In which the gals dish the dirt about a very Gen X literary scandal about the child prodigy who wasn’t. Digressions include plastic surgery, teenage edgelords, and what it means to be white-trash married.

In which Carlye and gal pal Donna discuss their top teen idols and other assorted heartthrobs. Basically it was an excuse to make more 70s references. Digressions include the Mandela Effect, chewing tobacco, level-ups, and going to Hell. PS: The previous rendition of this episode had problems, hence the remastered track.…

In which Sabrina and Carlye discuss their favorite horror villains. Digressions include growing up with the Night Stalker, starting beef with Huey Lewis and the News, and giving praise to Montana Duke's bleach-fried hair. Sabrina also wants to remind the chubby gals out there to be rude as shit so you won't be made into a skin suit.…

In which Carlye and gal pal Donna discuss the specific creepiness of children in horror movies. Digressions include bowl cuts, devil banjos, Robby Benson, and much much more! The gals also miss the opportunity to make a projectile vomit joke. Blame it on the 'rona!

In which Carlye and Jill dissect Anne Tyler's classic novel The Accidental Tourist, a novel about a travel writer who hates travelling. Digressions include Manic Pixie Dream Girls, embarrassing crushes, and dated dog training practices.

In which Carlye and Sabrina discuss what they've been reading and writing whilst waiting out the 'rona. Digressions include skin care, library cooties, and tax the fucking billionaires already! This may or may not be a soapboxy episode. Holly chimes in as well.

In which Carlye and Donna talk about their favorite movie and TV fashions as well as their own sartorial choices throughout the decades. Digressions include leather pants, cocaine haircuts, and what it takes to be 70s-hot. Plus listen to Holly as she barks a few opinions of her own. Errata: Carlye meant to say Pucci, not Gucci when talking about Ca…

In which the gals stay extramuch on-brand and return from their hiatus way later than planned. This week’s topics include thirst-trap snacks, breaking up Stanley Tucci’s marriage, and figuring out your dogs’ zodiac signs. This episode is also dedicated to Charlie, our OG podcast pup who never failed to make his presence known. The poor little guy l…

In which Carlye apologizes for having ghosted. Mercury was in retrograde, a pandemic is upon us, and life even without those elements has been insane. So sorry again about this. Procrastination Planet is taking an extended hiatus and then returning with a biweekly format. Stay tuned!Af procrastinationplanet

In which the gals blame Mercury retrograde for not having a spanking new episode and rerun a remastered version of their literary true crime deep dive instead because having a for-real hiatus messes up the algorithm.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! [email protected]: @ProcrasPlanetInstagram: @procr…

In which Carlye and guest co-host Janene Biggs delve into Girl Waits with Gun by Amy Stewart. The novel is a fictionalized account of how Constance Kopp became the first female deputy in her county back in 1914. The gals discuss what worked and what didn’t and—SPOILER ALERT!—wholeheartedly recommend the book. This episode is proof you can love some…

In which Carlye flies solo once again and discusses how to create an unlikable character your reader will still care about. This episode was inspired by a mini-rant from last week’s episode. Also, you might hear puppy snoring in the background.TRIGGER WARNING FOR STATUS QUO WARRIORS: There will be feminism. Go hug your Hot Pockets in your mom’s bas…

In which Carlye and Jill discuss how to flesh out a skeletal first draft without making it read as if you got paid by the word. They also discuss give share their thoughts on the revision and critique process and accidentally write a thriller. Digressions this episode include weaponized raccoons, unlikable female characters, and why finished baseme…

Our 50th episode, in which Carlye and guest co-host Jill White discuss the challenges of writing that first draft and the agony of the dreaded blank page. Digressions include senior dog problems, expiration date paranoia, and our secret basic bitch tendencies.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! procrastinationplanetpod@gmail…

In which Carlye starts the New Year by a) doing a solo episode, b) doing a minisode, and c) giving everyone out there a pep talk. This week she talks about the solitary nature of the writer’s life and how to make the most of it when you’re an extrovert. Digressions include beatniks, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and awkward analogies.Visit procrastinatio…

In which Carlye brings back writer gal pal Janene Biggs to discuss and critique some of their #problematicfave John Hughes movies. Digressions include ditching school, the broke bitch life, and much much more. We also invited the podcast pups into the studio, so stay tuned for their shenanigans.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Emai…

In which Carlye and writer gal pal Donna Hearth discuss how writers are portrayed in film vs. writer-life reality. Digressions include fan-fiction, split-screen phone sex, and fake Scottish accents. Also, buckle up, poets! Donna has some hot takes about the genre.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! procrastinationplanetpod@g…

In which Carlye brings back fellow outlaw writer Jill White to discuss their favorite detectives in books and on screen and also welcome the podcast pups into the studio. Digressions include foul-mouthed kids, senior dogs, and why quaint English villages are the most dangerous places ever.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! …

In which Carlye brings back her fellow outlaw writer Janene Biggs to discuss their favorite film noir movies. Digressions include reading spoilers, resting bitchface vs. active c*ntface, and how we came to love old movies.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! [email protected]: @ProcrasPlanetInstagram: …

In which Carlye and special guest co-host Jill White discuss their own journeys in self-publishing. Digressions include career changes, saying “funky” a lot, and animals.You can get Jill’s book here.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! [email protected]: @ProcrasPlanetInstagram: @procrastinationplanetp…

In which Carlye and guest co-host Donna Hearth discuss their favorite guilty pleasure movies. Digressions include boarding schools, the true origins of Wicca, and that Transatlantic accent you hear in old-timey movies.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! [email protected]: @ProcrasPlanetInstagram: @pro…

In which Carlye and guest co-host Janene Biggs discuss how we stay accountable and (hopefully!) stay productive with our writing habits. Digressions include hot delivery guys, the overlap between the NaNoWriMo and prepper communities, and butt stuff.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! [email protected]…

In which the gals discuss movies that scared the crap out of them. Maybe that’s why toilet humor and horror tops their list of digressions for the week. Other digressions include time travel, creepypastas, reboots, and more!Spoilers for The Visit in this episode.Also, we apologize for the lateness of this Halloween themed episode. PG&E turned off t…

In which the gals discuss their favorite campy horror movies. Digressions include reboot hatred, old-school health class videos, grainy 70s daylight and much much more!Possible spoilers for Slice in this episode.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Email us! [email protected]: @ProcrasPlanetInstagram: @procrasti…

In which the gals take a leave of absence because of their crazy schedules (not to worry, you'll have fresh content next week!). They also learn some humility on account of how rough their mic technique was when they first started podcasting.This remastered episode still covers the crushes the gals have had on various literary characters, but cuts …

In which the gals discuss some of the funny books that make them laugh. It’s by no means an exhaustive list, so there may be sequels in the works. Digressions include imposter syndrome, Florida things, the Seattle Freeze, and 1950s lady hygiene.Visit procrastinationplanet.com for bonus content!Twitter: @ProcrasPlanetInstagram: @procrastinationplane…

In which the gals talk about what inspired their writing in the past, and what inspires their writing in the present. Digressions include old school beauty books, frontier dream cabins, teacher memories, and the poseur phase everyone goes through when they’re young (or perhaps the gals are projecting?).Background noise alert: The podcast pups reall…

In which the gals dig up old dirt and discuss the bad behavior of authors both online and in real life. Digressions include bathroom matches, bitches’ front porches, and Sabrina’s battle with a trademark troll.Visit the procrastinationplanet.com episode page for bonus content.Logo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.comTheme music: "Laser Unicorns"…

In which the gals discuss how they take their books from hot-mess first drafts to bestseller gold! Digressions include uncomfortable name spellings, WebMD rabbit holes, and the infinite wrongness of Neopolitan ice cream. Also revision is like remodelling a home. Find out why in this episode!Visit the procrastinationplanet.com episode page for bonus…

Procrastination effects so many teens

In which the gals discuss what it takes for fictional characters to be believable and compelling. They touch on why universality and ethnicity aren’t mutually exclusive (i.e., diversity shouldn’t equal niche), adding depth, and finding the quirks in the ordinary. Digressions include being spoiled, complaint letters, and Saturday Night Fever.Visit t…

In which the gals discuss their writing processes such as where they derive inspiration, outlining vs. pantsing, and the merits of typing vs. longhand. Digressions include Pinterest fails, silver foxes, and the hazards of old shag carpet.Visit the procrastinationplanet.com episode page for bonus content.Logo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.comT…

In which the gals discuss popular books they would rewrite, because they clearly know better than those who’ve made the bestseller list. Digressions include slut-shaming Odysseus, crafting with books, and Sabrina’s beef with Marie Kondo.Spoilers for Before I Go to Sleep around the 14:00-16:20 marks.MATURE CONTENT WARNING: The gals get a little tras…

In which the gals discuss which books they’d like to see on the big screen. This week’s digressions include serial killer freezers, sticky dance floors, Laurel Canyon cokeheads, and the torch Carlye still carries for her high-school heartthrob Scott Bakula.Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.comTheme music:…

In which the gals talk about the worst part about being a writer: criticism. They discuss how to give a critique, how to take criticism, and also how NOT to do either of those things. Digressions include dunking on academic writing, the benefits of writing AT people, and why you should never mean-girl a YA writer.Sabrina shouts out our friend Speci…

In which the gals blatantly pander to some of their favorite authors by namechecking the ones they'd like to hang out with in real life. Off-topic digressions this week include true crime, catfishing silver foxes, and dunking on grammar snobs. MATURE CONTENT WARNING: Maybe?Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanar…

In which the gals discuss—you guessed it—diversity in fiction. They talk about the importance of diversity, reasons behind its lack in mainstream media, and tips on writing more inclusive fiction. This weeks digressions include bad eyebrows, being crazy for Swayze, Twitter beef with JJ Walker, and Sabrina’s feelings regarding Disney’s Moana.MATURE …

In which the gals discuss their favorite fictional sidekicks. Among other topics discussed are perfume shaming, marrying serial killers, and men who hit the wall before age 30.Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.comTheme music: "Laser Unicorns" by Christian Penn, courtesy of Jamendo LicensingTwitter: @Procr…

In which the gals delve into the dreaded writer's block. They explore different theories as to its existence, discuss various causes, and offer up ways to deal with it. Other topics discussed are weird flexes, nighttime driving songs, Pink Flamingos (not for the squeamish), and much much more!Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C.…

In which the gals discuss the day jobs they've held in order to subsidize their writing careers. Among the other topics discussed: unicorn hair, accidental toilet selfies, and why Carlye is the foul-mouthed broad she is today.Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.comTheme music: "Laser Unicorns" by Christian …

Quick note: Due to some audio wonk, this track needed remastering. Our apologies for the glitches the first time.In which the gals indulge their ASMR constituents and stuff their faces once more. Topics discussed include gold diggers, redneck pets, and the clickbait reason behind Carlye's fried chicken cravings.MATURE CONTENT WARNING: Trashiness ab…

In which the gals share their insecurities--both personal and professional--so their listeners can rest easy knowing they're not alone with their struggles. Also discussed: booty shorts, prayer candles, and using mindfulness to deal with said insecurities.Annoying obligatory disclaimer: Carlye is not an expert on mindfulness. She's just a gal who f…

In which the gals discuss their favorite female characters of all time. Other topics include blood spells, comparing term papers to bridesmaid dresses, and much-neglected Big Nasty fangirling. Also, Macbeth and Showgirls are not so different. Find out why in this episode!Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.…

In which the gals discuss the songs that inspire their writing process as well as the soundtracks they've curated in the event someone buys the rights to their past projects. Digressions include nostalgia, snobbery, and why Carlye will forever have a hate-on for Rod Stewart. Bonus Fitness Hack: Petey Pablo's "Freek-A-Leek" is a serviceable substitu…

In which the gals take a true crime detour of the literary variety. This week's episode covers the life, work, and murder of English playwright and LGBT+ icon Joe Orton.Also discussed: Alabama hurt feelings, hipster correspondence, and how being a screenwriter is like dating a f*uckboy.Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comIf you want more episodes …

In which the gals stop being evil jellyfish and discuss writing advice they've found useful over the years. Also discussed: revenge fic, rectalcranectomies, the dangers of taking Carlye's parking spot, and much much more!Sabrina's getting over a sinus infection, so "you've got to be kind" as Kurt Vonnegut once said.John Wick 3 spoilers from 36:50-3…

ASMR lovers rejoice! The gals are back with more snacks to eat and more trash to talk. This week they discuss vegan pork rinds, plastic surgery, and how weddings are stupid because Idris Elba is off the market.MATURE CONTENT WARNING: The gals get trashy again (Rule 34 is also a topic). You know the drill.MISOPHONIA WARNING: It's a food episode. The…

Alternative title: F*ck You, Mickey Rooney! In which the gals discuss the problematic moments in movies they love and wonder if saxophone music was a stand-in for consent in the 80s. Also discussed: gray sweatpants, who Andie should have picked in Pretty in Pink, the care and maintenance of skin suits, and much much more! MATURE CONTENT WARNING: Th…

In which the gals reveal the books they read and movies they watch whenever they have the sads.Also discussed: tech bro hate, teak bathtubs, and Hercules being low-key Polynesian.Visit us at procrastinationplanet.comLogo designed by C. Trojan at ctrojanart.comTheme music: "Laser Unicorns" by Christian Penn, courtesy of Jamendo LicensingTwitter: @Pr…

In which the gals talk about the dirty, cracked-spined books they sneak-read as tweens and teens and the bad ideas they got about sex as a result. Also discussed: hipster pistachios, cancelled celebs, and whether or not vampires need lube. The gals' collective ADHD is in full effect as usual.MATURE CONTENT WARNING: We get a little bluer than usual …