Queen City Poly is a podcast dedicated to connecting real people with real solutions for their relationship goals. Focused on communication, consent, and autonomy, we discuss polyamory and ethical non-monogamy as well as broader topics concerning open relationships of all structures and configurations (polyamorous and otherwise). We also call on monogamous friends and special guests to share their views on love, sex, family, psychology, sociology, and other tangents that spark our curious mi ...
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Ep. 45 - Biphobia within Polyamory
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On episode 45, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kay discuss polyamorous folx who have sexual orientation "preferences" for their partners, gender "preferences" for their potential metas, and the bi-phobia and bi-erasure that happens even within so-called, open-minded polyamorous communities. Tune in to listen to us get real about this nonsense. --- Send in a…
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Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay discuss the general consensus among the polyamorous community (ha!) about one-night stands. They answer questions such as: Would you be upset if your partner had one and told you about it afterwards? Do you expect to be able to have one without any drama from your partner(s)? What even qualifies as a one night stand? Have y…
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On episode 43, Coach Kay and Brian O'Neil discuss prescriptive versus descriptive hierarchy, relationship anarchy, and a special form of hierarchy, SNEAKARCHY. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/support…
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In episode 42, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay talk nesting partnerships and the assumptions that come having or not having partners who you cohabitate with. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/support…
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You arrive to a bar and see your polyam partner in an embrace with a stranger. Their arms around this person's neck. This person's arms around your polyam partner’s waist. Just a couple of inches between their faces. Clearly they are in a flirtatious moment. The question is, is this acceptable because you are polyamorous? Check out Episode 41 - PDA…
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Ep. 40 - Communicating Non-Consent
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In episode 40, Brian O'Neil talks openly about being touched non-consensually following a recent standup gig after he talked about his polyamorous relationship style on stage. We sat down to talk about this experience as well as his experience sharing his story on Facebook. Women are not immune to being the aggressor and perpetrator of sexual assau…
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In episode 39 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay discuss examples of “seasoned” polyamorous people accommodating newly polyamorous partners with rules and agreements that threaten their own autonomy and do not serve their or their new partners needs. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/mess…
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In Episode 38, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay talk about Brian's internet friend who is exploring the idea of polyamory but does not know how to get through to her husband, who is not having any of it. But before they dive into responding to that difficult situation, they discuss the popular mantra, Growth Happens Outside Your Comfort Zone.--- Send in …
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Ep. 37 - The Law of Fuck Yes or No
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In Episode 37, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay discuss Mark Manson’s blog article titled, Fuck Yes or No. The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. Check out Mar Manson’s blog for the full article and then tu…
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Ep. 36 - Communication Preferences and Compatibility
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In Episode 36, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay talk about how communications preferences impact compatibility, including: requiring daily communication, feelings regarding small talk, preferred communication modes (face-to-face, text, phone), needs for intellectually stimulating conversations, sense of humor, passive versus direct communicators, and peo…
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Ep. 35 - A 'Throuple' Joins the Red Table
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The unconventional path is windy one. Polyamory is a valid relationship style that is more than just having multiple sex partners. Monogamy is a valid option but not the only way to go. You can craft your own non-monogamous relationships and create the life you want, one step at a time. You may get lost, but the journey is more important than the d…
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--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil
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Ep. 33 - Red Table Talk talks Infidelity with Esther Perel, and we LOVED it.
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On episode 33 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil & Coach Kay talk about the latest episode of Red Table Talk with Esther Perel. Watch the episode yourself on Facebook Watch and then listen in to what we loved about this episode and what we thought of the conversation. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/…
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Ep. 32 - The Honeymoon Phase or Normal Behavior?
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A viral tweet from late last year that continues to recirculate states, “The honeymoon phase doesn’t exist when you fall for someone who is dedicated to making you feel loved and admired the ENTIRE time you’re theirs. Stop normalizing the loss of affection in relationships, that is a choice, not a phase.” Check out episode 32 of Queen City Poly and…
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Ep. 31 - 17 Reasons Why I Want More Polyamorous Representation
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There are many reasons why we need more (and better) polyamorous representation. In episode 31, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay discuss 17 of them! Do you have any to add? What do you think of the list so far?--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod…
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Ep. 30 - I Just Don’t Want You to Get Hurt.
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It’s hard to stay out of the way and watch a person you love navigate the perilous dating scene, making decisions differently than you would. It can be tempting to offer up all kinds of unsolicited advice and encouragement. You may believe you are just trying to protect them with helpful suggestions or suggesting new rules of engagement. In episode…
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Ep. 29 - Polyamorous, but not actively dating…
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In episode 29, Coach Kaey and Brian O’Neil discuss how one manages their ethically non-monogamous identities while balancing all of their other goals and struggles of everyday life. When you are not actively dating (and have less than two partners) do you feel less polyamorous? Where does dating rank on your list of priorities?--- Send in a voice m…
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Ep. 28 - Alzheimer’s and Non-Monogamy
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In episode 28 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey share some news about finger guns in the Charlotte comedy scene as well as Brian’s latest attempt at talking to a pretty lady. Then the duo discuss the recent controversy about B. Smith and Dan Gasby’s marriage. B. Smith and Dan Gasby have been public about their struggles following B’s …
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Is it possible to love more than one person? What roles do jealousy and attraction play in relationships? What makes a relationship work? Jubilee Media brought polyamorous and monogamous people together to discuss their beliefs on love in season two, episode five of their show, Middle Ground. In episode 27 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach…
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--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey
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Coach Kaey has been swiping right and now she has a question for Brian O’Neil. What exactly does, ‘I’m looking for casual, nothing serious’ mean?--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/support…
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Ep. 24 - What Was This Episode About?
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In episode 24, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey ramble with their coffee about sexual orientation, bi and pan erasure, same sex attraction, sexual confidence and compatibility, porn, consent, gender norms, religious education in the south, marriage, children, and how Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey differ about their stance on dogs. We will not promise a co…
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--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Coach Kay
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--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey
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--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey
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--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Queen City Poly
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In this episode, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey answer a listener question on how to handle a polyamorous-identified person that doesn’t seem to want their partner dating others. It’s a common myth that polyamorous people are more enlightened than monogamous people. We dispel those myths while Brian processes his own relationship woes.--- Send in a vo…
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In episode 18, Coach Kaey and Brian discuss how they have managed money in previous relationships. Polyamorous or not, money and relationships intermingle, but a taboo exists when it comes to talking about it. This week on Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey answer questions like: Who pays for the first date? In a relationship, who buys th…
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Ep. 17 - Brian's Poly Anniversary
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In episode 17, Coach Kaey asks Brian to reflect on his two year anniversary of ethical non-monogamy. How have his views on love, relationships, sexuality, women, dependency, and more changed since he began his journey.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.s…
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In episode 16, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey discuss the awkwardness of meeting your metamours. What's a metamour? A metamour is your partner’s partner. The duo tackles expectations when meeting a metamour and communicating your boundaries inside this type of relationship.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencityp…
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In episode 15, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey discuss when enough is enough in relationships. We all have our different reasons for leaving and for staying, but knowing our own boundaries and those of our partners is extremely helpful. Our diversity in values and personal experiences shape our decisions regarding when we stick it out and when we tell …
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Ep. 14 - New Relationship Energy (NRE)
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In episode 14 of Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey discuss New Relationship Energy (NRE), the strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of a new romantic relationship, which can lasts anywhere from a few months to several years. We’ve all felt this before, it’s what romantic comedies are made of. Wh…
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Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey celebrate a new chapter that is both exciting and terrifying. Brian O’Neil is still obsessed with where Lee surrendered to Grant during the Civil War and Coach Kaey still does not care. In episode 13 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey dissect the dark romantic comedy Catching Feelings, written, directed, and…
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Ep. 12 - Mental Health & Polyamory
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On episode 12 of Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey discuss the importance of good self care when managing mental health illnesses and crisis within polyamory. How does having multiple relationships change your mental health care routines?--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport thi…
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In episode 11, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey discuss their own ethics within their polyamorous relationships and potential deal breakers when it comes to potential partners. Check out episode 11 to find out why @iambrianoneil is comfortable dating a republican and @coachkaey is okay with dating an ex-con! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcaste…
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How much input does/do your partner(s) have on your other relationships? As much as you let them…--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/supportAf Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey
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In episode 9 of Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey discuss the term "micro cheating." What does it mean? Is it a thing? Should you care? What are the implications of policing any and all of your partner's opposite sex interactions? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podca…
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In this Valentine's Day inspired episode, Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey invite you to travel back to the 90s and early 2000s and explore monogamous themes in some of their favorite throwback jams. We hope you enjoy! Comment and let us know what songs we forgot and what songs you want us to review next :)--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.s…
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Brian O’Neil & Coach Kaey discuss infidelity and go off on relationship tangents like a the Gemini Sun/Gemini Moon pair that they are. To know more - listen to the episode! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/support…
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Ep. 6 - Challenging the Patriarchy
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Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay discuss feminism and patriarchy and how men can help women/help with stigma associated with sexually liberated identities. Brian O'Neil reads Rudy Francisco's Poem ,“Altar,” and have a conversation about how men can talk to men about what women want in a constructive way. Hint: Honesty is key. Later in the episode, they ans…
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In episode 5, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kay discuss the process of coming out as polyamorous and how it differs from the coming out process of LGBTQ folks. Do you need to come out? Will anyone poison your cereal? Find out the answers to these questions and more when you check out episode 5 of Queen City Poly. --- Send in a voice message: https://podca…
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In episode 4, Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay discuss Buddhism, the concept of impermanence, and how that reality of life relates to relationships whether monogamous or polyamorous. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/support…
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BB & Coach Kaey discuss what it means to "come out" in polyamory.Af BB & Coach Kaey
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BB & Coach Kaey discuss how the Buddhist term "Impermanence" relates to Polyamory and other relationship dynamics.Af BB & Coach Kaey
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Ep. 3 - Poly Love, a Documentary - A Review
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Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay review Poly Love, an 2016 documentary by Michelle Flores. Be warned, there are spoilers in this episode, so if you want to see the documentary first, watch it now on Amazon Prime. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queencitypoly/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/po…
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BB & Coach Kaey review Poly Love, an 2016 documentary by Michelle Flores.Af BB & Coach Kaey
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Why is leaving a track of broken hearts is especially problematic in polyamorous dynamics? Multiple relationships is not an easy road of settling down into bliss. It takes constant communication and checking in. But for those of us that want an ethical, non-monogamous life filled with love, it's worth it. We dish out our strategies for finding onli…
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Ep. 2 - Seeking Community by BB & Coach KaeyAf BB & Coach Kaey
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Ep. 1 - Welcome to Queen City Poly
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Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil introduce themselves and kick off the first episode of Queen City Poly. In this episode, Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil discuss their polyamory origin stories and a bit about who they are and where they come from. They also discuss Spike Lee's new Netflix series She's Gotta Have It and the ways in which polyamory is brought up ac…
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