff.

00:13:53

Jack

Thing that I said to her one day. We're just, you know, we're sometimes, you know, she's a teenager, she doesn't like having.

00:14:01

Jack

Deep conversations with her dad, you know, or or mom? It's it's everything's uncomfortable, right when you're. I think I was driving her to. I was driving her to ballet, and I think it just. I just. It kind of hit me in that moment. I'm like, I've got 10 minutes to kind of she can't run away from me, you know, she has to listen.

00:14:23

Jack

So I I just gave her a little lecture right there. It wasn't a lecture. It was just I was trying to be thoughtful about it, but I was just, you know, I just wanted her to know.

00:14:33

Jack

That, that it's OK. You know, it's it's to focus on you and your career and and be a.

00:14:40

Jack

A strong woman and and you know.

00:14:43

Jack

It's it's like there's a.

00:14:44

Jack

Lot of pushback on that these days.

00:14:48

Jack

Women are supposed to be.

00:14:51

Jack

This, and men are supposed to be that, and I just think that I'm.

00:14:55

Jack

I I I feel like some of those foundations are starting to crumble a little bit, and maybe that's why there's a resurgence like a a resurgence of this, like, idea that women need to be traditional and and and and and. But I I just reject it fully. I I don't believe in that.

00:15:17

Jack

I want to I want to raise a a strong independent woman that doesn't need any man to take care of her, doesn't need to be a mother if she doesn't want to. I don't want her to feel any pressure to be anything other than what she wants to be.

00:15:34

Xochitl

MHM.

00:15:36

Xochitl

I think that's admirable. Yeah. My mom is the same way. She she got married young. She got married at 24, and she told us don't get married. Young only told us that. And and I.

00:15:50

Xochitl

I guess we.

00:15:51

Xochitl

Ended up taking it to heart. My sister always wanted to get married young, but now she's 30 and she's not married. And I'm also not married. And and I don't want to or plan to get married soon, though people have started asking me.

00:16:05

Jack

Yeah, yeah, the older generation, the boomers, right. I always ask you. Yeah.

00:16:06

Xochitl

Also and.

00:16:09

Xochitl

Yeah, like you know, I'm not too interested in getting married right away because.

00:16:14

Xochitl

It just it takes a long time and when you get married, you're picking someone that you're going to be tied to for the rest of your life. So you want to.

00:16:20

Xochitl

Make that decision wisely.

00:16:22

Jack

Yeah, yeah, I I I was 30. So I waited, you know, till I I knew. You know, when I met my wife, I kind of had had a an idea. Like, uh, in English we say an inkling. A little bit of an idea that.

00:16:36

Jack

You know, we're we're going to end up together forever. I knew it, but we waited, you know, we waited a year and a half or so, you know, dating before we decided to get married. And but. But you know it in just because it worked out really well. In my case, it's not.

00:16:57

Jack

It doesn't mean that doesn't necessarily apply to everybody. You know, everyone's unique. And so I think some people feel like the, you know, they they're looking at their watch and they're like, ohh TikTok. I gotta hurry up and get married. And they just kind of go with somebody that they're not fully.

00:17:17

Xochitl

Yeah.

00:17:17

Jack

Yeah, I I don't know there. There might be like red flags or there might be just just certain things that that maybe you're not. You're not sure about and if you're not sure, don't. If you hesitate, don't do it because once you do, you're you're in it, you know and and it's and once you have kids.

00:17:37

Jack

You're forever linked to that person, regardless of whether you stay married or not. So.

00:17:43

Jack

It's it's. It's a decision not to be taken lightly. It's it's a it's I think it's a very serious decision.

00:17:50

Xochitl

Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree. Yeah, I'm curious what our our viewers think, whether they.

00:17:59

Xochitl

You know whether they want to have kids, whether they feel the pressure to have kids and their culture, whether they feel pressure to get married, whether they got married young under pressure or had kids young under pressure and what their thoughts are about, you know, the coming general.

00:18:16

Xochitl

And and how things are different now or you know, if you're my generation or younger, what you feel is different about us and how we're growing up versus how our parents were at our age. Yeah, I'm curious. So let us know at A-Z. Englishpodcast.com leave us a comment down below. Shoot us an e-mail at AZ.

00:18:37

Xochitl

[e-mail] and make sure to join the WeChat and WhatsApp group to talk to Jack and I. And if you guys are interested.

00:18:45

Xochitl

Make sure to join our English corner. That's where you can talk to Jack and I on Monday through Friday for an hour, and there are a lot of members in our English corner now and we discussed things just like this topic and other interesting and fun topics and it's really cool. You get to practice your English and I think everyone really enjoys it.

00:19:04

Xochitl

Or if you're interested, make sure to, uh, shoot us a A we chat a WhatsApp or an e-mail and we'll talk to you guys later. Bye bye bye.

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