362: Learning How to Get a Jump on Life - with Nicki Gorini

Social Capital

Meet Nicki

Her passion is empowering leaders to challenge and expand their thinking to increase performance, well-being, and joy in their lives. She is a life and executive coach with over 10 years of experience helping individuals and organizations achieve remarkable results. Nicki will help you achieve your power, live your purpose and create the freedom to live the life that you want. She loves delicious food traveling and adventures with her husband, Michael, and dog Pico de gallo.

So what do you recommend to others who struggle with finding out what it is that they want to do?

Yeah, I hear this. Often, I think, you know, most people can relate to that when they're fresh out of college or even earlier now, I was in a conversation with one of my nieces who's only 14. And she's already grappling with what she wants to be when she grows up. So whether it's, you know, trying to figure it out, what do I want to be, or people that are already established in careers, whether it's five years 10, 15 or 20 years or more and, but want to explore whether they want to do something different or not. I'm a career changer, myself, I made a decision that I needed my career to be something I'm passionate about. And I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do. My background is in politics and government, I was Deputy Press Secretary for a state official when I lived in Pennsylvania. And it was an amazing experience and education and you know, to see how the government works and be a part of it. But I was deeply sad because I didn't have that fulfillment that I knew I wanted. And not everyone needs to have that fulfillment or passion throughout their career. But I knew that I wanted that. So I hired a coach to help me figure out, you know what I wanted to do. And after much exploration, I fell in love with coaching, because I experienced and felt the exercises and tools and got the massive impact it had on me in my life. And there were a few things I had to take look at a really hard look in the mirror.

Lori: Wow, yeah, I agree. And I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, and just my journey and a lot of different buckets, I don't even know where to start with some of that. But one of the things I think you'll find this quite entertaining, you're talking about, like this negative talk that goes in our head. And through some of the coaching that I've gone through, you learn to kind of give it a name and tell it to shut up. I call mine a drunken monkey you're drunk go home. But learning in that process to just realize that I am in control of the situation. And I am in control of you know, creating my destiny has allowed me to be who I am today and where I am today and build the path that I want to be in and you know, take take the long road or the fast path, you know, whatever route I want to go based on the experiences that I want in life and that's what I find brings me the most joy is having new experiences. I think that's what makes me bolder and stronger and gives me greater power. perspective. But it took me a long time to realize that.

What advice do you have to offer on the balance between work and life?

Yeah, this is a hot client issue. I mean, not even just with my clients, it's everywhere. And I think everyone's trying to crack the nut and figure it out. So I do see it in all fields and industries. I think if you're an entrepreneur, the irony is most likely that you chose to do that to be your boss and have that autonomy. And then most of us, at some point, fall into that black hole of being a workaholic, which is the lesson that I learned, which I'm no longer by the way. But if you know, the same thing with an executive leadership role, time and time again, I just hear people say, Yeah, I took a role or took a promotion or want to do it. But my health and my family time, and my personal life is suffering. So it's a widespread issue. And I would say the first step is that balance, like what that means to you, back to what we were talking about with joy, it has to be defined by you and you alone, understanding yourself and how you tick, this isn't something that you can get from outside of you or that comparison that we tend to do with people. Because the answer is truly within you, right, like identifying your own needs from a holistic perspective? And it's where we have to distinguish between, I'm sure you've heard the expression, don't should on yourself, you know, shouldn't you know, distinguish between that, right? It's a slippery slope because there are expectations from our society, there are expectations whether you know, depending on the role in your family, different cultural expectations. And that takes a lot of discernment, like weeding through that, right? And I know it sounds like you did that for yourself to figure out what you needed. And same with me. And it's an ongoing thing. All of this is ongoing.

Lori: Yeah I have invested time into this, but I by no means have a perfect plan flushed out. This is an evolution.

What do you say to the people that get stuck or don’t know where to begin?

Yeah, it's a hard place to be, it's painful. It's really, it's excruciating. And it can be frustrating. And so I would say there isn't a one-size fits. So maybe some of these questions that I'm putting out here can be helpful. So my question would be, are you wanting to grow? Are you ready to get unstuck, is there no faking that, right? Like you're either ready, or you need to make a change, which is scary. It's going to ignite your fight or flight system, you're going to be a drunk monkey or some version of that, and are you willing to hang in there too, make the change that life is bringing to you, otherwise, you wouldn't be feeling stuck. If you're feeling stuck, there's a desire for something else or pain. And I'm using the pain in quotes, like the discomfort or frustration or pain of the situation you're in isn't working for you anymore. So you know, where do you want to grow? Do you want to grow emotionally? Do you want to grow as a leader? Do you want to grow in your leadership style? Or build a new skill set? Are you trying to attack a brand new goal? And so you know, those are the questions that I think are a good place to start. I would say a couple of other things that I think are important is that you know, we all do have blind spots. So whether it's a coach or a therapist, or a trusted friend or your partner, a colleague at work, you know, asking for that feedback, asking them what do you see? Because it is very hard to see the water you swim in, right?

Can you share your most successful or favorite networking experience that you’ve had?

Yes, I would love to, and I think you hit the nail on the head with networking. I mean, it is most people dread it unless you're super, super social. And it's a super people person. So I'm glad you're holding the torch for this and creating a platform for it. And I love that we can talk about it because it is such a huge part of being successful. Right? So absolutely. I do Well, I think how we got connected is a success story. So during the pandemic, I, you know, was ready to expand my network. And I started just jotting down movers and shakers and people who had been connected to through life that I wanted to know more about, or I felt like they believed in me, or we had enough of a connection, where I believed in them. I thought they were smart. I admired them for some reason. And then slowly just worked my way down the list. So one of them was our friends that we have in common, and had some awesome conversations with her, and also asked her, you know, I felt like we were at the point we've known each other now for several years, even though there had been big gaps of time we stayed in touch. And so, you know, I said, Here's, I feel like you're someone that believes in me and gets me and vice versa. And I'd love to if you were willing to connect me to people then you're in at work that you think are stellar people, I'm looking for long-term relationships and connections. And if we don't vibe, that's fine. You know, I'm looking to see if there's a spark there. Yes, there's a connection that we can help each other and build and grow on and I agree with you. I feel like you're only as strong as your network. And she connected the two of us. And then I knew you had a podcast, I had listened to several of the episodes, and we got on and we were just chit-chatting. And you asked if I wanted to be on your podcast. I was shocked. I had no idea how you picked your guest, or if you know how it all works. And it was such a delightful, surprising experience. And I'm excited to dig into your business and our love of development together and see where this goes.

How do you stay in front of and nurture those relationships in that network in that community that you create?

I was hoping to hear from you. Because I feel like you're the guru on that, for that question, but I do want to hear from you at some point, whether it's on the podcast or later. I hadn't seen that. I think that you know, in person is such a special experience. And because of remote working and the pandemic that we've had in people's lives, when we talk about their work-life balance, I think a mix of both of you know, if you need to do a quick LinkedIn message, or you know, to set up a conversation, I think that's a nice thing to do. I think, you know if you have a newsletter, or you just pick up the phone and leave someone a message when you're thinking of them, I think it can be overwhelming and intimidating. of you know, oh, how do I nurture my network? Right, that feels like a big mountain to climb. But I think that you know, there are ways to have it be genuine and fit into your life in a balanced way. I think just thinking about how, you know, just like you saying that out loud for the audience is like having them ask themselves, how do I nurture my network? Am I doing that? I need to get on it. So yeah, I do I just do my best to keep up and sometimes I do better than others.

What advice would you offer the business professionals looking to grow their network?

I think what you said about hosting events, I don't I think just because you're, you know, possibly new at networking doesn't mean you can't create a meetup or create some kind of themed event that would bring, like you said, back to your What are you trying to achieve, that would bring people together, whether it's a specific industry related, like industries are a great place to start because they'll bring people with a commonality together. But I think you can even make it fun to like if you have a specific sport, and you bring 50 people together, you're likely to find someone in that, you know, a group that you can make a great connection to. I think just going for it as you said, you know, take the risk, reach out, send a note, ask someone for coffee, you can even have it on your goals, you know, once a week, ask someone for coffee or once a month, right? So you can track it and see, you know, am I doing it? Or is this just a nice lofty thought in my head? And like you said, be a valuable resource, I think asking how you can help. After you make the connection is where you truly get to know the person. And what they're all about is, you know, always offering that if I can, like you say if I can ever be a resource or help to, you know, let me know, it feels so good to help someone out. And I think it is like you said that valuable like providing that value. And I think people might hear that and wonder, but I don't know what value I have to provide. How do I know? You will find out because someone will have a need, and you'll either have experienced it or you can make a referral. Or you can tell them about how it went when you had that particular thing happen. Yeah, that's, that's my advice.

What is the offer you’ve got for our listeners?

Yes. If anybody has been moved or inspired to further their development in any way, I would love to offer your listeners a 30-minute complimentary coaching session where they can take some time to reflect on some of the things that may have opened up during this podcast. And of course, it's confidential and it's professional at all, and it's a way that I market, you know, to people. So it's a way for me to share what I do. And I know that people will leave with tremendous value. So there's no pressure to, you know, take on a coaching package or anything like that. But I know it will be a great experience. So if, you know, a listener wants this, just reference social capital that they were listening to the podcast, and we'll set it up. There's a form that they can fill out. There's also Instagram. You can message me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, I'm on them all. My handle is Nikki Gorini. And we can just get connected there. And then we'll, we'll go from there.

Connect with Nicki

https://www.linkedin.com/in/domenica-nicki-gorini-pcc-executive-and-life-coach-70164a37/

https://executiveandlifecoach.com/