Good Morning Evildoers podcast

8:10

Good morning, Evildoers. Time for another productive day at Global Synergy Amalgamated! This is Winifred from HR with your daily announcements, and who’s thirsty? During an audit of the deep storage units in Sector 12, we discovered the remains of one of the most evil projects we ever launched. Oh, that was a good one. Massive media coverage. Psychological destabilization. High-fructose corn syrup. Not to mention the sheer aesthetic offense of the whole thing. That’s right. You guessed it. We found several surviving pallets of New Coke! I know! How’s that for a blast from the past? Truly one of our most successful psyops that didn’t involve Freemasons. Now if you want some of this carbonated contraband — and who could blame you if you do? — we’ll be dividing them up and distributing them to all the breakrooms. First come, first serve, so no more than 4 12-packs per mouth, all right? And only mouths with tastebuds count. No pseudo-orifices or extra-dimensional abdominal portals. Have to save some for the humans among us. And speaking of humans, bless their singular hearts, I’m so tickled to see you all are having fun with the paranormal YouTubers again. Officially, Global Synergy Amalgamated’s position is that *cough cough* “We are a multinational company that provides consultation services across a variety of industries, and our social media policy requires employees to uphold the highest standards of professionalism.” Unofficially? You evildoers are cracking me up! I guess it’s true. We’re evil, not boring. Surprising no one, I’m especially tickled with the cryptid hunters. And I think it’s rather sweet they’re only trying to get pictures and footprints! Not that they’d have much of a chance against, say, Nessie, but the point stands. It’s sort of lovely. Sometimes I almost feel bad for them. Sweet little humans. Moving through a world surrounded by hideous forces they could never comprehend. Here we are, a whole world they don’t even know exists, harvesting their brain waves, experimenting on their organs, and occasionally hunting them for sport. Sometimes, just for a moment, I’m even tempted to reevaluate my instinctive prey drive for their tiny little lives… Of course, then I spend 20 minutes in traffic and I’m ready to kill again. Even we couldn’t have invented the American highway system. They’re so diabolical to each other — why shouldn’t we do the same? Oh, listen to me nattering on. Got entirely too philosophical today. I haven’t even told you about this week’s lunch and learn! And it’s delightful. Charlotte in the Infernal Chants Department is going to be especially tickled. Should be a packed house in Charnel Hall of Oblivion! I do love that space. Y’know, our engineers optimized it for both evil laughter and audience comprehension. Yeah! That can’t have been easy. This week, magical anthropologist Professor Sylvia Von Stranglevine is presenting “From the Siberian Ice Maiden to the Russian Mafia: Tattoos, Bodily Reclamation, and Magic.” Although, I do wonder if we should have leaned quite so hard into spreading tattoos so we can easily track the herd. Now you know I’m not philosophically opposed to tattoos. Far from it! There is proud, long-standing, evil tradition of bodily modification! I just hate the way they make the meat taste. Well that’s everything for this morning. Go on out there be your worst self today! Bye-bye now!…

1
S1E8: You Say It's Your Birthday 9:16

for 15 dage siden9:16

9:16

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. And our karaoke parties involve a lot more extradimensional portals than is standard. In this episode, do NOT make Winifred come looking for you about that thing with the hammerhead sharks. Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're creeping up the joint at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . Digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for donations via Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance. -~*~- Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium. Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you. Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes. So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.…

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S1E7: Inhuman Resources 9:14

for 29 dage siden9:14

9:14

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither is our professional development. No, seriously. There are SO MANY nefarious pharmaceuticals. In this episode, reminders of the tuition assistance program with Miskatonic University. Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're also in your internets where all your base belong to us at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance. -~*~- Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium. Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you. Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes. So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.…

1
S1E6: You Can't Spell Horror Without HR 10:32

for 6 weeks siden10:32

10:32

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither is our annual training and enrollment. No, seriously. We use a LOT more mind control. In this episode, discover how serious we are about our harassment policies… Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're also in your internets where all your base belong to us at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance.…

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BONUS: S1 Soundscape 7:45

for 7 weeks siden7:45

7:45

Evildoers, please prepare your earholes for a gentle sonic landscape. Spend an evening with Winifred and her beloved "dog" Coelacanth. Includes a (very) lo-fi background track, rain and wind against the window, tea, the occasional distant scream, and the hunting howls of the children of the night. Also, tiny dog snores. Regular service will resume on Thursday, Jan 9. Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're also in your internets at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi . Thank you for all the evil you do.…

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S1E5: It Puts Promotion On Its Skin 8:34

for 8 weeks siden8:34

8:34

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither are our annual promotions. No, seriously. We have a much higher body count. In this episode, discover how to get ahead at Global Synergy Amalgamated. Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're also in your internets at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance.…

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S1E4: En Cryptid 7:02

for 10 weeks siden7:02

7:02

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither are our employee requirements. No, seriously. We have folks who speak Mole Person. In this episode, prep for a potluck and bring your pet to work. Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're also in your internets at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance.…

1
S1E3: Animosity is the Best Policy 7:34

for 12 weeks siden7:34

7:34

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither are our policies and procedures. No, seriously. We have to account for lycanthropy. In this episode, learn about exciting new positions available on the new moonbase and under Denver International Airport. Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/ We're also in your internets at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . Zines. Encouragement. PWYW. And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance. QN0nTqbAnndEWtvZtId3…

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S1E2: Tik Tok, Time for Long Pig 7:54

for 14 weeks siden7:54

7:54

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. So we don’t have ordinary workshops. No, seriously. You have to perfect your evil monologues somehow. In this episode, discover more about the kind of perks we offer our dedicated employees, including catering by Donner Party Planning. Learn more at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/ We're also on social media at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage at Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance.…

1
S1 E1: We All Scream for Eyes 6:58

for 16 weeks siden6:58

6:58

Greetings, delicious humans! Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. We're a genuinely evil soulless corporation. No, seriously. We have a volcano lair and everything. Please enjoy this initial episode of your new favorite podcast. You are 99.999738% unlikely to grow tentacles as a result. And if they do sprout, R&D assures us they will be either temporary or useful. Learn more at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/ We're also on social media at Instagram , Bluesky , and Tumblr . An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad . And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage at Ko-fi . Thank you for your compliance.…

1
Greetings, Delicious Humans 1:20

for 17 weeks siden1:20