Masculinity... from a Wife's Perspective - Guests Stacy Manning & Julia Bringolf

Old Fashion Dad Podcast

We are joined for our very first female guests: Julia Bringolf and author, Stacy Manning, as we get a wife's perspective on masculinity. Definitely one of our best and most controversial episodes, with these bold and fiery women as we discuss marriage, if "toxic masculinity" a thing and is masculinity under attack in our culture.

NOTES:

• This Weeks Whiskey: The Balvenie Caribbean Cask 14 year - Single Malt Scotch
• Guests:
• Julia Bringolf - Christian Bringolf's wife
• Stacy Manning - Co-Author of "Them Before Us, Why We Need a global Children's Rights Movement"
• Questions:
• Does "Toxic Masculinity" exist....?
• The role that absent fathers play in the home - Men are missing from the home and missing as fathers
• The inappropriate exercise of men's violence - Using it towards woman and children, instead of using their violence and strength for protecting, sports or battle
• Is there a correlation between man's anger and their violence?
• Can violence be expressed absent of anger?
• What happens when the cultural norm for a man swings from "The Greatest Generations" stoic, un-emotional, distant and quite man (like many of our grand fathers, to the soft and sensitive "man" who wears his emotions on his sleeve and is emotionally and physically delicate, who doesn't stand up for what is right and suites when life gets hard?
• The opposite side of men being violent, is them being gentle and tender towards their wives and children... and having both a father and mother in the home is key to children seeing and learning this
• Woman (especially single-moms) are statistically more likely to be the physical abusers of children in a household
• How is a young man not to be angry in a fatherless house, knowing that he is missing out and that his dad has chosen to abandon him and his mom
• How have you experienced masculinity?
• Men and women are simply made differently and relate to each other differently
• The message that Stacy learned from her father was that, "a woman's currency is in her appearance alone" and due to that messaging, she ended up putting herself into some pretty bad situations and a victim of rape
• But the number of men in her life that have cared for, loved, nurtured and rescued her, far out number those who have been cruel and unkind
• A woman wants to be protected by her husband... woman don't want to be the strong protector in the family
• Is masculinity under attack?
• Masculinity is largely under attach by woman, who are largely dissatisfied with how their lives have turned out, and they blame men in general or the larger culture.
• Feminism's goal is to erase the difference between men and woman and is a wrong response to a valid cultural concern.
• Real feminism would uphold woman as different and special based on what they can do that men can't (or aren't designed to under God's design), not trying to make them just like a man.
• Are woman afraid to push-back and admit that feminism has been peddling a false narrative and is a lie?
• Woman would do their daughters a favor if they taught them, "yes, you can have it all but it will be in a different order than men... and you need a man to accomplish it". Woman can still have their kids and be CEO... but they have to have their kids in their 20s and be a CEO after that.
• Feminism and chauvinism are both distortions of how God created men and woman to operate and relate to each other. Complimentaryism is the answer.
• Biblical complimentarianism: God created Man to be masculine and fill a role in the world and family and God created Woman to be feminine and fill a roll in the world and family. Of equal value and worth but distinct and different.
• We are often guilty of the arrogance of "chronological snobbery", where we assume that we are better, smarter, more advanced and "know better" and so is free to judge people and cultures of the past against today's cultural standards.
• Stacy is passionate that we are doing our children a disservice by lying to them by telling them they can "be anything they want to be".
• The scandal of the book, "The Surrendered Wife". Pick your battles, humble ourselves and surrender the small stuff
• Biblical authority and submission: Wives are to submit to their husbands BUT husbands are to love their wives, as Jesus loved the Church and died for her. Everyone is under God's authority, even if we don't recognize it or believe in God.
• If a husband and wife are primarily focused on how they can out-serve each other, they will avoid a lot of the selfish pitfalls in a marriage. If we know and trust that our spouse is reliant on God, it makes it that much easier to trust them and for a wife to submit to and follow her husband.
• Is there a valid reason for a cultural push-back against "bad" masculinity?
• Does a wife submitting to her husband mean she is quiet and docile? Not necessarily, but like Jesus, she can be meek (power under control & submitted to God).
• While the church is not directly responsible in the failure of men as husbands & fathers (that requires a much more intimate relationships, mentoring or discipleship) but the Church did fail in not standing up agains the divorce culture and defending marriage, which God gave us as the foundation for a healthy family.
• Final Thoughts:
• Julia Bringolf - For the soon to be wife: Your husband is meant to fill the role that you are not meant to fill. You can't be everything and don't try to be.
• Stacy Manning - Take your husband's name. "The patriarchy" is not a thing. If you are going to be associated with a man for the rest of your life, make it your husband, not your father. Do the hard things because the easier choices are almost never the right choice.
• God made men to be men and woman to be woman. Enjoy and celebrate the differences.

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