If Only CATS Could Talk

Super True Stories

Meet Frankie and Browser, two cats who have nothing to do with each other. Their only connection appears to be that their owners both use Facebook. What a small world!

This might be the first time a movie has ever been padded out by shoehorning in a cat from Minnesota, and then to top it all off, they didn't even think to title this trainwreck, "A Tail of Two Kitties." What a missed opportunity! And speaking of missing things...

When Frankie the Cat goes missing, he can only be found by Jack, renowned(?) cat tracker, possible Craigslist stalker, and inventor of the Cat Flasher, the world's dumbest way to find a missing cat. Jack is using every means at his disposal, including his own cat allergies, to find Frankie before it's time to stare into the middle distance and move on to the next case.

Along the way, we discuss a librarian who hates leash laws as much as she loves vibrators, we consider this year's Forbes list of Most Influential Cats, and we posit that the Game of Thrones showrunners have seen this documentary and took it way too much to heart.

All's well that ends well, but we gotta cut this short and get inside because the mosquitoes are starting to bite.

We're suffering through and reporting back on If Only CATS Could Talk, available to stream on Amazon Prime.

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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album